A Surprisingly Sane Blog

No, for real.  Avert your eyes if you have a weak stomach or don’t want to know way too much absolutely disgusting info about me.

Over a decade ago when I ended up needing surgery for an abscessed gland on my hoo-haw, the whole infection began with months of extreme fatigue, a reoccurring, painful lump on my crotch, diarrhea, back and spinal pain, and finally, an explosion of bloody puss.  A couple days later, I had to have the ruptured gland removed.

Well, apparently my body decided to do a fast-forwarded version of the whole process this time.  Within a month, all of those symptoms have hit again full-force, ending with the explosion this morning before I nearly collapsed from the agony in the shower while I feebly attempted to make sure all of the bloody puss had successfully escaped.

On a good note, this particular event isn’t nearly as bad as what happened last time.  And I can walk and move around comfortably now that this thing is no longer putting pressure in the worst place possible.  I’m keeping my fingers crossed that it all heals up on its own.  Quickly.

So if you’re wondering where the hell I am today, I’m lying in bed on a heating pad with a headache and crotch pain trying to will my body to be better now that the gland has attempted to commit suicide.  I’ll also be downing a lethal dose of Vitamin C because I have dance lessons that need to be taught and I’m too stubborn and stupid to cancel them.  And hey, I can walk better, so that must mean that dancing will be a breeze in comparison to what I’ve been dealing with all week.

And of course, I’ll be praying that any infection and swelling stays far, far away so that I don’t end up in the hospital while in Seattle this weekend.

Damn my pathetic, fucked up genes and body chemistry.

Current Mood: Sickly

I love this email.  Got it again and had to share.

Dear Diary

Just moved to Arizona ! Now this is a state that knows how to live!!

Beautiful sunny days and warm balmy evenings. What a place! It is beautiful. I’ve finally found my home. I love it here..

June 14th:

Really heating up. Got to 100 today. Not a problem. Live in an air-conditioned home, drive an air-conditioned car. What a pleasure to see the sun everyday like this. I’m turning into a sun worshiper.

June 30th:

Had the backyard landscaped with western plants today. Lots of cactus and rocks. What a breeze to maintain. No more mowing the lawn for me.

Another scorcher today, but I love it here.

July 10th:

The temperature hasn’t been below 100 all week. How do people get used to this kind of heat?

At least, it’s kind of windy though. But getting used to the heat is taking longer than I expected.

July 15th:

Fell asleep by the community pool. (Got 3rd degree burns over 60% of my body).. Missed 3 days of work. What a dumb thing to do. I learned my lesson though. Got to respect the ol’ sun in a climate like this.

July 20th:

I missed Lomita (my cat) sneaking into the car when I left this morning. By the time I got to the hot car at noon, Lomita had died and swollen up to the size of a shopping bag, then popped like a water balloon.

The car now smells like Kibbles and Shits.

I learned my lesson though. No more pets in this heat. Good ol’ Mr. Sun strikes again.

July 25th:

The wind sucks.. It feels like a giant freaking blow dryer!!

And it’s hot as hell. The home air-conditioner is on the fritz and the AC repairman charged $200 just to drive by and tell me he needed to order parts.

July 30th:

Been sleeping outside on the patio for 3 nights now. $225,000 house and I can’t even go inside. Lomita is the lucky one. Why did I ever come here?

Aug. 4th:

It’s 115 degrees. Finally got the air-conditioner fixed today. It cost $500 and gets the temperature down to 85. I hate this stupid state.

Aug. 8th:

If another wise ass cracks, ‘Hot enough for you today?’ I’m going to strangle him. Damn heat. By the time I get to work, the radiator is boiling over, my clothes are soaking wet, and I smell like baked cat!!

Aug. 9th:

Tried to run some errands after work. Wore shorts, and when sat on the seats in the car, I thought my ass was on fire. My skin melted to the seat. I lost 2 layers of flesh and all the hair on the back of my legs and ass . . . Now my car smells like burnt hair, fried ass, and baked cat.

Aug 10th:

The weather report might as well be a damn recording. Hot and sunny.

Hot and sunny. Hot and sunny. It’s been too hot to do shit for 2 damn months and the weatherman says it might really warm up next week.

Doesn’t it ever rain in this damn state? Water rationing will be next, so my $1700 worth of cactus will just dry up and blow over.

Even the cactus can’t live in this damn heat.

Aug. 14th:

Welcome to HELL! Temperature got to 115 today. Cactus are dead.

Forgot to crack the window and blew the damn windshield out of the car. The installer came to fix it and guess what he asked me??? “Hot enough for you today?”

My sister had to spend $1,500 to bail me out of jail. Freaking Arizona .

What kind of a sick demented idiot would want to live here??

Will write later to let you know how the trial goes.

Current Mood: Cool