A Poll: Moving Away *gasp*
I admit it- I’m lame. Our move to Seattle will be the first time I’ve lived far away from my Mommy and Daddy (no, I don’t actually call them that...).
Loading ...My umbilical cord is still attached, apparently, because I woke up on my wedding day in my parents’ house… the same place I’d lived for most of my life. And when we bought our house? I didn’t even consider looking further than like 10 minutes from the house in which I grew up. We’re only a few miles from my parents.
So I’m full of nerves and excitement and the reality of Oh my gosh, I actually have to sever that umbilical cord that has been attached to my gut for the last 27 years. I know, it’s long past time. But it doesn’t make it easy. It also doesn’t help that my parents encourage their kids to keep that damn thing attached like a very short leash.
So I want to know your own experiences with moving away from your family. Was it really hard? How did you cope? Am I the only mama-and-daddy’s-girl who is finding this a bit difficult despite the fact that I know this is for the better?
We haven’t told my parents that James is flying out next week for his final set of interviews yet. There’s no right time, but I know they’re going to react badly even though they know this move is inevitable. I think it would be easier to tell them if, say, I were in the military and didn’t have the choice. It’s the fact that we are making this choice that fills me with a bit of anxiety.
Current Mood:
Playful
Tags: Seattle
July 15th, 2009 at 10:02 am
As you know, I moved away and now I’m back and miserable. But I have to be honest, when we lived in Texas I talked (or at the very least, texted) my mom every day. So yes, it’s hard, even more so when you have kids. There were times I needed a break so badly I thought I was going to go crazy. But you get through it. Overall, I like living a few states away. Oh, and we are in-contract with builders now! Our new house will be done a few weeks before Mike gets home, check out my blog! I’m so excited!
July 15th, 2009 at 10:45 am
I’ve had a magnetic pull to my folks for years. Left at 17, returned at 18, left at 19, returned at 20 and then they left me in their house and moved all the way across the country.
At 22 I left their house and they sold it. We were still across the country from one another.
At 23, they came to visit for my birthday and decided to stay…moved into MY house, lived there for 16 months while they built their house.
Two houses later for me, and I’m living two doors down from the house they built.
When they first followed me here it ticked me off…I blamed them when things weren’t going as I’d planned or hoped…thought they were holding me here. The reality was I just didn’t have the guts to make the move on my own…wouldn’t have if they were here or not.
Now that I’m married with a baby I am happy to have them close, but if the opportunity presented itself to move somewhere I wanted to be more than here (can’t think of that place-love it here), than I would in a heartbeat. I’d miss them, but this is my life to live.
I think it is pretty normal for you to be so close to your folks. What reason have you had to leave? If you don’t go away for college and some great job offer doesn’t come along, than I think most people just stay put…its like an old shoe…even if its worn out and gives you blisters, its still hard to get rid of it.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:52 am
hmmm…i’ll give you all the gory details. when i was 11, i moved from CT to TN. i lived in TN for 11 years.
when i went to college, i moved in with my husband and his mother and her mom. (then boyfriend) when i found out i was pregnant, i stayed there rather than moving back in with my parents when the semester was over.
after a lot of fighting between me, MIL and J and his mom, we moved to an apartment, where we lived when i had K.
then we moved back in with MIL because we couldn’t afford the apartment anymore. (J worked several jobs in this time period, none of them paying a young uneducated father very well)
soon, he landed the job with the railroad, but the only opening was in KC. so we moved to an apartment there.
then we bought a house, and MIL followed us to MO from TN. she lived with us for a couple months while she found a house of her own. then we foreclosed on our house after building the addition onto her house.
we moved in with her, lived there for about 3 years, and started renting our current house after realizing that she’s an impossible bitch.
somewhere during all that, my parents moved from TN to VA…where they live now.
and through all that i feel like i’ve forgotten something.
shit, that was complicated. we move too damn much.
July 15th, 2009 at 10:57 am
You missed one on your poll: Yes I moved away but was forced to move back, GET ME THE HELL OUTTA HERE!!
July 15th, 2009 at 11:15 am
Dammit, now you have me looking at houses in WA. Your evil!!!
July 15th, 2009 at 11:33 am
We moved away last summer for hubby’s job…first time living outside the city (or within a 20 min drive) from the folks in 36 years. Granted it’s still only 2 hrs away, but it feels a LOT farther. Up until November, I was the only sib with grandkids, so it was REALLY hard on my folks since we spent every weekend over there swimming or hanging out giving mom/dad as much time as possible with their grandkids. I was lucky, younger sis married an Air Force guy, so they’ve moved all over the world (literally) and that broke the ‘rents in.
Moving was the best thing career wise for the spouse, school wise for the kids and independence wise for me. Yes it hurt to be so far away, yes there were times I was ready to throw my ring at the hubby and say screw you I’m outta here, and there were times where I’d be on the phone with mom in tears because I missed her so damn much. BUT, on the up side it has made our marriage stronger than ever (witness to the fact we made it through the last 4 months of HELL), my sense of self feels more free and in control and the move caused us to value the family time we have together much more. Trying to picture what life would have been like had we stayed is truly a dismal vision!
