On Body Image and Gender
A friend of mine told me (I hope he was joking) that he thinks all my body image issues stem from the possibility that I’m probably just a man stuck in a woman’s body. That comment churned over in my gruesome brain for a couple of hours before… poof! A revelation hit me- one that explains it all.
I’m transgender!
Okay, no not really. Sorry, anticlimactic to kill that totally hilarious thought before I get going on and on about how I wish oh how I wish I had a penis attached to my groin to play with and that’s why I’m dissatisfied with my woman parts. Not that I think that there is anything funny about people who actually are transgender, so please don’t think I’m a close-minded shithead who laughs about people who actually do bear that sort of weight. I have known people struggling with that sort of issue, and it was no laughing matter. I felt nothing but compassion for their pain.
BUT ANYWAY. To the point.
So while I gave the whole… hmmm… would I really want to be a man?… about a whopping four seconds of thought before coming to the conclusion: Hell no! I wouldn’t want some one-eyed alien flopping back and forth from leg to leg while I run! How the hell would I ever accomplish ANYTHING if I had to beat that think on a daily basis to keep my balls from exploding in pain?… an actual thought came to my head that really was quite the revelation.
It’s just so, so painfully true, isn’t it?
And I’m not saying that men are egotistical pricks, okay? So if any extremists run across my blog today and try to rip me a new one, I WILL FIND WHERE YOU LIVE AND PULL YOUR LEG HAIRS OUT ONE BY ONE WITH A PAIR OF TWEEZERS.
Yes, the comic is blown to sort-of-extreme proportions, but in reality, it’s very close to the truth. How many women look in the mirror and focus on the positives? I know I sure as hell don’t. Heck, I hate the mirror. Here I am a very seasoned dancer, and I avoid looking in the mirror at all costs because I don’t want to see a dorky person staring back at me while I make of fool of myself on the dance floor.
And at home… ugh, there are so many mornings that I avoid the mirror and feel relieved when it’s too steamed over from my shower to actually get a good look at myself. Otherwise, I spend those moments scrutinizing every last zit (Seriously? I’m 28 years old. When the hell will my skin stop breaking out? This is ridiculous!), my messy hair, the weird bumps and lumps all over my body made visible from the light casting shadows in a rather unflattering manner. You get the picture.
And how often do I hear a woman next to me in a public restroom sigh, defeated while she fixes an invisible wrinkle at her waistline, or toys with her hair?
We all do it, and it really sucks.
However… men? Take a look at that comic again. Sure, they notice the imperfections as well, but they seem to focus less on those and more on the whole, oh thank goodness, my wiener is still firmly attached… damn, it looks good today! Hey there big guy… let’s make a point to get some action today, okay? Even if it is just with Mr. Righty.
Okay, so it’s not all about the dick, I get it. But what I’m saying is that in general, men just seem to go with what they’ve got and see it in the most positive light possible. They overlook the fact that there’s a big, red zit on their ass, or that they could stand to lose 20 pounds so much better than women can. And I mean, really, as a woman, those things have never mattered to me on the opposite sex. I was actually relieved that James had a pretty bad case of acne when we first met- that way I knew he wouldn’t be grossed out by my own skin problems. I’ve dated guys who were far from perfect, and that has never bothered me. It was just part of them, and I didn’t find it unattractive.
So this got me thinking: how do men see us? Us self-torturing, gawd-I-hate-the-cellulite-on-my-thighs women? Would any man really truly mind the stretch marks on our bodies, or if our breasts are a little saggy? Do they really care if we’re dealing with an adolescent breakout on our forehead, or the fact that we’re carrying an extra hunk of weight on our ass? Do men scrutinize our vagina while making love to us, wishing we were more tight, loose, manly, whatever?
I’m sure there’s an exception to every case, but my guess is no. They probably don’t. Correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m thinking they look at us with all our awful, ugly imperfections and somehow still us sexy and appealing. The majority probably don’t care if our nose is a little big or we’re complete klutzes who manage to take a bad spill down the stairs. If they’re lucky enough to get us naked, they’re probably so thrilled that they can’t see beyond the whole wow, I’ve got a warm, naked woman in front of me! Hawt DAMN she feels amazing!
I wish I could see myself in the same light as the guy in the comic, but I always manage to notice how big my ass is. I really need to work on it, I just don’t know how.
Do you think society has done this to us, or do you think it’s just part of our nature?
Be nice in your comments, please. I don’t need to hear about what a stupid, ugly moron I am from some extremist who thinks I’m being a sexist idiot in my view of men and women, or how retarded I am to not have seen this earlier. I do enough of that to myself.
Current Mood:
Confused
October 15th, 2009 at 1:10 pm
LOL, T, you freakin’ crack me up!!!
But he’s worked through a lot of those image issues, and if he can do it, damnit, we can too!!! Stop letting your mind run away with you, WOMAN, you are BEAUTIFUL! 
<3
I think it’s interesting to note that my husband, who is in excellent shape (and has biceps that make me drool), struggles with image issues similar to those that women often face. He DOES focus on the negatives when he looks in the mirror, and for a while he had a really distorted image of himself as “fat” that seemed almost anorexic to me! So, at least we know that not all men (as you said) are dick-centric
October 15th, 2009 at 1:51 pm
Oh how I love you so Tamra! LOL!
You are gorgeous though, so stop letting our female insecurities get into your head!
October 15th, 2009 at 2:04 pm
Oh, Tamra! You are beautiful! NO question about that.
Do I think society has done this to women? Yes, I actually do. But how did society do this? When did it start? That’s an interesting one to figure out.
For me, I tend to naturally notice the deeper inner qualities of a woman rather than any “blemmishes” she may have or think she may have. I also look for someone who clicks with me. When that happens, my mind is in a completely different world.
Now in regards to me and looking in the mirror, I used to be that way a little bit, but then I just started accepting who I was more and more, what I have to offer someone, and that looks are not everything. Self confidence is pretty much king (or queen). You may not realize you have it, but you have it.
October 15th, 2009 at 2:33 pm
Men have always told me that when they are celibate it’s because they have to be, women are only celibate when they want to be.
October 15th, 2009 at 6:44 pm
You all rock… thank you.
Although I do have to say that while I’m not surprised that men certainly face a similar set of insecurities, I find that in general (though not by rule), they seem to be able to take a more positive perspective on it or get past it a bit more gracefully than women. Interesting… a result of society again, perhaps?