A Surprisingly Sane Blog

So one would think that I would be a frequent at the local zoo.  You know, since I have kids and all.  And the zoo is a whopping ten minutes from my house.

Even folks who don’t have kids tell me, “Oh, I went to the zoo with my sister’s kids the other day!”.  And those people over there brought their out-of-state friends to the zoo last week.  And see that VW busload of Rastafarian Hippies?  Yeah, even they were at the zoo sometime within the last month.

So indeed, my kids must have seen the elephants and baboon butts and those ginormous rodents found in South Africa at least half a dozen times.

One would think.

But no, I am the bad mom who has NEVER taken her kids to the zoo (except for late at night to see the Christmas lights while all the animals were asleep, including the little snoring bug named Julie who was simply too young to even care).

Until today, when my sister, Kathryn (aka my best friend) and her super cool boyfriend, Scottie (aka Julie’s new best friend because he let her eat the majority of his banana split Dipping Dots) invited us to join them for a stroll around the zoo.

They probably took pity on my poor kids and thought I was a complete nincompoop for never allowing Julie to experience the zoo, but that’s besides the point.

Anyway, so my cute little family and I all piled into the car after slathering on sunscreen, grabbing sweaters, and frantically throwing crap around trying to find a hat for Julie to wear.  And we went to the zoo for the first time as a family.  The way that normal human beings do.

We took pictures to document this wild and rare occasion called “normalcy”, just in case no one believes we were actually there.

I know, we look nothing alike. But we enjoyed watching the monkeys together.

Isn't she simply gorgeous?! Or maybe I'm just biased...

The otters decided to put on a magic show for the mystical Julie-bug. It was, clearly, quite captivating.

April *really* enjoyed the first half of the "zoo experience". Notice the little furrow in her brow... she was concentrating *very hard* on controlling the universe from her stroller.

Our long-necked friends decided to follow us home. You should have seen the pile-up of cars when they realized we were being chased by a couple giraffes.

The polar bears were out in the town searching for their next meal... so sadly, we only saw one for a fleeting moment. Don't worry- it got away.

Once April finally decided to wake up, she realized her true calling was to learn how to fly. She wasn't very good at it, but she was *by far* the cutest flying baby we'd all ever seen.

Have you seen this couple? They are WANTED for letting the polar bears and giraffes run amuck. Big reward if found.

Julie and James bathed in glowing light. You can't tell, but Julie was on the verge of an exhausted sugar crash from the Dipping Dots.

We kind of look like hell. We have an excuse. We're parents, exhausted, and we just took our kids to the zoo. We deserve a prize.

After a sexy Valentine’s awakening of my darling husband’s grinning face as he excitedly handed me an envelope with “Tamra” written on it,  I was handed a small box with a pretty bow and a label that read, “Beautiful and elegant, just like you.”

A pair of pearl earrings and a beautiful heart-and-pearl matching necklace was waiting for me underneath the heart wrapping paper.

Now, James is not a huge jewelry-giver, so when it happens, it is really sweet.  This was one of those rare moments when I stared at the box and thought for a second… maybe it’s more RAM for my computer?… and was more than pleasantly surprised.

So after that, there was no waiting to give him the gift I got for him…

…eh hem…

Let’s just say that my sister and I spent a long and very immature hour at Fascinations, giggling like school girls and perusing through a variety of massage oils, ginormous butt plugs, and dildos made for someone who has birthed a beached whale.

The goodies in the bag were an assortment of the best of what I could find to promise my poor, sex-deprived husband that YES, I do love you… and YES, I WILL have sex with you again.

Needless to say, he was thrilled.

And so was I.  Jewelry does it for me every time.  Without fail.