A Little Unorthodox
For one of those natural, hippie sort of moms like me, anyway.
I’ve definitely always parented off of what feels natural rather than going with a particular parenting style, but the majority of my choices have definitely been a bit more on the alternative side. Like homebirth. And breastfeeding. And cloth-diapering, organic cooking, baby food making… need I go on? Heck, I even avoided a sonogram during my last pregnancy because my philosophy was that it wasn’t a necessary procedure unless something seemed off or weird.
So the looks on the other “natural moms’” faces when I tell them I’ve never co-slept is usually one mixed with a bit of shock and horror. Sure, I’ve tried, but it always ended with the kids back in their crib.
World, I have never slept in the same room as one of my babies after the first night of their birth unless it was in a hotel.
I’ve received a surprising amount of criticism as a result of this fact from other women who follow a similar path but co-slept with their kids. Why this is, I’m unsure, but I think it’s like one of those circumcision topics… if you’re hard-core into believing one way or the other, the other side of the story is inconceivable.
A lot of moms who choose homebirth really are that hardcore. Not all. But a lot.
I’m not one of them. I do what I feel is the best balance between what’s right for my kids and right for me. Sleeping in the same bed as my baby or (heaven forbid) a toddler is completely out of my realm of comfort. I’m a horrible sleeper, and when my babies are near me, I can’t fall asleep at all. Plus, I sleep next to a salivating, rabid bear who doesn’t wake up even when I leave toe-shaped bruises on his shins in the middle of the night. Co-sleeping just wouldn’t work in my family.
But you know what I’ve realized? It seems to be more beneficial in the sleep department for everyone. Apparently, co-sleeping is supposed to equal more sleep for everyone. I’ve seen this bumper sticker that reads, “Co-sleep if you WANT to sleep,” and it pisses me off because that’s just bullshit in my quirky little family. Both my girls were sleeping through the night before most of my co-sleeping friends’ babies were, anyway.
So yes… um… the point behind this particular blog? None whatsoever. But this morning when my girls woke up all cute just after 8:00 in the neighboring bedroom, I was wishing to God Almighty that I could just pull them into bed with me and we could all sleep peacefully together on my big comfy mattress until noon.
Yeah, that didn’t happen.
Current Mood:
Cool
Tags: Parenting
October 14th, 2009 at 10:15 am
I think it is terrific that your girls are doing wonderful in their own beds. If it isn’t broke don’t try to fix it.. right? I have done it differently with each of my babies. Britt was a hands off kid. She was a preemie as it was so she just didn’t get held as much with all the wires and such. It stayed that way when she came home. Vino was the opposite. He would not sleep unless he was being held. I slept most of his infancy with him laying on my chest. Chels is a bit of both. Sometimes she wants to lay with us and other times she crawls up in her bed way before anyone else is ready for sleep. As long as sleep is happening.. why would it matter if it was in a family bed or individual beds?
October 14th, 2009 at 10:53 am
Hi, Tamra -
Okay, so I don’t have kids so I can’t really comment about the co-sleep thing other than to say . . . I am also an insomniac and I sleep much better when I don’t have to worry about who else I’m keeping awake or if I’m exceeding my allotted bed space, etc. . . . of course, I’ve never tried sharing a bed with a kid, that might be different than sharing a bed with an adult, LOL.
Anyway, I just found your blog and I really like your no-holes-barred approach to writing — very refreshing!
- Marie (Coming Out of the Trees)
October 14th, 2009 at 11:22 am
Thank you!
And I’m glad to know it doesn’t seem weird that I have no desire to sleep with my kids.
October 14th, 2009 at 11:33 am
You know I love my children – but I never desired to share a bed with them. It’s not so bad now on an occasional basis when they visit as adults. But as babies – I could never have slept at all – I always worried that I’d roll over on them or whatever – not my cup of tea. And I always wondered, if you co-sleep, when do you get to have sex?
October 14th, 2009 at 12:07 pm
Lol, I’m with Rosanne on that- when WOULD you have sex? I don’t have kids but I plan on doing everything the natural way as well, except the co-sleeping thing. I really suck at sleeping and that would just be another factor that keeps me awake.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:16 pm
I love the topics that you write about Tamra. The whole sleep situation in my home is something I don’t admit to anyone anymore bcs of the criticism. We have a 2 and 3 yr old. Long story short, we still sleep with them and are having trouble breaking this habit. We don’t even know HOW to break it! It was a smart decision on your part to never start it.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:41 pm
I honestly am one of those people who doesn’t really “get” the co-sleeping thing. yep, I said it. People look at me in horror when I say my daughter started sleeping in her room in her crib at 10 days old. She never liked the bassinet and slept well in the nursery so why not!?
