Admitting the Obvious
Friday, October 9th, 2009James told me I need to find a new therapist last night. And he reminded me this morning.
It was a relief to hear that. I’ve been really struggling with my depression, OCD, and anxiety the last couple of weeks. All of the changes- moving, saying goodbye to my family, learning to live in a new city, my kid overdosing on homeopathic remedies zoning out like a stoned zombie for the rest of the day, etc., have been adding up and smothering me lately. Even though I absolutely love this place and couldn’t be more satisfied with our decision to move here, I am having a really tough time trying to swim to the surface for a breath of fresh air amidst this sea of stress.
James reminded me that I don’t have to do it alone, a fact for which I am so grateful. I am “with it” enough to know I need to get help, so that in itself is a relief.
However, I do admit that I am worried that I’ll have to do a medication or dosage change. I don’t want to end up looking like this someday:
I’ve been on Prozac long enough to know it doesn’t make one feel like a zombie, so you’d think I’d be over my fear of medication. Wrong. I still worry, even though I know from personal experience that it makes me feel normal and healthy. You know, the way people feel when they are naturally not a fucked up mess in the head.
But you know what? I think it’s blatantly obvious that I’ve been having a lot of trouble in the mental health department lately, so I’m going to do whatever it takes to feel stable again. I’ve been on both sides of sanity. The dark side isn’t worth it.
Current Mood:
Confused