A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Dear Brain,

Look, unless you are willing to abide by my needs, I think we’re going to have to break up.  It’s been nice, really.  You’ve done good for me.  But seriously?  You need to learn when to shut up.

Let’s get one thing straight:  I need sleep to survive.  Being well-rested gives me the ability to resist the urge to strangle my in-laws and not beat the crap out of the bitch who forgot to take her happy pills in the supermarket.  It gives me the capability to swallow my pride and wear baby vomit on my new top with my head held high.

Sleep is also a vital part of my attempts to start a routine for this family.  I am trying to teach by example.

Now, please explain to me how the hell this is possible if you are unwilling to cooperate?  Don’t you realize that we are in this together, Brain?  If you sleep, I sleep.  Surely, you must be as exhausted as I always am.  Can we just find a way to work together?  Please?

I feel like I’ve done what I can to help you.  You need to reciprocate.  Relationships don’t work if only one of us is getting what we want, okay? It’s all about compromise.  You have all day to run like a maniac.  All I am asking is that you can shut the manic thoughts off so that I can fall asleep before the sun rises.  Look, this will be good for both of us.

And while we’re having this talk, I’d like to mention something that has always bothered me about you.  Why didn’t you make the necessary neuron connections (or whatever the hell is supposed to happen to make this possible) to help me pass Calculus without flirting with my math teacher?  Don’t you know how unethical it was for me to have to resort to push-up bras and smiling at him after class?  That guy had a crush on me, and I felt kind of bad playing his heartstrings like that.  Especially since there was never a chance in hell that anything was going to come of it.  Don’t think for a second that I wasn’t smart enough to average all my grades and figure out that there is really no chance in hell that I *actually* passed that class, even though he did give me a passing grade.  Wouldn’t it just have been easier to do your job and make it possible for me to understand derivatives and all that other bullshit?  It’s not like I didn’t stare at that hideous freak-of-nature calculus book until heinous hours of the night on a regular basis trying to make sense of that boring crap.  Why did you abandon me in my time of mathematical need like that?  It wasn’t fair.

But back to the point.

I would greatly appreciate it if you would at least try a little.  Please, let’s work this out.  Sleep equals happier Tamra.  Easy enough equation.  We can both understand it.

However, if you are unwilling to oblige, don’t put it past me to seek out a replacement.

Kindest Regards,

me

Current Mood: Mischievous

This entry was posted on Wednesday, May 6th, 2009 at 11:16 am and is filed under Daily Ramble. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.