A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Okay, so I’m starting to get a little nervous.

Three weeks from today, I’m moving to Seattle.  And I have that old childhood fear sneaking up on me all over again:  What if they don’t like me?

Who “they” are, I’m not entirely sure.  Why I am suddenly worrying about this a bit is even more unclear to me.  However, I can’t ignore the fact that it’s there.

As a kid, I was a bit… weird, to say the least.  Eight years in a cliquish Catholic school wasn’t exactly a warm, accepting experience like the term parochial school promises.  It was quite the opposite, in fact.  I wasn’t “cool” by any stretch of the imagination, and dealing with the depression that has always plagued me left me with an excessive amount of social anxiety even then.

I learned quite a few hard lessons, especially that most kids suck at keeping secrets.  Considering what a horrifically honest, tell-it-exactly-like-it-is-even-if-it-knocks-you-over sort of person I am, I spent more than my share of days trying to find a way out of going to school so that I wouldn’t have to face was was waiting for me behind those classroom doors.

It taught me to be a very closed-off person, which stuck with me until I became an adult and realized that I couldn’t keep forcing myself to be something I’m not and I started opening up to the public via my blog.

I swear there’s a point to this nonsensical rambling.

In the years I’ve spent recovering from a fairly traumatic childhood, I’ve come terms with the fact that I will never run with the “cool kids”.  You won’t see me in Vegas dressed to the nines with a group of girlfriends sipping a cosmopolitan, or hanging out at a bar drinking a beer and dancing without a care in the world while onlookers drool like horny dogs.  I wasn’t ever the kid who played sports and went to all the slumber parties, and I continue to be far from that person even today.

So as you can imagine, I have a little more than just a slight amount of apprehension about our pending move.  What if they don’t like me?

This is a silly fear.  The dance community up there knows us and has been incredibly welcoming, so we have some built-in acquaintances.  Thank goodness.  The relocation company will help me find a job if I so desire.  And I have my internet friends from all over with whom I talk to much more frequently than just about anyone in “real life” these days.

I’ll be okay.  But childhood fears die hard.

Would you mind giving me a hand with this knot in my stomach?

Current Mood: Alarmed