That Ooey-Gooey Shit
Being separated from my husband is hard in all areas, but one of the worst parts is the lack of non-verbal communication.
I think it’s easy to forget how much we convey to one another through body language when we’re around the person we love day after day. Suddenly, when they’ve been gone for awhile, phone conversations become frustrating and texting and IMing just doesn’t have the same appeal. It sucks.
Now, James is the more physical of the two of us. In order for him to know I love him, he needs physical affection. I’ll admit it was difficult and frustrating and even kind of irritating for me to fulfill those needs at first because I, on the other hand… I’m a little more physically stand-off-ish, I guess. I don’t know if it’s birth order, the way I grew up, or what. I’m just not the touchy-feely-ooey-gooey sort by nature. But James is, so I’ve learned to be much more warm and cuddly to make sure he’s getting what he needs.
Well, being away from James for several days has kind of proved to me (much to my utter horror… I can’t believe what a love-sick pansy I’ve become) I need a bit more of that non-verbal communication than I realized. Not just the body language, which I am very sensitive to, but the physical affection as well. It’s weird to suddenly see how much James communicates that way and how I’ve become so used to it that it doesn’t stand out to me as kind of annoying any longer. But holy shit, it’s clear now that he isn’t here with me. I really do miss his constant hugs and (ugh) even a bit of that irritating groping-thing he does while I’m changing. Words over the phone seem so empty sometimes, and it’s easy to feel distanced, which is really crappy.
Some hot, rough sex would be nice as well. It’s been awhile, dammit. There’s nothing like sleeping on old twin mattresses in your parents’ house to serve as a complete turn-off in your last week together before the big move.
Whoops, my bad, that was probably a serious TMI moment.
Ha ha, like I’m really going to apologize. Oh, deal with it. You saw that coming. Just keep a poker face at all times, and we’ll all be okay, right?
Current Mood:
Bored
Tags: Love
September 3rd, 2009 at 10:06 pm
Tamra, I think I would feel the exact same way if I were in your shoes. My husband and I are a lot you and your husband with the non-verbal communication(except we are both touchy feel-y). I’ve said it before but I don’t how you are able to stay sane being away from your husband so long.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:23 am
Ha! I haven’t smiled that big since I got here.
I miss being with you too sweetie! :-*
And it has been a while…thanks for sharing. LOL
September 4th, 2009 at 7:26 am
Great, Scotty is going to be away for 2 months and we won’t even have the verbal communication. I don’t think it has anything to do with birth order, I think it’s the family we grew up in. Even though we are really close, none of us are touchy-feely. Scotty is constantly pawing at me (second child), I’m (also second child) always telling him to get the hell off of me!
September 4th, 2009 at 7:49 am
LOL… it *could* be a guy-thing… or maybe just the ones WE happened to fall in love with?
September 4th, 2009 at 8:30 am
i wish my husband would paw at me a little more… the only reason he touches me is when he’s trying to get in my pants. with two kids running around, it’s not that often anymore! :-/
J was away for 6 weeks on job training for the UP. i suppose it was probably an *almost* good thing our relationship was on the rocks at the time, or i might actually have missed him. mostly, i was just trying to stay alive while living with his mom, and a almost 1 year old baby.
September 4th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I was NEVER a touchy feely person before Caleb either. I hate hugging people and I only kiss Caleb and my daughter, even kisses on the forehead from relatives bug me a little. But when I’m with Caleb I feel like we need to be touching almost constantly.
September 4th, 2009 at 12:56 pm
Thanks for paragraph 2, I thought it was just me. Kyle is the same way as James, and I’m more standoffish. It’s been hard for me to adjust, but I’m getting more and more used to it. Kath, good luck with the 2 months. I’m glad I didn’t go through that having an “other half.”
September 4th, 2009 at 10:50 pm
These are good realizations for you. I’m glad you’re thinking about this stuff.
September 5th, 2009 at 11:07 am
Interesting that you posted this yesterday, because paragraph 2 came to a head again last night…It’s hard to argue when you’re managing pain with narcotics and can’t string 2 words together.