Shit Happens
Cleaning up vomit and shit are probably the most glamorous parts of motherhood.
Especially when your three-year-old manages to get crap all over the toilet seat, the bathroom rug, her clothes, and just about everywhere else within a 3-foot radius. Not to mention the stinky brown goo smeared all over her butt, thighs, and hands.
It’s even better when your foot manages to step in it, slide out from under you, and helps you spread the love around the floor even more when you come running to the words, “Mommy! I need help wiping!”. Stupid, unsuspecting mother. You should know better than to step before you look. Remember earlier in the week when you ended up with a cut on the bottom of your foot after doing something similar?
This was in the midst of trying to clean sticky banana remains off of my other hollering child, who was trying to eat a hairball off of the rug.
And as if my sanity needed to be tested any further, Ben Stiller is on Sesame Street dressed as a cheddar cheese block singing, “These are the people in your neighborhood… in your neighborhood… in your neigh-bor-ho-oood!”
Shit happens, and I am living, breathing proof.
Excuse me while I go scream like the crazy motherfucker that I am.
Current Mood:
Angry
May 8th, 2009 at 1:03 pm
Ha! I can only imagine what Kade has instore for me. At 3 am this morning he decided to become a poo volcano… I’d wait to change his diaper to make sure he was done… and just as I’d get the clean diaper under him, he would errupt — this happened two times before I successfully got him change!
Meanwhile… he lays on the changing pad with the goofiest smile.
May 8th, 2009 at 1:38 pm
sorry you’re having one of “those days”!!! i had a similar blog on myspace once involving cleaning poo off a not-constipated-anymore 6 year old in a bathroom the size of a small closet. by the time i finally got him re-dressed, he wasn’t wearing any underwear (the only clean pair managed to go down the toliet when i flushed the dirty TP) and my jeans were smeared in poop. it was a GREAT day, made even better when he came home and said he told everybody he wasn’t wearing any underwear because his mom accidentally flushed his clean pair down the toliet. *sigh*
May 8th, 2009 at 2:28 pm
This is why I read your blog… these great, laugh out loud stories that are so funny and bizzare that no one could possibly have made it up if they tried. Thanks, I needed a good laugh today.
May 9th, 2009 at 7:23 pm
Excuse me – you would be crazy if you DIDN’T scream at those moments. You are supposed to scream! One of my good friends and I still remember the incident with her baby we refer to as the “Soylent Green” episode. We could never go back to that Shakey’s pizza on Broadway & Sarnoff…