A Poll: Abortion
One of the most controversial topics in history: Terminating a pregnancy.
Loading ...My personal belief on abortion? I don’t like it. I think it is wrong. However, I consider myself pro-choice (*ducking as flying clubs hurdle toward me*). Not because I think putting an end to a beating heart is somehow okay, but because I don’t believe it is my right to tell someone what they can and cannot do with their own body.
Using abortion as a means of birth control? I’m against that completely. I believe in educating people about their choices to avoid unwanted pregnancies, and offering support in carrying the pregnancy to term and considering options such as adoption. However, I’m not going to point my finger at someone who chooses to have one and tell them they’re a sinner. It’s not my place to judge.
Really, I think what it comes down to is that it’s just not a black and white choice for me. There are too many “what if” cases. Like this one:
http://www.babble.com/why-i-had-a-second-term-abortion-the-hardest-choice/index.aspx
Now, if you haven’t heard this from me before, I skipped doing a sonogram during my second pregnancy because the one I had with Julie left me terrified and devastated. Her test results showed nuchal thickening (like what is mentioned in that article), and the doctor recommended I do further testing because it was a marker for Down’s Syndrome. James and I discussed our options and decided we would refuse any kind of testing (such as an amnio) that could possibly endanger our baby’s life. Furthermore, we refused to do another sonogram at a later date to help confirm the possible diagnosis. We didn’t want to know, and everything else on our baby appeared to be perfect.
I was heartbroken, and for the next 17 weeks, I agonized over the possibility of my child having a serious disability. Would my in-laws be accepting and love her if she wasn’t “perfect”? Was everyone going to blame the fact that my child had a disability on me? Would I be able to bond with my baby?
The knowledge that further testing might confirm that the life growing inside of me very well could have Down’s Syndrome made me feel worse. I didn’t want to know. I knew that God wouldn’t give me more than I could handle, and I made up my mind that I would be grateful for my daughter regardless of any issues she had. I didn’t want to know ahead of time. I just didn’t.
I suffered in silence. Everyone I told let me know how high of a false positive rate tests like that have, and they told me not to worry. But I couldn’t help it.
Twenty-six hours after a horrifically painful natural labor and birth, Julie was in my arms. Smashed, bruised, chunky, beautiful, and absolutely healthy as possible. No syndrome to speak of. I kept checking her little hands and face for signs that something may be wrong, but everyone kept telling me she was perfect.
Fast forward to almost two years later. Considering the amount of emotional turmoil having an ultrasound caused during my first pregnancy, I asked my midwife if I could skip doing one unless in the case of a true concern. She supported my decision completely, and said that she actually didn’t even recommend doing one except for in specific cases, such as high-risk pregnancies.
Baby number two popped out perfect and beautiful as well, and my mental state was much more positive during the pregnancy without the added “something may be wrong with your baby” stress.
However, I know that our choice to not find out for sure is not necessarily a popular one, and as a result, I empathize with women like the one in that article. What a horrible choice to make. She must have been heartbroken.
So I’m curious- what are your thoughts on abortion? Is it ever okay? Is it never okay?
As always, the results are confidential. I don’t even know who voted unless you leave a comment. And I’m not going to judge you one way or the other.
Current Mood:
Playful
June 30th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
I don’t think I ever could, but I try to keep in mind that you should never say “never.”
I had an ultrasound at 20 weeks and our neighbors gave us a 3-D ultrasound near the end (don’t remember exactly when). While it was quite amazing to “see” my baby inside of me, I found it to be incredibly disturbing. Dan wanted it so we did it, but if we have another child, we won’t be doing it. It just seemed as though that wasn’t what mother nature/God intended. I was depressed that on his (refused to find out if he was a he or a she) birthday no one was going to say “10 fingers and 10 toes.” I know that sounds nutty, but I felt like I was ruining his surprise for me…like he had been working so long to grow and be who he was and I was peeking at the present before it was time to unwrap it. Okay, that had nothing to do with abortion….I digress.
June 30th, 2009 at 1:24 pm
We’ve talked about this, but I had to comment. I think if you’re not going to consider abortion, there is absolutely no reason to test for problems with the baby during pregnancy. It just causes a lot of unnecessary suffering like what you described.
Some people say if you know, you can prepare, maybe by taking a class or something. I think that’s a load of crap. There’s no way to prepare for having children in general, so what makes people think you can prepare to have a child with a disability?
From our birth experiences, in the moments right after your baby is born you form a really strong bond with them. After that moment, I think if you found out something was wrong with the baby, that bond would still be there and you’d just take care of it. But if you know beforehand, it can build stress or resentment that messes with that bonding time.
