Wedding Night Sex
Maybe the fairy tale wedding night exists somewhere, somehow, but it sure didn’t for us.
Five years ago today was one of the best days and evenings of my life… but holy hell, the whole anticipated “wedding night” was a bit of a disaster.
Although James and I had plenty of sex before marriage, my Catholic guilt got the better of me shortly after he proposed and we’d met with a priest to start preparing for our vows. I asked if he was willing to stop and wait until marriage before we did the deed again, and like a true gentlemen, he agreed to do it for me. We actually practiced abstinence for about a year after that.
Years later, I look back and roll my eyes. Being married didn’t make sex any more special or different one bit. Except that I was a bit embarrassed after tying the knot because I knew that EVERYONE in church, including the priests, would know that James and Tamra were doing the naughty behind closed doors. At least before we were married no one could prove it. The wedding band on my finger made it a done deal.
And that’s what it was to me- this thing that had always been tabboo that was suddenly considered socially and religiously acceptable. Except that it didn’t feel that way. It still felt like this dirty thing that I wasn’t supposed to be doing.
And on our wedding night, it was no exception. After a crazy long day of celebration and dancing and every kind of emotion possible, I started crying as James helped me out of my dress in the privacy of our honeymoon suite. It was the first time I’d teared up the entire day, and the thought of sex on top of the most exhausting day I’d every been through left me feeling a little panicked.
The events that followed were nothing worth bragging about, and to both of our relief, I finally asked, “Do you think our marriage is consummated yet?”. After several minutes of us performing our marital duty without any true interest, we both laughed and agreed it would be best to resume that kind of action when we really wanted it.
I can’t imagine how terrified I’d have been if we’d never been intimate with one another before our wedding night, and to be honest, I’m really glad I didn’t have to find out. I don’t think either of us could have had that sort of good humor if that’d been our first time… and I think it would have left us fairly traumatized.
So honestly… I’m going to have to be a bad Catholic and admit that I fully support sex before marriage. I just wish that I hadn’t had the guilt to go along with it all.
Thank goodness that guilt is finally in the past. A whopping two kids and five years later.
Tags: Sex
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:05 pm
i was on my period on my wedding day. but since i spent the actual wedding ceremony passing out and puking… it was like a ripple in a tidal wave of shit that day. it was also pretty obvious we didn’t abstain from pre-marital sex because our 6 month old son was all dressed up in his tux, and sitting in the front row with Grandma during the ceremony.
weddings [and wedding night sex] is WAY overrated.
ps- HAPPY ANNIVERSARY!!!
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:21 pm
While I do not condone sleeping with a ton of people “Sex in the City” style, I think that sex before marriage with a person you truly love is completely ok.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:22 pm
Oh, and Happy Anniversary. I would tell you on facebook, but I’m really pissed about the feed thing.
October 23rd, 2009 at 4:28 pm
Like a previous commentor I think sex before marriage is ok with the person you full intend to try for the long haul with. I regret very much I hadn’t waited for my fiance, but he wasn’t a virgin before he met me either, so we’re in the same boat. I definitely think I was too young my first time (at 15). I can only hope my kids don’t make my mistakes as well.
October 23rd, 2009 at 6:02 pm
Both my husband and I were virgins when we got married, and we’re both happy about our decision. And, for the record, our wedding night was 100% guilt-free (our decision on abstinence was also religious-based. I also thought Mormons were bad at the whole making-you-feel-guilty thing, but from what you talk about, we’ve got nothing on the Catholics
), and enjoyable (but still awkward).
October 23rd, 2009 at 10:38 pm
Well, I hadn’t really considered everyone thinking “Well, she’s definitely not a virgin NOW,” after my wedding next May… thanks a lot for pointing that out. Lol. By the way, I am all for premarital sex, for those who didn’t/won’t do it- more power to you, it’s very commendable. But I personally would be terrified: what if there just wasn’t that connection and you didn’t know it till it was too late? :-O
October 24th, 2009 at 11:03 am
Yeah, that’s kind of how I felt… terrified at the thought of losing my virginity on my wedding night. But I have a lot of sexual issues stemming from some not-so-positive things that happened while I was growing up. For me, losing my virginity was a hurdle… not a wonderful, exciting thing. It was like a duty that just had to be done. I didn’t have a positive outlook on sex in the least, so I think my fear of it would have put a huge damper on my wedding day. I was scared out of my mind the first time I did it, and it took me a really long time to enjoy it. As a result, I feel that waiting until marriage would have been a negative experience for me. By the time James and I were married, we’d already gotten through the extremely awkward, “Tamra, what the hell is wrong with you, girl? You are majorly effed up in the head!” stage.
But I have tons of respect for the choices others make… that just happened to be the best for me.
October 27th, 2009 at 11:00 am
Happy Anniversary!!! Nice little reminiscing, dear
You know, we didn’t do the deed on our wedding night either (would have been no surprises though, as I am also an advocate of pre-marital sex. You test drive a car before you buy it, don’t you?! lol), and I always wondered if that didn’t bode well for us…glad to know we weren’t the only ones who were too damn tired, even if we felt obligated!!!
Glad you’re past any needless guilt…Dogma = no fun!