I cannot tell you that this will be “the best thing that ever happened to you” just because it was for me, even though it’s taken me a year to admit it. You will discover strength you have never known within yourself because it has to be there, for yourself and your family. The first few months will be exciting, getting settled, finding a house, moving in, everything that comes with being in a new place. But there will be times where your depression and homesickness could rear it’s ugly head and cause you to question wtf you were thinking!! That’s when you look at how happy your hubby is, the beautiful city that brought you so many “homey” feelings (great pictures, welcoming new dance group, actual body of water) and see how much your children are blossoming away from the environment that caused you so much harm (no offense – you asked).
Give it a year, and then look at yourself in the mirror and try to imagine what life would be like if you never took a chance at growing up and discovering who you could become. Would you regret it?
From all of the responses your friends have written to various blogs, you have a TREMENDOUSLY loving support system. I hope that I speak for everyone when I say, you can do it!
July 15th, 2009 at 12:21 pm
I’ve never considered moving far away from my mom. When we started house hunting we only looked at places within 10 minutes or so of her house. I’m a mama’s girl and always have been. The idea of moving far away scares the crap out of me.
But as hard as it would be I’d do it if it were the right thing for my family.
July 15th, 2009 at 1:16 pm
I left home 3 days after I graduated from high school and have never lived with my parents since. I have a 500 mile limit for distance between our homes. They are REALLY old (87 & 101!) now and I have to take care of them sometimes and we work it out. (I’m actually at their house right now.) I’ve always done more for them than either of my siblings (for a variety of reasons). I do talk to them every day, even if it’s only for 5 minutes. They spent the winter renting a house in the town where I live and I almost tore my hair out after two months.
On the other hand, I have two adult daughters – one lives in another state and one lives in the same town as I do. I am very close to both of them (have keys to their houses) and our relationships are full of love and mutual respect. It’s nice to know that their choices of where they live were based on positive things in their own lives, not their need to get away from me.
Because of the advances in technology that exist today – like cell phones, email, SKYPE, air travel, etc. – living far away doesn’t have to mean being disconnected. You can stay as connected (or separate) from your parents as you choose – the point is, it will be more of your choice when you live more than 10 minutes away.
Bottom line – you’re a bright, competent adult with a fantastic loving husband and two great kids and you’ll be fine wherever you are.
July 15th, 2009 at 2:12 pm
Furthest I got was 30 miles away. By the way they went on, you’d think I moved to China.
Once the economy turns around and this house isn’t a liability, I really, really, really want to move to Colorado.
Still hard though. Not that I have a problem moving away from my parents – but DH’s parents! I don’t think either of us want to leave them behind… maybe there is some way to convince them to come with us!
July 15th, 2009 at 4:13 pm
I couldn’t wait to leave my parents home. I chose to go to the state university farthest from my parents, I married a military man right after graduation and the only reason I moved back to the area was because I was getting a divorce and needed someone to help me with my son while I looked for a job and got settled on my own. I refused to move back in with my parents at any time. Even when I moved back to the area, I refused to even move to the same city. I’m about 15 minutes from their house and only see them about once a month (even though my mom works about 2 miles from my home and I work about 5 miles from hers!). I love my parents but my memories in the home were not positive and I’ve had a lot of anger over the years toward my mom…we just don’t get along that well when we are forced to be in the same place together for too long.
So, I coped very well…only visited home in college during holidays. I can’t relate to what you are going through but I think you are going to do a lot better than you think you will. I’m proud of you and look forward to reading of your adventures!
July 15th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
Part of my college I lived 1000 miles away with my husband. When we knew we were expecting our daughter we moved back to my hometown which is also about 700 miles closer to Steve’s family. It has been great having the support of my family, and childcare that we can count on. It’s beautiful watching Moanna with her grandparents and great-grandparents. However, there are limited opportunities in this small part of Virginia, and we would love to move where there are more possibilities for our family. It’s exciting and scary to think about. The hardest part it taking our daughter away from the people that have helped us so much and been such a huge part of her life! We will leave some day in the near future, but it’s not going to be pretty.
July 15th, 2009 at 6:58 pm
Tamra,
YES, we moved away and love it. NO family drama. NO worrying about which set of grandparents have seen the baby the most, no pop ins or guilt trips.
We literally up and moved to FL form NC not knowing a soul, not even having been to the city we live in. I had the opp to transfer my job. DH did not have a job adn we did it anyway. Seems crazy is retrospect but it is the best thing we have ever done.
I think you truly become who you are when you are on your own. No one there as a sure fire back up, etc. Like, if DH and I want to go out, we have to make plans adn get a babysitter, we cant just call grandmom.
Anyway, I have a lot of strong feelings on this one. Email me any time.
You all will be GREAT!
July 15th, 2009 at 9:22 pm
Oh wow- thank you everyone for your comments and reassurance! I really appreciate all of your perspectives, and I’m glad I’m not the only one who was worried to fly from the nest. I think you are all right, though- this is going to be a very positive change for us.
July 20th, 2009 at 12:01 am
I moved a continent away, but I was never really close with my family. The phone and internet are always around.