Random Thoughts
Why, oh why, do I get the urge to scrub the kitchen and follow through with it BEFORE I cook?
The dog barking across the street wants to die a slow and painful death. So do the kids that play and scream in the streets after school every day.
My ass looks absolutely amazing. Seriously. I took a good look at it in the mirror for the first time yesterday since I gave birth 5 months ago. Five months ago, I thought I was doomed to have a saggy, flat, flabacious granny butt for the rest of my life. Then yesterday, James couldn’t get enough of an eyeful or handful of it. I was thinking what is up with you and my ass today? And he was like, “Oh my gosh, your ass is so hot! It looks great!” So I checked it out in the mirror to make sure he wasn’t lying. **Gasp!** All those lunges and squats at my twice-a-week step class REALLY DO WORK! My tush is small and tight and round! HOLY COW! For the first time in my life, I really like my butt.
That same butt is too damn big to comfortably sit on Julie’s little toilet cover in the front bathroom. Note to self: remove the potty seat before attempting to pee.
Thank God the newborn phase only lasts a few months. Before you know it, they are 5 months old, rolling over, laughing, and freaking adorable!
I am officially addicted to chocolate and caffeine. That shouldn’t be a surprise to anyone.
James must be narcoleptic. How the hell else can someone fall asleep that stinking fast every single night? I wanna have narcolepsy, too.
My monokini is the trashiest swimsuit I’ve ever owned… even though it covers more than all the bikinis I’ve ever owned. I’m very excited about it. Trashy = good. Public jacuzzi, here I come!
What is going to happen to my va-jay-jay tomorrow during my physical therapy appointment? What on earth does phsycial therapy for rectocele, cystocele, and uterine prolapse involve?
Ugh. I’m going to have to show my vadge to a complete stranger tomorrow. Ugh.
Aghhh! I have to show my vadge to a complete stranger tomorrow, have conversation concerning Miss V, do exercises with The V, and have to answer questions pertaining to sex and other things concerning the Vadge. AGH!
Where on earth is that paintbrush?
See’s Candies should be illegal.
OMG. I have to show my vagina to a physical therapist tomorrow. Maybe if I gave birth to normal-sized babies instead of month-old infants I would’t be having these prolapse issues. *grumble*
If I have to hear one more episode of Dora today, I’m going to die of a brain aneurysm.
I’m typing with one hand because I have a baby eating my boob.
I am really confused as to what I’m going to do about teaching school. Up until this depression hit full force and left me barely functioning, I was going to start applying for jobs for the next school year, um, this month. Needless to say, that’s not going to happen anytime soon. I need to get my head on straight before I even think about getting a job outside of my home. I just can’t stretch myself any thinner.
…
Lord, did I earn my spot in heaven for not seriously beating Julie’s butt a few minutes ago when I realized that she’d dripped paint ALL OVER THE FLOOR while I was busying nursing April and typing this?
Excuse me, I have a huge mess to clean up.