A Surprisingly Sane Blog

I have a stash of chocolate that I keep in an overhead cabinet in the kitchen.  I thought it was safe there, but I have recently been proven wrong.

There’s this telltale crackle of the wrapping on my Symphony Bar.  And my Dove Raspberry Filled chocolates.  And my chocolate covered cranberries.

One that sends Julie running into the room every time.

“Mommy, I neeeeed chocolate!”

Inevitably, as I’m trying to sneak a bite of my chocolate crack to keep from having a brain hemorrhage, Julie’s huge brown eyes catch me.

“Can… may I have some chocolate pwease Mommy PWEASE?”  It’s this little excited squeal that crescendos at the end.  Without fail.

And I can’t say no. She’s just too cute.  Even more adorable than begging puppy eyes.  Arg.

I’ve created a monster.

1. I am addicted to office supplies and scrapbook crap.  Pens, post-its, paperclips, paper… you name it, I’ve got way more of it than any sane person should own.  And I want more.  Desperately.
2. I am afraid of the dark.  I always get this creepy feeling, like something’s going to jump out from under the bed or the closet and GET ME!
3. Long toenails give me the heebie-jeebies.  Mine are always super short because any white on them grosses me out.
4. I can smell cocaine on people.  My high school best friend was an addict, and users have a very particular smell on them.  And no, I never tried it.
5. I once had a severe panic attack at a movie theater because I ate a bad magic brownie.  One of the first (and definitely the last) times that I ever tried drugs.
6. I have recollection of picking my nose and eating it (gag), so I know I did it even when I knew better.  Disgusting, huh.  Now the mere thought makes me dry heave.
7. I love to wear trashy-looking swimsuits.  I have to be creative these days to hide the postpartum stretchmarks, but I still manage.
8. I like the smell of skunks.
9. I make fun of sorority valley-girl types.  I know, I shouldn’t.  But I do.   I’m sure they make fun of me when I’m not looking.
10. I talk to myself in the car, the shower, pretty much every time I’m alone.  They’re always conversations that I imagine I’m having with people.  I make the appropriate faces while I’m doing it.