A Surprisingly Sane Blog

1. I like to pull on his body hair.  Particularly, his armpit hair.  I do it gently, but it’s still gotta annoy the shit of of him.
2. I sniff his feet and complain that they stink.  He’s always laughs, “Well then, don’t stick your nose between my toes“.  And I’m like, “But I can’t help it!“.
3. I call his tighty-whities “panties” or “manties”, almost never just “underwear”, which I think most men probably prefer.
4. I yell at him for farting when we’re together in enclosed places, but he’s not allowed to complain if I do.  Hey, mine just don’t smell half as rank as his do.  He just laughs.
5. I kick him really hard when he’s flopping around at night.  It’s cruel, I know.  But he almost never remembers, so um, that makes it okay, right?
6. I poke him in the ribs when he’s being a goofball.  He’s obscenely ticklish and hates when I do that.  To make matters worse, I try to convince him that he *really does enjoy it*.  He always assures me that he *doesn’t*.  But I know he’s just in denial.
7. I pop his toes if they’re anywhere near me.
8. I leave poopy cloth diapers piled up on the bathroom sink for him to clean if April decides to have ultra-active bowels on a particular day.  Which is most of the time.
9. I make him make all of the phone calls.  I hate calling people.
10. I complain about the way he blows his nose.  But it’s gross- he doesn’t do it like a normal person.  He jams a tissue up his nostril and twists it, then throws the disgusting snot rag, boogers clearly evident, into the trash.  *barf*
11. I blog about his itchy balls and ass crack.
12. I constantly get on him to clean his toenails.  Guy feet are just nasty.
13. I ask him if I can scratch his balls for him when he’s digging at his crotch at night.  Then I try to attack them with my fingernails while he fights me off.  (Oops, that goes along with number 11…)
14. I pop his zits if he doesn’t.

He deserves a seat in heaven just for putting up with his crazy wife.  I sure love that amazing man.

Current Mood: Playful

Word is out to our families that James is flying out today for his final interviews.

We told my family over lunch on Saturday.  I was certain I was going to barf chips and salsa all over the table when I saw the devastated looks on their faces when we spilled the news, but I never got that far.  Instead, I devoured the rest of my lunch with an excited smile on my face.

Not only did they take it well, they were great about it.  And when we showed them pictures of the house *fingers crossed* that we are holding our breath to make an offer on, they seemed almost as excited as we are about this move.

I don’t know if this is the calm before the storm, but at this point, they are being genuinely supportive about it.

James’ mom was great about it, too.  The surprise was his dad’s reaction.  Out of all our family members, he most certainly has the least to do with us.  Not because he’s a bad guy or anything, but because, well, that’s just the way he is.  I’d be shocked if he’s ever been close to a single soul besides his mama.  He’s a brilliant man, just not so much with people, if you get what I mean. Okay, fine, I’ll quit tiptoeing around it.  That was my diplomatic way of saying he’s a complete social retard.  I’m thinking maybe he has Asperger’s or something.  For real.

But anyway, he actually asked us if we would consider moving to (*snort*) Phoenix instead so that we could be closer.  Um, no.  We’re trying to get away from the heat.  That would be grossly counter-productive.  Moving to Phoenix would add at least 5 degrees to the already unbearable weather.  And when James announced that his final interviews were coming up this week, my father-in-law actually said, “Well, it sounds like you have some pretty big decisions to make.”  This was after we already told him we are moving to Seattle.

Maybe denial is a stronger force that I originally thought?

The only decision I’m working on right now is what kind of tree I want to plant over my placenta.

Yes, you saw that right.  That link explains the whole thing.  Read at your own risk.

Current Mood: Happy