A Surprisingly Sane Blog

One of the reasons my sister is one of my favorite people ever is because the things that come out of her mouth never cease to amaze me.

Take last night’s phone conversation, for instance:

Kath: Hello?

Me: Hey there… I’m going to Target, do you want to come?

Kath: I’m watching porn on HBO!

Me: Like real porn?

Kath: Well, this girl just took off her shirt and her boobs are hanging out…

Me: Okay… so, Target.  You know you want to come with me.

Kath: Ugh, it’s kind of late…  Oh my gawd!  That guy’s taking off his pants!

Me:  Like all the way?

Kath: Yes!  There’s his ass!

Scotty: (in the background)  Yup, there it is.

Me: You need to focus, Kath, Target.  You know you don’t want to miss out on a trip to Target.

Kath: Ughhhh…  It’s a pretty nice ass.

Scotty: Yeah, it really is.

Me: Oh my gawd, guys, stop watching porn on HBO!

Kath: (Laughing)  OH MY GAWD!  There’s his peen! His peen is showing!

Me: Wow, like, for real?  They always look weird to me when I see them on T.V.

Kath: Nah, it just looks like a normal peen.

Me: So is he a “show-er” or a “grower”?**

Kath: Ummmm, I think a show-er.

Me: Figures.  It’s T.V.  Okay, so I’m going to come pick you up.

Kath: Holy shit!  They’re shoving a dildo up her pussy!  And there’s a circus!

Me: I’m leaving right now.

Kath: You can come watch porn with us!

Me: I’ll be there in just a minute.  (Literally… we live one minute away)

As I hung up, there was all kinds of other porn-related commotion and laughter that I’m not going to bother to repeat.

Ah, I love the people in my life.  The things that come out of their mouths just never get old.  And you thought my poo-poo mouth was one of a kind!

And no, I didn’t go watch the HBO porn with them.  Disappointing, huh.  Target was more interesting.  Besides, I already took a trip to the sex toy shop this week.

…

**Oh, the show-ers and growers thing… this is referring to what kind of limp dick a particular guy has.  Some guys hang there at a pretty impressive length.  You see it and you think… holy cow!  That sucker’s gonna be at least 8 inches! Those are the “show-ers”

Then there are the “growers”.  Those are the penises that shrink to incredibly small and completely unimpressive proportions.  When relaxed, they sometimes manage to tuck themselves away so tight into their little sleeping bag that you just know they’re going to top off at 4 inches max.  If that’s the way you see it for the first time, you’d probably run full speed in the other direction.

Now, here’s the amazing part.  A penis has some hidden tricks up its… er, sleeve.  The terms “show-er” and “grower” have everything to do with the limp peen only.  And in fact, whether a particular big-Jim-and-the-twins is hanging at porn-star length or at a cowardly half-inch while relaxed has absolutely nothing to do with its full-grown length.

Yes, this means that whether one is a show-er or grower is completely irrelevant to the actual proportions to which a particular peen amounts.

And I must say, thank goodness that the “growers” can be every bit as impressive as the “show-ers” once they reach their full length… otherwise, well, nevermind…

This has been another original post bearing the word PENIS brought to you by that person who doesn’t know how to censor herself.  Amen.

Current Mood: Mischievous

Tags: Penis

This entry was posted on Friday, May 1st, 2009 at 10:53 am and is filed under Make Me Smile. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.