Confessions of a Manic Mind
I was lying in bed last night around 3:30 a.m. wondering if I should just get up and blog because my brain just couldn’t seem to shut the fuck off.
I hate manic brain. It happens to me all of a sudden, and doesn’t matter if I’m exhausted or sick or if I’ve fallen off a cliff or just flown across the world. Sometimes, it just decides to pop on the second my head hits the pillow.
Hi Tamra! I’m here to drive you nuts while you try to catch some zzzzz’s! Even though your kids and husband are all sleeping peacefully. Well, you know, as peaceful as your flopping-around-ball-scratching-snorting-awake hubby can sleep, anyway.
Yeah, last night was one of those.
Finally, sometime this morning, I fell asleep. Kind of, anyway. It was the sort-of- “sleep” where your dreams are so vivid that you can’t tell if you’re awake in some other world, or if you are actually in your bed with your eyes closed.
The place I was in this morning doesn’t exist in Tucson. But somehow, I’ve been there so many times before. Once I’m there I think… ah yes, I’m back in this place. It’s not a bad place, the people aren’t assholes or anything, but I always “wake up” wondering why I know that place so well.
I don’t know what happens when we die, nor do I have a set belief regarding the hereafter. However, my Catholic upbringing does influence my deep-seeded faith that Christ is indeed the Son of God, and that He died so that we may someday rise again.
It’s that “rise again” part that throws me for a bit of a loop. What does that *really* mean? Maybe we really do just go on to heaven or hell. Or maybe our soul carries on to another life. As unsure as I am about what happens to us, I do know I truly believe that SOMETHING happens to our soul.
What else could explain the inexplicable knowledge that every culture, no matter how isolated or archaic, finds belief in at least one God and possesses a seemingly innate lore of an afterlife?
I have difficultly believing that it is simply coincidence that I feel like I’ve known some people beyond this lifetime. Or that my daughter’s deep soulful eyes tell the story of just her 3 years of experience. There is something more there, I can feel it.
Current Mood:
Confused