Operation Bathoom-Door-Closed
This is utterly disgusting, so naturally, I have to share it with everyone. Me and my big mouth.
Fang discovered that crawling is a much more efficient means of mobility than the inch-worm scoot. I’m relieved because it looks quite a bit less ridiculous than the lopsided drag she was doing before, but there’s also a downside.
In addition to banging my pots and pans together (ack!), she has learned that she can find me regardless of where I choose to hide.
Take yesterday morning, for instance. I left her on the living room rug to watch Sesame Street so that I could brush my teeth and fix my hair. About a minute later, I heard the slap-brush-slap-brush and the loud, excited coos of my child in pursuit of her mother crawling down the hallway. There was no escaping. She made her way into the back bathroom and instantly started pulling up to a standing position with the help of the toilet and began digging crap out of the trash can.
Note to self: Hide bathroom garbage from Baby Fang.
Dumbly, that “note to self” erased itself from my memory this morning, but I have a feeling I won’t forget anymore after what I found in my kid’s mouth a few minutes ago.
While I was occupying the front bathroom toilet in a sudden oh-my-gawd-my-guts-are-rupturing-from-the-chili-I-made-last-night moment, I realized that I could no longer hear April playing in the kitchen. I mean, I could hear her babbling, but I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from.
So after bidding adieu to my date, the crapper, I followed her innocent-sounding happy noises into the back bathroom.
And you wanna know what my daughter was DOING?
I almost had a heart attack.
SHE WAS CHEWING ON A CONDOM WRAPPER THAT SHE HAD DUG OUT OF THE TRASH.
I suppose it could have been worse, right? AGHHHH!
But still. Holy shit. I am never leaving the bathroom door open again.
I am the worst mother ever.
Current Mood:
Alarmed
Tags: Kids
June 25th, 2009 at 9:58 am
Well thank god it wasn’t a condom and only the wrapper is all I have to say! lol
June 25th, 2009 at 10:14 am
You are not the worst mother ever. We have had to move all trash cans to hidden places as well. The one in the kitchen is in the pantry closet. The one in the bathroom is under the sink behind child locked cabinet doors.
June 25th, 2009 at 10:25 am
Oh my gosh! Better the wrapper than the condom itself I guess, lol.
June 25th, 2009 at 12:14 pm
LOL! I second Riki/Dawn and Denielle! Thank goodness it was just the wrapper.
File that story away for when she’s older!
June 25th, 2009 at 2:42 pm
Ahhhh hahaha!!!! That’s your spawn! Amazing.
June 25th, 2009 at 3:53 pm
my mouth is hanging open as my brain is dumbly reciting “oh my god i better hide the trash cans before that happens to me” over and over again. then i just remembered that J’s had a vasectomy, so there’s nothing as interesting as a shiny gold wrapper in the there, since i chucked them in the move. heehee. don’t worry, you’re only a bad mom if you did it intentionally, or had it happen accidentally more than twice.
June 25th, 2009 at 7:53 pm
Yeah, I’ll admit that I panicked and did a quick search to make sure that the *cough* used condom wasn’t anywhere in sight. It wasn’t, thank God. Ew… I know, so gross.
June 26th, 2009 at 1:32 am
Maggie has gotten the condom box…she likes boxes that have things in them…which make noise. Maggie has been crawling for some weeks now. I can’t escape her and the apartment isn’t big enough. We don’t have a bathroom trashcan, the only one is in the kitchen. Thankfully it has some sort of locked lid. Sometimes I can’t even get the lid off.
She puts everything in her mouth. My contact lens case, my toothbrush, my toothpaste tube, shampoo bottle, her water thermometer, various skin cream boxes, condome boxes, cat toys, paper, anything on the floor. Her lastest thing she likes to chew on is flash lights. My DH keeps one by his side of the bed, we used it when maggie was a little smaller…she chews on them now. Oh and her shoes..and…I also umm…found one of MY hairs in her pampers. Just think of a dingleberry…yea…
June 26th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
HAHAHA I can’t even comment because I am just LAUGHING! You are not the worst mother ever. Trust me! That is so funny
July 9th, 2009 at 9:01 am
Can’t…type….laughing too hard…….
July 14th, 2009 at 8:53 pm
Oh man. I thought Ethan eating cat food or a rock was gross. At least Fang just ate the wrapper.