Things People Say Without Thinking, Clearly

“So when’s the next one?” (As in, when is the baby factory going to pop out more offspring?)

  • I hate that question.  I already told you: I. DON’T. WANT. ANYMORE. KIDS. (What part of that are you not understanding?)

“Oh, just wait’ll the next one comes…[insert rest of annoying comment/assumption/jackass remark here]“.

  • I already told you.  There’s not going to be another baby.  Just because you had more doesn’t mean I want more.

“Seattle?  Why on earth would you want to move to Seattle?  It rains all the time there!  It’s cold!  It’s gloomy and overcast!”

  • Review your last three sentences.  Those are some of the reasons why we’re moving there.

“Ew… why is she wearing a pair of pants three sizes too small with that shirt?”

  • How the fuck am I supposed to know?  Maybe she just had a baby or something.  Give her a break.  And stop gawking at her.  It’s rude.

“If that bum is willing to ‘work for food‘, then why doesn’t he just get a job?”

  • Well, do you really think McDonald’s would be interested in hiring someone who hasn’t showered in a month?  Besides, who knows?  Maybe he’s a war veteran with too much mental trauma to work a steady job.

“You know, if he joins the military, he might get deployed.”

  • No shit, Sherlock.  Did you just figure that one out on your own?

“I don’t mean to be rude, but…”

  • Then you should probably stop right there.  Chances are, nothing nice is going to follow that statement.

“Ugh, I wouldn’t want to go there in June- it’s way too hot!”

  • Are you kidding me?  You live in southern Arizona.  It doesn’t get much hotter than this place.

“Well, if you’re going to move, then I’m going to just start detaching myself now.”

  • Please, try a little harder to be a manipulative asshole.  You’re not going to guilt me into changing my mind.

And now, for one of my personal favorites:

(While stocking the shopping cart full of Twizzlers, potato chips, Little Debbie Donuts, and cans of soda)  “I have no idea why I’m having so much trouble losing this weight.”

  • *cough* Yeah, me neither…

I need a good laugh today.  What would you like to add to that list?

Current Mood:Angry emoticon Angry

This entry was posted on Monday, May 18th, 2009 at 5:09 pm and is filed under Lists. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

7 Responses to “Things People Say Without Thinking, Clearly”

  1. Mia Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 5:54 pm

    When are you due? Kyle’s co-worker asked someone this who was not pregnant. If you don’t know the person, it’s none of your business. No matter how pregnant they look

  2. Mica Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 8:27 pm

    I will not name names but someone I know said this while someone else I know was in the hospital. The nurse asks the patient if they have been under anesthesia before and the patient says no. The other person proceeds to interject “what about the time you had that (while pointing at her THROAT) colonoscopy. True story. You should have seen the look on the nurse’s face!

  3. Samantha Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 10:06 pm

    You’re STILL breastfeeding? As if my son is 9 or something.

  4. James Says:
    May 18th, 2009 at 10:23 pm

    LOL Mia. In the immortal words of Dave Barry: “You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she’s pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.”

  5. Jessica Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 5:53 am

    “Are you fixin’ you somethin’ to eat?” the bad english isn’t even what bothers me in that sentence. what bothers me, is that the only time someone says that to me is when i am making a sandwich, or fixing a plate of food. i want to say “NO. I am not making myself something to eat. I am artfully arranging leftover food on this plate so I can see how long it takes for the microwave to turn it into charcoal.” stating the obvious for the sake of idle chit chat pisses me off.

  6. Dana Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 7:14 am

    uhh… seriously. you need to read my last blog “mean people suck”. and the one before it. I think I am surrounded by idiots.

  7. Kristen Says:
    May 19th, 2009 at 8:12 am

    Said in response to my comment that my 9-month old daughter is starting to walk…”You know that means she is just getting out of the way for the next one! Are you on birth control?”

    Yes, I do want another child and so does my husband, but we definitely don’t want one yet. No, I am not on birth control but we are taking necessary precautions…goodness! My son started walking at this time, too, and I heard the same thing. NINE years later I had my daughter!