Wanna Creep Me Out?
Step One: Ask me to help you with that dance pattern that James and I just taught in the group class. (Benign enough, I never mind helping people out, so this clearly isn’t the weird part.)
Step Two: (Stop holding your breath, this is where things get creepy) After I show you how to get into it, proceed to manhandle me, get to count “4″, and throw your… um… package (or lack thereof?) right into my hip.
And hold me there, firm, for much, much longer than you should.
Step Three: After I squirm out of your grasp and shoot you a dirty look, proceed to repeat step two twice more. Because obviously, this particular dance move requires grinding your dick into your partner on count 4.
Step Four: (By the way, I should have just slammed you into the ground before it ever got this far… did you know I have a second degree blackbelt in Jujitsu and could kick your ass faster than you can say, “Oh shit”?) Eh Hem, Step Four: Now that we finally move on from count 4, grab my ass on count 5 and hold on until I push you away on count 7. Then manage to glance in my direction with an innocent look on your face as you ask to try the pattern again.
Step Five: Repeat step four and five 4 more times despite redirection. Let me tell you, I love having a random member of the swing dance world shove his genitals into my thigh and grope my buns of steel. Especially right in front of my husband, who was too distracted talking to someone else to notice that his wife was being molested by some pervert right in plain public view. Maybe instead of redirection I should have just attached a knee into your groin and smiled sweetly.
Step Six: Give me a huge grin and thank me so much for helping you out. Yeah, I bet I helped you out in more ways than one, you sick fuck.
…
For the bazillionth time, I am way too nice. I should have just bit his ear off or something.
*shudders*
I feel violated. And very, very small right now.
I need a hug from someone non-creepy.
Current Mood:
Angry
May 29th, 2009 at 8:37 am
EEEWWW…that’s when I say in my loudest voice “grabbing ass isn’t part of the move.” What a pig.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:45 am
Why is it that we don’t shove them off of us right off the bat because WE don’t want to be rude? I’ve had my share of them and we always want to think that they don’t realize that they’re doing it when we KNOW they do. I always hate how small it makes me feel though, like I don’t have control of my own body. I had a bad experience with a certain country world champ. who kept touching my boob during a WCS coaching session. It was a whip for crying out loud and I wouldn’t put up with that shit from someone on their first lesson but because it was him I figured I was doing something wrong for that contact to occur. He was doing some choreography for me and he actually managed to always do it so that the camera couldn’t pick it up. I don’t know if it’s true or not but I later heard that he couldn’t go back to the UK because he would be arrested for inappropriate touching of underage students. These guys prey on women and he probably made sure that your husband wasn’t watching before he did it. I’ll be there next week and maybe together we can have the guts to drop his ass to the floor. =) Big hugs!!!
May 29th, 2009 at 11:52 am
Ugh, isn’t it the worst? For someone with a mouth like mine, it’s surprising how I just shut down when I feel like I’m being physically taken advantage of in any way, shape, or form. Yikes. Kind of scary for me to realize.
And I must say… I am very curious as to who that “champion” was… I’ve definitely run into a few creeps on the national chain as well.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
Yikes. That’s way out of bounds, and a word of warning to the other instructors (or at least the followers) wouldn’t go amiss.
May 29th, 2009 at 12:38 pm
Yeah… are you teaching next month, Jim? If so… you may want to mention the whole “proximity” thing. Unfortunately, it happened *after* the lesson, so there was no way I could make him squirm like a worm under a microscope in the middle of class.
May 29th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
Next month; Darian’s up next. One thing I’ve seriously thought of doing in any pattern involving hips is… have the leaders step away from their partners and ask the followers to put their hands on their hips. Then tell the leaders to notice what is, and isn’t actually a hip
May 29th, 2009 at 1:20 pm
Ah, that was going to be ‘next next month’ if I didn’t hit ‘return’ so fast. July, in other words.
May 29th, 2009 at 3:25 pm
Ugh, I’m always wary of teaching patterns that involve hands on the hip, but I made an exception last night because it was just a great pattern. I don’t think there would have been anything wrong with you taking a knee to his groin to show the natural consequences of that kind of “lead”.
May 29th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
First name Gary, last name rhymes with Smack Entire
May 29th, 2009 at 4:40 pm
ew, what a jerk. i’ve always had the same problem with being too nice…in highschool, my ass used to get groped by the same guy on the bus every day, and i just walked by after giving him a dirty look.
May 29th, 2009 at 6:34 pm
I think yelling GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME YOU DISGUSTING JERK!! would have flown out of my mouth.
May 29th, 2009 at 11:09 pm
Oh – let me at him next time – I’ve always got your back. Also, you’re the teacher – if nothing else, tell him immediately that he’s doing the pattern WRONG! (and that he’s a dumbass!)
June 12th, 2009 at 12:55 pm
all I can say is EWE!! I’m totally for the knee to the groin thing ;o) only bad thing is that not only your hip would have been all weenered out but so would your knee!! LOL!! Sorry~ I know it’s not really funny ;o)