To each their own, but no you are not weird.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:42 pm
yeah, i would have been willing to try co-sleeping, but it just wasn’t an option for us. i toss and turn all night (even if i’m hopped up on sleep meds) and get up, and lay back down, and get up again… i’d squish my baby flat as a pancake within the first 2 nights. plus i can’t sleep unless the covers are over my head, and with a baby that’s just dangerous. i’ve taken E to the bed as a last resort, in an effort to get 2 more hours of sleep in the morning, but only a handful of times…and i never got that extra sleep i was trying for. turns out, she didn’t want to co-sleep either.
October 14th, 2009 at 12:52 pm
We co-slept and still do sometimes. Archer is a very needy kid when it comes to affection. He tends to want to be in my arms a lot. He slept on my chest, and will still get in my lap and just lay his head down when he needs a nap. Co-sleeping was nothing we planned, and I thought it was insane when I heard other people talking about it, but we just made it work. I was taking care of him all by myself because Chance has a hands on, hard ass physical labor job, and it was easier for him to sleep an arm’s reach away from me than have to get up with him all by myself every night. If I could go back in time or change it I would.
October 14th, 2009 at 1:19 pm
We started out with a bassinett in our room, but DS never liked it. For the first three months, he ended up in bed with us a lot since DH and I would pass out while feeding him. Sometime the only time any of us would get any sleep is if he was in our arms.
I didn’t want it to become a habbit. When his feedings started to space out around 3 months we put him in his crib and that’s where he has slept ever since! He sleeps very well in there and only wakes to get a feeding. I think since we started so early we avoide any seperation anxiety. Lately he’s been sleeping 8 to 9 hours – YAY!
Sometimes after an early morning feeding I’ll bring him to bed with us to snooze an hour or two until the alarm goes off. And sometimes I enjoy sharing a nap with him laying on my chest on the couch while watching TV.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
Kyle and I have discussed it and will never co-sleep. I want our kids to be independent. We plan on helping them learn to do things for themselves when they are ready. They’re not going to have trouble sleeping in their own beds if they never sleep in ours. There may be nights if they have nightmares or wake up scared, but for the most part, they will sleep in their own beds. Neither one of us are interested in having a 3 year old crawl into bed with us in the middle of the night. We don’t get enough sleep as it is. Kath and Roseanne, I agree with both of you on the sex thing. Early bedtimes and sleeping in their own beds are my solution to that.
October 14th, 2009 at 3:47 pm
I actually wished many nights that Harrison would co-sleep, but this was only because I had a c-section and getting out of bed, pulling him out of the bassinet, getting back in bed/chair to nurse and then getting everyone back down HURT…I would have much prefered to roll over and feed.
We didn’t do it though because he WON’T sleep with us…no matter how tired he is…he’s just like his momma, he wants his space in bed and to be left alone. He was STTN by 6 weeks, so we didn’t have that paniced “we’ll try anything” feeling that I think leads to many who never planned to co-sleep to try it.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
To each their own is what I say! We co-sleep and love it. But I know many people who can’t and honestly I understand. Brinley is a restless sleeper she tosses and turns a lot and of course I wake up every time she moves. It’s annoying but aside from that I really do enjoy it and so does Bryan.
October 14th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Oh oops I forgot to tell you, you have an award waiting on my blog!
October 14th, 2009 at 5:37 pm
I’m with you Tamra! The few times we have co-slept b/c of nightmare, illness, etc I slept horribly! Just this last week I thought I would be nice and let my daughter sleep with me. After two hours I was yelling at my husband (who will NOT sleep in a bed with more than one) to come get her and put her in bed. While she stayed asleep, I woke up at least every 1/2 hour. Worst sleep ever! I hate it. I love snuggle time, but they never go back to sleep…at least mine don’t!
October 30th, 2009 at 10:32 am
I loved my boys, but never, never, never wanted to make it a routine that they slept with me/us. They had a bed and needed to learn to feel secure sleeping there. and yes…I slept much better than when they slept with us, even for a few hours. good for you!