A Public Promise, And A Couple ?s For *You*
I’d really like your opinion on this, so please, feel free to chime in. I won’t smack you if I don’t like what you have to say.
So I have this annoying little problem that drives me absolutely bonkers. I don’t know if I learned it from someone, or if I’m just too damn hyper to keep my mind on one thing, or if it’s just some sort of fundamental character flaw. But whatever it is, James pointed it out a couple days ago, and told me it’s something I should really work on.
He’s right. It is. It’s one of those Awful Truths About Tamra that I should probably keep to myself, but I’m going to blurt it out to the internet world.
I suck at finishing what I start.
Job-related stuff is a different story. I’m highly dependable in a professional environment. And I’m also great at nurturing my relationships with my husband and other people in my life. It’s my personal life that suffers from a 2-year-old’s attention span.
No, for real. I must have ten unfinished scrapbooks lying around. All “mostly” complete. I drove my piano teacher crazy with my inability to finish a piece. She used to ask me, exasperated, how such a talented pianist could have so little discipline when my explanation for not mastering the last eight measures of that Rachmaninoff piece was that I just had to learn that Brahms Concerto that moved my soul now. Oh, and the last three shirts in that pile of laundry? Hm… I’ll just fold it with that next load…
I’m also the master at giving up when shit gets tough. In college, I did an internship with a news broadcast station. When I discovered that one of the producers was spewing nasty comments about me to a co-worker, I stopped fighting for a position there and literally went on to pursue a whole other career. Will you ever see me on Dancing With the Stars? No way. I may be a professional ballroom dancer, but I hate competition. Oh, and don’t get me started on all the different extra-curricular activities I’ve tried getting involved with and dropped like wild fire the instant my mind started to wander toward a different creative outlet.
See what I mean?
Perhaps I should just give up and label myself The Professional Giver-Upper.
But I’m not going to. Now that my “problem” has officially been noticed and pointed out by the person I am committed to spend the rest of my life with, I have realized that I need to do something about it. Over the last few days, I’ve been trying to figure out why this nasty habit pops up at every corner and what I can do to improve this embarrassing confession of mine. And while I don’t have a good explanation as to why it happens, I do know I can focus on trying to change it.
I have a mental list of Things I’m Going To Do To Conquer This Retardedness. That involves boring necessities such as prioritizing my immediate unfinished projects and actually complete them in that order. And only biting off as much as I can chew. Oh, and also practice saying no when it’s more than I can handle.
In addition, though, I’m going to add something to play off of one of the few aspects of my life I have never given up on: Writing.
I love to write, as you may have noticed by my several-blogs-a-day obsession. I have been journaling since I was 11 years old on a consistent basis. Well, with a few-year break in college due to the fact that I was writing so many papers that I just didn’t have time to write for pleasure.
But it’s the one hobby I stick with, and I need to do something with it that I’ve always aspired to do.
Are you ready for this? *deep breath*
I’m going to write a book. And this is my public promise to myself.
I have attempted to write novels, but alas, I have always given up. I just haven’t been able to develop a storyline that keeps my interest. So I’m going to stick with what I know: All the shit that hits the fan when you become a parent. And maybe someday it’ll even be published. However if nothing else, I’ll at least have the satisfaction of finishing a project for myself. It’s something I need to do for me.
So I’d like to know… is there anything you think should go into a book about the less-glamorous parts of parenthood? I have an outline of all sorts of lovely tidbits I can’t wait to throw onto a computer screen, but I am certain I am missing quite a few superb points that simply must be included.
And also- what do you think? Am I nuts for doing this? Any been-there-done-thats who have advice? Any comments at all?
I’m listening!
Current Mood:
Happy
June 24th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Tamra –
I totally know what you’re talking about. I finally conquered almost all of my laundry pile with one load left to go and I let it sit…now there’s a whole new pile on top of that one load left.
