An OCD Moment

I was folding a mountain of clothes last night when I shuddered because I realized I was resisting the urge to make sure that there wasn’t a single wrinkle stuck under the folds of my daughters’ clothing.

I’m particular about folding.  And the order inside my cabinets.  Luckily, I take a little pill or two for that.  But it doesn’t stop the fact that the urge is still inside of me to spend 20 minutes smoothing out my daughter’s Ariel panties because by gawd, my world will come crashing down should a fold be hiding in that pile of toddler underwear.

I always joke about the fact that I wish I were obsessive-compulsive in a “cleaning” sort of way, but really, I know that wouldn’t be any better.  I’m extremely anal retentive about objects behind closed doors- such as my dishes and silverware and covered bookcases- but the crap left out in plain sight is difficult for me.  I don’t know where to start with it, and I get this panicky twinge from deep inside when I see clutter.  I always try to fix it, but for some reason I can’t seem to get it cleaned up when I’m have a bad OCD spell.  Really, it’s because I have this weird habit of getting distracted from one mess to another, so I end up leaving piles of both messes in plain sight.  It’s frustrating and stupid, but like the wrinkles in a basket of laundry, I can’t seem to get past it sometimes.

Luckily, with the help of medication, I can function without making sure all the glasses in my cupboards are spaced exactly the same distance apart.  When I think about this particular aspect of my mental illness logically, it all seems so freaking stupid.

But on the days when I can’t get anything accomplished because I can’t get rid of those wrinkles in a pair of panties… well, I have a lot of trouble thinking logically.

Today is one of those days.

Be very, very glad you’re not me.

Current Mood:Alarmed emoticon Alarmed

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This entry was posted on Thursday, October 8th, 2009 at 10:26 am and is filed under Insanity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to “An OCD Moment”

  1. LaRaeven Says:
    October 8th, 2009 at 11:48 am

    I am sorry you are having a bad day. I am very grateful to the inventor of those little round pills that make our worlds a better place to be in. I just wish they would fix any gaps in the system. Even on meds bad days seem to come and go. *big cyber hugs* just keep putting one foot in front of the other.

    (btw, first comment post or else I wouldn’t have dared clicking that link)

  2. James Says:
    October 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm

    I think the comment spammers have gone away…but I could be wrong.