A Surprisingly Sane Blog

James is somewhere in the midst of his interviews as I type this, and I’m somewhere halfway between hyperventilation, barfing, and stuffing my face with my latest batch of fudge pecan brownies while guzzling a lethal dose of coffee.

I must have had the nervous shits 7 times in the last 24 hours, and I’m not even the one with my balls stuck in a nutcracker and a dry-erase marker in my hand trying my damnedest to impress the geekiest of the geeks by scribbling out some kind of gibberish in the language of Computer Geek while surrounded by geeks who just might be geekier than I am IF THAT’S EVEN POSSIBLE.

But I’m not freaking out or anything.  Really.  I’M JUST FINE.

Maybe I should call my psychiatrist for a sedative.  A STRONG ONE.

*inhale* *exhale*

Okay, I feel a little betterafter getting that out.  Sorry ’bout that…

Anyone else this neurotic when their significant other is interviewing for a new job, or am I the only nutso?

Current Mood: Alarmed

I got an email this morning from the University of Arizona Near Eastern Studies department requesting families who are willing to do a homestay this weekend for Iraqi students who are part of a foreign-exchange program.  And I got really excited, except for one problem… we don’t have an extra bed in our house.

So what did I do?  I forwarded the email to my parents, who live in a beautiful house with plenty of space, and called my mom to convince her that she simply must host one of these students this weekend.

I studied abroad in Heidelberg, Germany for a summer during college, and it was one of the best experiences of my life.  I stayed with an amazing family with whom I have since lost touch (I believe they moved, as my mail was sent back to me).  But staying with them was so eye-opening and such a positive influence on my life that I have always wanted to host a foreign exchange student since then.

But seriously, any person who calls mommy and daddy begging them to host some random person from another country a few days before the fact must be a complete weirdo.

Or maybe I’m not.  Would you do the same if you were in my shoes?

Current Mood: Cool

I have the utmost respect for single parents.  How they take care of their kids day after day and still manage to put food on the table is beyond me.  They are, without a doubt, amazing.

No, I’m not so pathetic that my household is suddenly out of control, but if I had to do this day after bloody day, I’d be a madwoman running around with a bent fork in one hand, dirty diapers in the other, my hair long and ragged trailing behind me, and the look of insane fireworks in my eyes.  You know, entirely different than what I’m like on a normal basis.  *cough*

Sometimes I worry that I wasn’t cut out to be a mother.

When James and I first married, I didn’t want kids.  Not because I didn’t like them, but because I wasn’t sure if I possessed the traits necessary to be a good parent.  I never wanted to subject some innocent human being to my horrific parenting skills.  It just didn’t seem fair.

But alas, here I am.  A mom to two beautiful, happy, incredible little girls.  And if you rate your parenting based off of how happy your kids are and how well they behave, then I’m doing a damn good job despite all of the difficulty I’ve had with keeping my mental health in check.  So whenever the thought holyshitwhatwasIthinkingbecomingamom passes through my head, I just remind myself that there is no shame in recognizing your weaknesses and admitting that having kids is just downright maddening at times.  And no one is a perfect parent.  We will all make mistakes- that’s just part of it and that’s okay.

I was indeed meant to be a mother.

But seriously, I thank God every single day that I have a supportive partner to help me out.  That vision of crazy Amazon Jungle Woman reminds me how good I really have it.

Now, can I say how much I miss my husband, even though he’s only been gone for less than 24 hours?  I’m ridiculous, I know.  Military wives, please don’t beat the shit out of me in cyberspace.

Current Mood: Happy