An Experiment Gone Horribly Wrong
Question: Is Subject J capable of doing his own laundry without being told?
Background: Subject J complains when he has no clean underwear, socks, or shirts. Does not care if jeans are dirty. Probably doesn’t notice the difference. But dammit, the manties need to be fresh or else it’s a sure ticket to a bad day.
Subject J will fold the laundry if nagged. He will also wash clothing and be careful to hang dry all his wife’s delicates if asked.
Hypothesis: Subject J will do his own laundry if clothes are left in a pile in front of his side of the bed.
Experiment Procedures:
- Allow Subject J’s laundry to pile up on his side of the bed.
- Wash white load for him to avoid catastrophic bad-luck-dirty-panty-days and hearing the panicked words, “Underwear is a family emergency,” uttered from Subject J’s mouth. Heaven fucking forbid.
- Leave dark load (aka all of Subject J’s shirts) on floor in a pile on his side of the bed so that he is forced to acknowledge his dirty laundry’s existence every time he want to lay down.
- Wash all the other laundry in the house and request that Subject J helps to fold and hang the clothes to dry.
- Watch Subject J stumble over pile of dirty clothes.
- Smile as Subject J parades the house topless in search of a clean shirt.
- Roll over in bed and sleepily tell him that the only clean shirts he has are the button-up ones.
- Cover face before Subject J can see the smug smile.
- Wait to see if Subject J throws his own damn clothes in the washer.
- Keep waiting.
Results/Data Analysis: The experiment was a complete flop. Subject J seemed to have no clue that not having a single clean shirt means he is going to end up either A) showing up to work in his pajamas; or B) going to work naked. Subject J did not seem to find this to be a problem when approached. Probably because he has the option of working from home. Stumbling over the massive pile of clothing was not obstacle enough to make him notice that all his freaking shirts were dirty and patiently waiting for him to wash them.
Conclusion: Subject J is lacking a brain cell labeled “wash laundry when dirty”. Either that, or he doesn’t care if people at work see him in his birthday suit.
How to Cope: Verbally tell him to clean his own fucking clothes.
And then write a blog about your experiment gone horribly wrong.
Current Mood:
Alarmed
May 6th, 2009 at 10:16 pm
Man this Subject J sounds like a real loser. Also, I should have made you write all of my lab reports for me when we were in college. :-*
May 6th, 2009 at 10:21 pm
Keep dreaming, loser…
May 6th, 2009 at 11:15 pm
Uhhh Tamra you sure we aren’t married to the same man??
May 7th, 2009 at 6:09 am
hahahahahahahaha! men. ugh.
May 7th, 2009 at 8:32 am
Holy shit, Kyle and I got a good laugh out of that. I’m soooooo glad Kyle’s a better housekeeper than I am. He does the dishes, because I can’t stand masticated food chunks. I do the laundry, but we both fold it. Although right now it’s in a revolving pile next to the couch right now because we haven’t had time to fold it.
May 7th, 2009 at 8:45 am
Mia, your situation sounds like mine. My husband does kitchen duty and I am on clothes duty. Only he doesn’t help fold or put away the clothes. But the whole revolving pile is my standard. If it isn’t in the drawers look on the couch in the den.
Tamra, your experiment is the same way I got my husband to do the dishes. You could try moving the laundry basket to the same spot he discards his clothes and every day move it an inch towards where you want the basket to be. By the time you get it back in place he should be trained to put his clothes in the basket.. or so that is my theory. Kinda like puppy and kid training.. consistency! consistency! consistency!