I also have the same problem with scrapbooks. I started one for the boys…bought all the books and printed out all the pictures I wanted to include…ya…never got around to it. Given we moved for our 3rd time in 3 years and I broke my elbow all around the same time…but those are just really excuses for the problem.
I think a lot of our problem is having kids now. Every time we start a project because they’re asleep someone wakes up and wants constant attention. But again…just another excuse.
I agree with the professionally we’re fine. We always do what is required, but its personally that is the problem.
On a happier note we should definitely get together soon! I saw Kim Bortz last week (maybe it was the week before) and met her little boy Kade…what a cutie!
Talk to you soon!
Kimberlee
June 24th, 2009 at 10:03 am
I think that if your book is witty and fun like your blog, it will be a best seller. : ) (Not sucking up for a free book or anything.)
I’m totally uncreative at the moment, but the most un-glamorous thing I can think of is the ability that most/all parents seem to have to discuss diapers and poop anywhere. My uncle gets so pissed at us during our family dinners because we all discuss anything and everything around the table.
June 24th, 2009 at 10:16 am
I totally think you should “go for the gold” on the book. Maybe if you think of it professionally you can pull it off? I don’t know. I have the same problem with starting things and not finishing them. I just don’t have the stamina for some projects. I usually don’t find that out until I am half way into something. I have a nifty little problem of heading as far in the opposite directing when I hit opposition. I will work harder to not do whatever it is I should to, yet if I would just comply things would go easier. Some call that part being stubborn. For me it is fears that wrap me up so tight I can’t breath.
One thing with losing a friend that was barely older then myself, it gives me a different perspective on life. I now need to stop thinking of the woulda shoulda coulda and think of what I can do.
As far as book ideas and such, sorry hun I am no help. I did have a few blogs that I started and um didn’t finish that were about parenting. Maybe I will find something there for you. I will look at least.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Tamra, I am totally there with you. Supposedly that is a major character flaw of the Aries sign. Don’t know if you fall under that but I’ve always assumed since I do then it must be true. I think I read that under some horoscope thing. I dunno. But I digress. I think it’s applaudable to write a book about the unglamourous side of parenting. How about the sleepless nights? the days it’s a fight just to take a shower? Constantly being covered in food, slobber, puke, breastmilk or formula (I know you know that infamous sour milk smell)?? Helping kids finish their science projects…making costumes for their school plays.. playing doctor, couselor, peace maker, disciplinarian, and still look fabulous for when hubby comes home… staying up late to make sure everything is ready for the next day.. unable to go to the bathroom without hearing mommy mommy mommy…rationing out your time to which crisis needs your attention now and what can wait…Maybe some of those will help stimulate your creative juices. HTH!!!
June 24th, 2009 at 12:24 pm
One reason why it was easy for me to point out is because I struggle with this too. My problem is when I start procrastinating on things that need to be done, I eventually feel overwhelmed thinking about all of the things I have to get done and it spirals down from there.
Then I see something new and it’s so tempting to abandon the previous thing and dive into the new one because I’m starting with a clean slate. Unfortunately, this usually leads to the same thing happening and I end up with yet another unfinished task.
The things I’ve found that help me the most are:
1. Making lists of all of the things I need to do. All those tasks just don’t look as scary when they’re on paper and out of your head. Plus, crossing them off feels so good.
2. When I think “Oh yeah, I have to do X…”, I just do it right then and there. If I can’t finish it right then, I do something that gets me closer to finishing it.
3. I also give myself permission to get rid of stupid stuff from my task list. If something’s been sitting there for months, maybe it’s not as important as I thought it was…
4. Just saying no to new things. Ok, I’ll be honest, I still totally suck at this one.
I love you! :-*
June 24th, 2009 at 1:47 pm
wish i had something interesting to say, but my brain is crap right now. i can relate to the “never finish a project” syndrome… note, the diapers, bags, and stories i’ve never gotten around to finishing. anyways, when my parents leave i’ll catch up with my blogging and commenting… so maybe i’ll have something useful to add later.
