A Surprisingly Sane Blog

1. I like to pull on his body hair.  Particularly, his armpit hair.  I do it gently, but it’s still gotta annoy the shit of of him.
2. I sniff his feet and complain that they stink.  He’s always laughs, “Well then, don’t stick your nose between my toes“.  And I’m like, “But I can’t help it!“.
3. I call his tighty-whities “panties” or “manties”, almost never just “underwear”, which I think most men probably prefer.
4. I yell at him for farting when we’re together in enclosed places, but he’s not allowed to complain if I do.  Hey, mine just don’t smell half as rank as his do.  He just laughs.
5. I kick him really hard when he’s flopping around at night.  It’s cruel, I know.  But he almost never remembers, so um, that makes it okay, right?
6. I poke him in the ribs when he’s being a goofball.  He’s obscenely ticklish and hates when I do that.  To make matters worse, I try to convince him that he *really does enjoy it*.  He always assures me that he *doesn’t*.  But I know he’s just in denial.
7. I pop his toes if they’re anywhere near me.
8. I leave poopy cloth diapers piled up on the bathroom sink for him to clean if April decides to have ultra-active bowels on a particular day.  Which is most of the time.
9. I make him make all of the phone calls.  I hate calling people.
10. I complain about the way he blows his nose.  But it’s gross- he doesn’t do it like a normal person.  He jams a tissue up his nostril and twists it, then throws the disgusting snot rag, boogers clearly evident, into the trash.  *barf*
11. I blog about his itchy balls and ass crack.
12. I constantly get on him to clean his toenails.  Guy feet are just nasty.
13. I ask him if I can scratch his balls for him when he’s digging at his crotch at night.  Then I try to attack them with my fingernails while he fights me off.  (Oops, that goes along with number 11…)
14. I pop his zits if he doesn’t.

He deserves a seat in heaven just for putting up with his crazy wife.  I sure love that amazing man.

Current Mood: Playful

This entry was posted on Monday, July 20th, 2009 at 12:38 pm and is filed under Lists, Marriage. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.