Fighting My Own Beaten Path

I suck at being a housekeeper.

I’m also awful with balls.  Bouncy ones like basketballs and soccer balls (what were you thinking, you dirty bastard?).

And higher-level math.  I’m a few french fries short of a happy meal when it comes down to analytical number-work.

But the biggest thing I’m terrible at doing?  Putting myself first when I need to.  I’m definitely getting a bit better, but I still suck at it.

I have been slipping back into that dreaded depression again for the last week.  I didn’t even realize it until I woke up this morning.  After battling a nasty case of the stomach bug,  cleaning up massive amounts of kid-vomit, and finally surviving James’ version of the gastrointestinal crap, I felt wiped out.

Like, *really* wiped out.  So exhausted that I’ve been having trouble distinguishing dreams from reality when I first wake up in the morning.  I haven’t been able to summon the energy to go to my exercise class in a week.  Worst of all, I realized that I haven’t been talking to James the way I am supposed to.

When the depression is in control, I get sucked inside of myself.  I feel far away, isolated.  Especially from the person who loves me most.

Luckily, when I opened my eyes this morning, I actually recognized that I’m headed back in that direction.  Even better, though, I know that I have tools to combat it, and I am taking action today.

I am finished being a mere observer in my own life.

Excuse me while I go make a phone call to my therapist.

Current Mood:Sad emoticon Sad

Tags:

This entry was posted on Monday, May 4th, 2009 at 1:49 pm and is filed under Insanity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

4 Responses to “Fighting My Own Beaten Path”

  1. Jessica Says:
    May 4th, 2009 at 3:09 pm

    yay! i’m glad you’re trying to make it better. i’m also pretty sure we’re definitely related. i haven’t gotten on my bike in about two weeks, and that stupid light puke purple nail polish isn’t looking as good as the dark, almost black stuff. :/ i’m glad the vomit has finally stopped in your house… i hope it stays away for a long time! i’m hoping that the icks have cleared up here too… K hasn’t had a fever since Saturday. our math skills also sound about the same. (((hugs))) i hope it gets better for you really soon! the depression, not the math. math is useless anyways.

  2. Rosanne Says:
    May 4th, 2009 at 5:28 pm

    Good for you for recognizing what’s going on and taking care of yourself. You know I’m always here for you.

  3. Rosanne Says:
    May 4th, 2009 at 5:29 pm

    Oh – and housekeeping is so overrated. I’ve had household help for 30 years and I’d give up food first (LOL).

  4. LaRaeven Says:
    May 4th, 2009 at 5:32 pm

    *big hugs* You know .. I think we are going to be alright. At least we can recognize things these days right?! I go to the Dr. tomorrow for a much needed visit. You know what I will be bringing home with me or rather to the drug store first .. lol. Now if I can find a support group in my area I know I will be ok. Hang in there hun and try to keep communication open.