June 24th, 2009 at 4:21 pm
I probably have a lot to say about this, and I’m going to take the time to think about it. In the immortal words of my heroine, Scarlett O’Hara – I’ll think about that tomorrow. For now – just coping with being the mother of two small children is an achievement in and of itself. The fact that laundry, cleaning, cooking and other necessary tasks get accomplished is great. The distraction factor is huge. When you start with someone like you describe yourself, and then add two small children – it’s amazing that anything ever gets done. First and foremost – be nice to yourself. Notice when you do accomplish something, even when it’s something small, and give yourself credit. Look what it took to bake the chocolate crack cookies and the amazing cake you made the other day. In terms of a book – I say GO FOR IT! Go for anything that brings you joy and lifts your spirit. And be nice to yourself in the process. It may mean that you need more help during the week in order to accomplish something that is “professional.” Be gentle and loving with yourself, no matter what you’re doing.
June 24th, 2009 at 4:54 pm
http://neuronarrative.wordpress.com/2009/01/16/on-procrastination-sometimes-genius-doodles/
June 24th, 2009 at 5:03 pm
Ah ha, then maybe there is a bit of genius in this mess of a head of mine after all
. LOL! I need a t-shirt that says, “I’m not lazy, I’m just a genius working overtime!
June 24th, 2009 at 5:04 pm
Well, I must say that it’s a bit of a relief to see I’m not the only nutcase running around without finishing most of the stuff I start. While it’s highly frustrating, I suppose I can at least sort of blame it on being easily distracted by my two monsters…
June 24th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
I think that if you want to write a book then you should give it your best shot. If it doesn’t work out, then that’s fine. But if it does, that’s great, right?
June 24th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
I’d totally buy a book you wrote. And I’m right there with you on not finishing anything. I think it just comes with having kids. Do what you can and forgive yourself for the rest. In 10 years, it won’t matter that you never finish the last of the laundry.. your kids are only little for so long. Soon they’ll be in school and you’ll have all day to finish folding clothes.
June 24th, 2009 at 11:36 pm
Me too…ugh..story of my life. I get all excited about something get into it, only for the lust to quickly die away. Sort of like falling in love and then realizing that feeling doesn’t last forever then leaving when it is done.
Sagittarius Possible Weakness: Glossing over problems or avoiding difficult situations
Big problem of mine. ^^^
I guess it is the reason I don’t have many hobbies. Reading is a big one, but that comes and goes. For months at a time I will read read read then stop. Now I am at about 3 months for not reading any books. Had a 2.5 month streak of running. Though now it is beyond my control sort of. I can come up with an excuse for everything too. Sigh…it sucks. I guess that is why I don’t spend money to get into anything. I did try knitting once (thankfully didn’t spend much on that) it proved to be pretty hard, then I accidently (or what that subconciously) left everything in the US. Sort of wish I had it, I would like to try again. Sigh…now I actually want to try sewing. Gott sei dank, a friend has a sewing machine she doesn’t use and is only collecting dust. Which means I can experiment first.
As for the book. Uhh…my idea’s come and go, so when put on the spot I am completely worthless. I will get back to you.
June 25th, 2009 at 1:27 am
Another way to look at it is that perhaps the passion to learn and conquer a new challenge matters more than the actual outcome.
For me, I usually just need to know that I CAN do it, I’m not into bragging rights re: look at me and all I have done (followed by shoving homemade crap into people’s faces). I’m more into the knowledge that if I want to do something, I know I have the skill to do so.
Yet another way to look at all the unfinished items in your life is as shoes that didn’t fit. You tried it on, you walked around, you took it off and moved on. Why would you ever want to spend your life hobbling around in shoes that pinch your feet? Slavishly tied to a project that doesn’t excite you?
When something matters to you, excites you, fits your world – you’ll finish. Until then, leave the misfits behind in a box in your closet.
August 12th, 2009 at 11:40 am
[...] in case you were wondering, yes, I am still working on my book about this. I’m not going to stop until it’s done. Even if it takes a year or [...]