Job Posting

Occupation: Wife

Duties:

  • Take care of my kids.
  • Cook
  • Clean
  • Scrub
  • De-clutter
  • Pull weeds
  • Organize
  • Finish unpacking
  • Do laundry
  • Put out when necessary.
  • Clean up my 1-year-old when she gets into the bathroom and plays with pee water.
  • Look pretty for me.
  • Grocery shopping
  • Figure out why the upstairs smells like piss and remedy the problem.
  • Scrub poopy cloth diapers with a smile.
  • Put up with my sarcastic smart-ass attitude.
  • Make coffee
  • Get me off when I’m horny.
  • Pump gas into my car.
  • Sweep the porch.
  • Decorate
  • Give me an honest opinion when I ask if my ass looks big.
  • Keep the spawn quiet so I can get my beauty rest.

Qualifications:

  • No whiners, complainers, or assholes
  • Must be willing to work through holidays, nights, weekends, and every day of the week.

Salary:

  • $0/year

Benefits:

  • My gratitude when I’m not in a bad mood.

Must have excellent references, a bachelors degree or five, unending patience, and willing to put up me and my kids.

Any takers?

Current Mood:Angry emoticon Angry

This entry was posted on Tuesday, October 6th, 2009 at 1:17 pm and is filed under Sarcasm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “Job Posting”

  1. Rosanne Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 1:36 pm

    Good one.

  2. adayinthelife Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 1:40 pm

    Hahaha. That’s awesome.

  3. Tamra Says:
    October 6th, 2009 at 5:15 pm

    Oh, I forgot to add that gender doesn’t matter. As long as they’re willing to be my wife.