A Surprisingly Sane Blog

I have a buttload of pet peeves (big surprise, huh).  Some just beg for explanation, the others are obvious.  Then there are the few that exist for no reason other than because I’m a complete weirdo.

1. Close-minded, ignorant people who think there is only one way to do things.
2. Said people’s advice.  It always comes out sounding retarded.  They need to learn that they are actually morons and should, therefore, refrain from opening their mouths EVER.
3. Long toenails.  They’re just disgusting.  For the love of God, cut them off!
4. Drivers who lack the brain cells necessary to comprehend and observe street rules including (but not limited to) save driving, non-asshole-ish driving, and no-I-don’t-need-you-to-ram-me-off-the-road-for-being-a-dipshit-and-cutting-you-off driving.
5. Old people who think the world revolves around them and, consequently, act like assholes.
6. Hearing the words, “My eyes change colors.” **(see note below)
7. People who smile to my face, then act like a backstabbing bitch behind my back.  Seriously, if you don’t like me, don’t freaking pretend.  Just… be honest.  It does wonders.  I can see right through you.
8. People saying, “Oh, but it’s so cold and dreary there…”, or, “It’s just so expensive,” or, “You say that now, but once you’re actually there…,” when I express interest in moving to [insert a state other than Arizona here].  Dude, deal with the fact that I hate this place and prefer the coast graciously.  I like gray skies and wearing a jacket, and I’ll spend the extra money if it means living in a place that I love.
9. When guys get all touchy-feely and grope me in a bar.  What is up with that?  Hello… proximity!  I’m married, for crying out loud!  I’m the same person on the dance floor as I am when I’m talking to you in a business setting.  (Okay, so maybe I’m a bit… goody-goody in this department, but deal with it.)
10. Unsolicited advice about how to raise my kids from strangers.  And from in-laws who know nothing about child-rearing.
11. Telemarketers.  I am on the national “do not call” list for a reason.
12. People who complain about my dogs’ barking.  Quit walking in the alley scoping out my house, you nosy jerk, or keep your cats and/or badly-behaved children indoors so they don’t torment my monsters and they’ll stop barking.  My dogs wear bark collars (and before you get your nipples in a twist about this and call animal control, it was because someone complained to the city and we got a notice that we could be taken to court if we didn’t shut our dogs up… it left us little choice), and they’re not going to bark willingly without a reason.
13. When adults call a library a “libary“.  Shame on them.  Kids, well, that’s excusable, but adults… there is an “r” between the “b” and the “a”, gosh darnit!  You’d better believe that I taught every single one of my fourth graders how to pronounce it correctly.  Yes, I am that anal.
14. Tell me I have a pea-sized bladder.  I know this already.  It doesn’t need to be pointed out.  You, on the other hand, probably aren’t drinking enough water.
15. Being interrupted during my morning cup(s) of coffee, then taking a swig of room-temp liquid when I finally get back to it.  Ugh.  Not cool.
16. Have sex in my front yard, then pop your litter of spawn out in my backyard, you miserable stray feline.
17. Be late, or make me late.  I can’t help it, I was a little early into this world, so expect it’s going to just be the way I always am.
18. Listening to people say that anti-depressants will actually just make a depressed person more depressed and likely to commit suicide.  I can be annoyed by this because I once had that notion in my head until I literally did lose my mind and had to choose between hospitalization for crazy people or willingly accepting treatment.  I now know otherwise.
19. Touching paper with dry hands.  Don’t ask.
20. Bending my fingernails backwards…. *(&!%#%#@%*#!
21. Judgmental twats.  ‘Nuff said.

**No, that’s fucking retarded.  Eyes do not just suddenly “change color”, so stop trying to convince me that they do unless you need the skin around your eyes to turn a lovely shade of purple.  Eye color is determined by the amount and type of pigment in the iris of your eyeball.  This doesn’t change depending on what color you are wearing or because of what kind of mood you are in!

I am one of those people whose eyes appear to change color.  They do not change, do not tell me they do.  Rather, understand that eyes may look more green or blue or whatever depending on the colors you or I are are wearing, the lighting etc.  They do not actually CHANGE color, just different pigments stand out more.

**Stepping off of my soapbox now.**

Wow, I feel better getting that off of my chest.

What are your pet peeves, besides annoying bitches like me whining about all the things that drive them up the wall?

Current Mood: Playful

This entry was posted on Tuesday, April 14th, 2009 at 12:40 pm and is filed under Bitching, Lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.