I Found THE CURE!

My site has become Google’s playground for the search term “cure for itchy balls”.  That and “strip tease songs”.

I already posted my top 20 drive-your-partner-crazy songs, so I’m going to reveal the solution for itchy balls as well. Because… ta da!… I found it!  I really did.  Here it is:

Chop ‘em off. They won’t bother you any longer.

Okay, but if you’re like my husband, who absolutely refused to do that (as if he’d miss them or something *pffffft*), then here’s the non-mutilation route to CURING YOUR ITCHY DAMN BALLS:

goldbond

Gold Bond Medicated Body Powder.

It works.  I threw some in the shopping cart at Target recently in a desperate attempt to cure MY HUSBAND’S ITCHY BALLS.  I was sick of him waking me up scratching them in his sleep.

The cure didn’t stop at putting the bottle in the cart, though.  Oh, no, it sure didn’t. I literally attacked his naked ass with an obscene amount of medicated-smelling stuff and wasn’t satisfied until his southern end looked like the victim of a severe snowstorm.

And it worked!  It really did!  He didn’t scratch them ALL NIGHT LONG!

Now if only I could get him to use it every single night. *hint hint*

I should buy stock in that powder now that I revealed its magical powers.

And while I’m on a role, does anyone have a cure for stopping your significant other from farting while you’re trapped together in a small, enclosed space?  This problem is seriously getting out of hand in the Hood household.  And for some reason, my darling husband seems to have NO CLUE why it isn’t funny that I fall over gasping for breath every time he passes gas in the car.

I just may have to tie off a certain-someone’s colon while he sleeps.  And drown his ass in Gold Bond Medicated Powder while I’m at it.

Current Mood:Mischievous emoticon Mischievous

This entry was posted on Sunday, June 28th, 2009 at 11:05 pm and is filed under Sarcasm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

5 Responses to “I Found THE CURE!”

  1. James Says:
    June 28th, 2009 at 11:14 pm

    Wait THAT’s what that powder’s for? I thought it was some kinky sex thing…without the sex…and with a lot more laughing involved… Oh well, I guess the tingle means it’s working. :-D

  2. LaRaeven Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 7:47 am

    What is good for the goose is not always good for the gander. Just be careful not to get that stuff on your southern end. You might live to regret it. Chuck uses baby powder almost every day down there. I have learned that my body doesn’t tolerate it well.

  3. Tamra Says:
    June 29th, 2009 at 11:39 am

    Oh, good advice. I hadn’t thought of that…

  4. Amber Says:
    July 1st, 2009 at 1:40 am

    As for the farting thing…I wish I could get my husband to not do it within 20 feet of me. Some days I want to vomit, I swear something died in his ass!!! Oh, and I can’t go within 10 feet or so of the bathroom after he drops a load…some days 20 feet if he had drunk a lot of beer….ugh, men. but at least no itchy balls here.

  5. Horrible Says:
    August 27th, 2009 at 9:09 am

    [...] that my mom doesn’t think to do a google search for “Strip Tease Songs” or “Cure For Itchy Balls” at work, since that’s another hot term for pulling up this [...]