Anyway, just my 2 cents. :-*
June 30th, 2009 at 1:26 pm
what a heartbreaking story in that link! i will say, that i agree with her choice 100%. to spare a child who is destined to die [painfully] anyways either in utero, or at best by 2 years old, is an act of bravery. as a married woman, in a secure relationship with children already- abortion of a healthy baby isn’t even an option for me. in the case of children with disabilities that can/are diagnosed in-utero? i don’t know- every situation is different, and i really can’t say what i would do until actually put in that situation.
June 30th, 2009 at 3:37 pm
There is another situation that is hard for some women our age. Imagine making the choice that you do not want kids, ever, period end of story. You’ve stuck by that choice for as long as you can remember. Since birth control is only 99% effective, depending on what you use, you decide you want your tubes tied. You go to the Dr. and explain your decision. The Dr. tells you, “you’re too young to make that choice, come back in a few years.” You continue to stay on BC, but ultimately you end up pregnant because the medical field is against your choice, now what?
June 30th, 2009 at 3:51 pm
Yet another reason I am pro-choice. I just don’t feel that simply because I wouldn’t feel comfortable having an abortion that my decision is right for her.
June 30th, 2009 at 4:25 pm
I have the same thoughts as you, Tamra. I am definitely pro-choice but I can’t imagine having to make that decision for myself. And who I am to judge an individual for making a choice that they felt was right for their life? I am, however, against it being used as a method of birth control. I’ve heard too many young girls (students of mine) make comments about taking care of a pregnancy by getting an abortion. I think it is horrible that it is looked at as something so easy to do.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:06 pm
Tamra,
I used to be extremely pro-choice, never in a million years would I have considered an abortion under any circumstances.
Now, after having a child out of a “broken” relationship, I can’t rule out the fact that I would have one in the future, especially if circumstances were less than ideal.
Don’t get me wrong, I never even thought about aborting M, and never wished I had. I never regret my choice and I never regret her. But when I think of doing this all over again, I’m not sure I would be strong enough to do that.
While I never EVER thought I’d hear myself utter these words, I think I have turned the tide and gone pro-choice and wouldn’t rule out an abortion in the future. (Not saying I’d go out of my way to be stupid and get pregnant – but if somehow it happened.)
June 30th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
Sorry I meant to say… I used to be extremely pro-LIFE. Doy. Sorry.
June 30th, 2009 at 6:52 pm
Agreed with prior posters and what you have said too. I fully support a woman’s right to choose what is right for her body and her life. That said, I would hope and pray that I am never faced with the gut wrenching situation the woman in the article was.
I always enjoyed and looked forward to our sonograms. Maybe it was me being blissfully optimistic and ignoring the fact it is indeed a medical test. I just wanted to see my little man grow. But what if something didn’t “look right”? It sure would have been a different situation.
The doctor suggested getting the blood test that checked for abnormalities at the beginning of the pregnancy. At first, we refused because the results wouldn’t have changed our desire to continue the pregnancy (at least that is what we believed). Later we decided to get the test because chances were it was going to come back negative and we could continue the pregnancy knowing everything “looked good”. I have no idea how devestated we would have been if we weren’t so lucky to have good results…
June 30th, 2009 at 8:01 pm
I put ‘I would, but only in extreme cases’. That being said, we denied all the downs/abnormalities testings with Adam. We agreed that if the baby wasn’t perfect, we would continue with the pregnancy anyways, so we didn’t feel the need to test.
However, now that we already have one child, I think I would consider it if the child would live a short, painful life. If the quality of the child’s life would be very low, it would take a toll on the whole family. While the ’sick child’ would be important, I also think the family as a whole should be considered. If my dog were suffering from an extreme abnormality that she would not recover from, I would put her down. Not because it would be a burden to deal with, but because I love her and wouldn’t want her to suffer. Not to compare dogs to kids, but I would feel the same about my child.
That being said, I hope I never have to make that decision. I think that’s the kind of thing you just don’t recover from.
July 1st, 2009 at 1:36 am
After having a baby, it would be extremely hard for me. Before her I would have considered it, if I could take care of her. I grew up very poor and when you can barely feed a kid, it is no life for them. Fast forward to now…I really really couldn’t consider it unless there was something wrong with the child. It might sound selfish but, I could not raise a disabled child. A normal child is enough work. My DH and I agree about this too. Thankfully, everything with Maggie came out fine. It would be too hard after carrying a baby to consider abortion now.
What’s somewhat funny is, as I am writing this there is a thing on CNN with disabled kids.
