Admitting the Obvious

James told me I need to find a new therapist last night.  And he reminded me this morning.

It was a relief to hear that.  I’ve been really struggling with my depression, OCD, and anxiety the last couple of weeks.  All of the changes- moving, saying goodbye to my family, learning to live in a new city, my kid overdosing on homeopathic remedies zoning out like a stoned zombie for the rest of the day, etc., have been adding up and smothering me lately.  Even though I absolutely love this place and couldn’t be more satisfied with our decision to move here, I am having a really tough time trying to swim to the surface for a breath of fresh air amidst this sea of stress.

James reminded me that I don’t have to do it alone, a fact for which I am so grateful. I am “with it” enough to know I need to get help, so that in itself is a relief.

However, I do admit that I am worried that I’ll have to do a medication or dosage change.  I don’t want to end up looking like this someday:

ugly-winehouse-in-car

I’ve been on Prozac long enough to know it doesn’t make one feel like a zombie, so you’d think I’d be over my fear of medication.  Wrong.  I still worry, even though I know from personal experience that it makes me feel normal and healthy.  You know, the way people feel when they are naturally not a fucked up mess in the head.

But you know what?  I think it’s blatantly obvious that I’ve been having a lot of trouble in the mental health department lately, so I’m going to do whatever it takes to feel stable again.  I’ve been on both sides of sanity.  The dark side isn’t worth it.

Current Mood:Confused emoticon Confused

This entry was posted on Friday, October 9th, 2009 at 9:15 am and is filed under Insanity, Therapy. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

3 Responses to “Admitting the Obvious”

  1. Anon Says:
    October 9th, 2009 at 10:21 am

    The dark side does indeed suck. I am a regular reader but I’m posting anon for this one. Sometimes a therapist can help so much, and it’s an act of love that James can talk to you about that. He sounds like a helluva great guy.

    Get connected with a trusted therapist in your new locale. Sometimes though we want to emerge from that dark cocoon, the muck continues to cloud the mind. I’ve had my share of muck, provided graciously by mucky people that were more f’d-up in the mind than the average sociopath. I’ve finally emerged, but it’s a daily struggle.

    May the force be with you!

  2. Rosanne Says:
    October 9th, 2009 at 10:54 am

    Correcting a chemical imbalance in your body is much different than abusing drugs and looking like that photo. Look at the photo of you on the right side of your blog after your haircut – with you shining eyes and smiling face – that’s the image that a medication adjustment is much more likely to produce. I support your decision completely – you are not in this alone and don’t have to suffer. Getting the help you need is a positive and proactive and healthy choice. I’m the poster child for better living through chemistry and PROUD of it!
    I was originally getting on to comment about yesterday’s post about the accidental ingestion of meds – self-flagellation serves no purpose. self FORGIVENESS is priceless.
    Love you very much.

  3. James Says:
    October 9th, 2009 at 1:15 pm

    Thanks hon. I can’t believe what bad shape we were in when we finally got help the first time. We’re not going to let it get there again. There’s just no need to suffer when there is good help out there. I love you! :-*