A Surprisingly Sane Blog

I’m having some serious body image issues lately, and I just can’t seem to get past them.

Part of the OCD I struggle with are reoccurring, obsessive, negative thoughts.  Starting at about 6 weeks postpartum, it got so bad I couldn’t sleep because I was so fixated on how much I hated the hideous stretch marks on my hips and below my navel.  Or how the prolapse made me less than human.  Or how much I despised my vagina after having two kids.  So on and so forth.  I could go on for days.  You get the picture.

And it was weird, you know?  Because it’s not like any of those things really truly do cause problems or actually matter in the whole scheme of things.  The stretch marks aren’t bad or noticeable to anyone except me.  Shit, I can still get away with wearing a bikini, for crying out loud.  Not very many mamas of two are comfortable doing that, and I know what a damn blessed bitch I am for being able to post that on the internet (*ducks rotten tomatoes*).  The prolapse… well, it sucks, I won’t lie, but after the physical therapy, it’s not really as much of a problem anymore.  Sure, I still get discomfort in my lower back and abdomen from it, and from time to time I deal with some of the effects of it, however, in general, it’s a non-issue.  And as far as vaginas go… it’s not like it doesn’t work just fine.  A little pain sometimes, but it’s minor.  And my husband sure doesn’t complain.  Quite the opposite, in fact.

So someone explain to me: Why on earth am I still struggling with negative thoughts regarding all these things?  How is it I can logically know one thing but feel another way entirely?  Am I completely nuts for still freaking out internally in the middle of sex that maybe things don’t feel right even though there’s no mistaking the fact that my husband is enjoying the hell out of it?  WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME?

I just don’t understand it.  I don’t know if I’ll ever feel something other than subhuman.  Why is it so many women feel empowered, incredible after giving birth… and yet I feel so damaged and broken?  I mean, is this really how most women feel but they just don’t admit it?

God, I hate this.

Current Mood: Sad

Am I the last woman on earth with pubic hair?

Maybe I’m just stuck in the 70s, but I really don’t understand the appeal of bald pussy.  It’d freak me out if I saw a man with a hairless genital region, so do they really prefer their women to look like prepubescent girls down there?  Is it really sexier?  Besides, pubes provide more cushion for the pushin’, if you know what I mean.  I think I’d be rubbed raw without them there to help protect my skin from the friction of late-night-wild-crazy-monkey sex.

And on a side note, how the hell does a shaved cooch avoid serious razor burn and a multitude of ingrown hairs?  Owie!

Answers?  Anyone?

Men, feel free to jump in on this one… I know you read this… just most of you are too shy to comment.  Unless it’s about circumcision.  Then you all jump in and bite.

Current Mood: Alarmed