July 1st, 2009 at 11:08 am
It’s so interesting to read all of your perspectives on this topic. Experience as a mother really does change initial beliefs fairly drastically. I have been on both sides of the fence- I *was* pro-choice, then as I got older, I leaned more towards pro-life… and now as a mom and adult, I am definitely pro-choice.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:11 pm
Motherhood definitely changes perspective. As someone who has now carried and birthed a child I cannot imagine that you wouldn’t know immediately that you were carrying a precious life that should be protected inside of you.
But on the flip side, I cannot imagine how emotionally and physically painful a pregnancy would be for someone who didn’t wish to be pregnant but was forced by law to carry a baby to term.
So, while I would hope that someday every baby conceived is wanted and cherished by its mother, I will never think it is okay for the government to force a woman to remain pregnant against her wishes.
July 1st, 2009 at 12:37 pm
Amy- I couldn’t have said it better.
July 1st, 2009 at 7:36 pm
I have a child with Down syndrome. I can tell you that 90% of women with that prenatal diagnosis choose to terminate the pregnancy. I think it is a decision based on fear and misinformation. I understand the fear. I’ve experienced it. I, too, had to grieve for the child I thought I was having. BUT, I would not trade this child for that one. This child is a gift, a joy, a delight. He has something extra and it’s more than a chromosome! I wish I knew then, what I do now. I wish I could go back in time to the grieving, frightened mother that I was and tell her not to fret over a seeming lack of perfection. Because he is perfect! The 90% statistic frankly makes me ill. These women are making a choice they know nothing about.
In the case of a fatal prenatal diagnosis, I still would not choose termination. I know of many mothers who have been faced with that and carried to term. They did it to give life to their babies for as long as they could. They did it to have closure, to be free from guilt, to enjoy every last turn and kick, to take their babies to the beach (in utero) and the zoo and Disney World. But, mostly, they did it because they felt like it was not their life to take. One such mother’s story can be found at: http://www.audreycaroline.blogspot.com I encourage you to click on her story. Even when tragically shortened, life is still a beautiful choice.
July 1st, 2009 at 9:38 pm
Tara- What a beautiful experience you have shared with me and everyone else who sees what you have written.
I personally am one who chose not to do prenatal testing. Regardless of what the results were, I was sure that I would love and nurture my child and find her a wonderful blessing in my life. I will most certainly read the link you have sent me.
Thank you for your incredible perspective, and I wish you and your beautiful son the best.
July 2nd, 2009 at 9:18 am
[...] Please go back and read comment #15 under my post from a couple days ago called A Poll: Abortion. [...]
July 2nd, 2009 at 5:06 pm
Tara, I’m glad to hear that perspective on Down syndrome. When I was stationed in Korea, my unit volunteered at an orphanage. The orphanages there are church sponsored homes where parents can take their children if they can’t afford to take care of them. I completely fell in love with a little girl that had Down syndrome. Being in the financial situation that I was in, there wasn’t much I could do other than volunteer my time and play with her. If I would have been in a different situation though, I would have done everything in my power to take her home. She is probably about 4 years old now, I would love to see her again.
July 3rd, 2009 at 12:46 pm
I voted extreme as well. We didn’t do testing with either of our pg’s. With Karissa, everything turned out great and no problems! When pg with Seth, we heard “your hcg levels are low, you’re going to m/c, no wait they are fine, no wait they are bad, let’s do an u/s (expecting nothing there), oh look a baby perfectly fine but the gest sac is a little small and we’ve never seen that before no biggie, oh you have a 2 vessel umbilical cord but no biggie, oh baby’s breech no biggie, oh he’s tucking his chin in how cute”. We finally had him and everything looked great…until he tried to nurse. And then we got the “a little of a cleft, hips are a little loose, we need a breathing/feeding test, we need a sleep study, he’s jaundice” Finally, we bring him home and the PPD starts.
I remember bawling my eyes out wanting to enjoy my baby, but not feeling like I’m fully able to and secretly hoping the first year away so alot of the “issues” could be fixed. Here we are almost a year later and two more ‘issues’ pop up and we are hopefully *cross fingers and toes* two surgeries away from being done with surgeries and I still wish to have at least some of the first year back knowing we’ll never get it again. But as I hear my little guy in his crib right now saying mama over and over, would I give it up? Nope! There was a higher chance of downs with the 2 vessel cord, but I took a chance. And once out? He had three, one was just really, really small!
But where do you draw the line as far as disabilities? Seth is considered disabled with his cleft, his hips and his shoulers. And Seth may have eye and ear problems later, his hips might dislocate again, his shoulders most likely will never be fixed…but my baby is happy and lovable and sweet and I couldn’t ask for a better baby!