A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Okay… this is what I came up with.  Let me know if you hate it. My About page was long overdue for an update.

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If sanity is a state of mind, then I’m a brilliant work of art crafted by a God with one heck of a sense of humor.

Tell that one to my psychiatrist and my therapist.  And my midwives, physical therapist, my husband, kids, and every last friend who had to deal with me during the severe postpartum depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, and paranoia that nearly killed me after Oops #2 made her grand entrance into this world.  They’d probably give you a huge, toothy smile and wipe the sweat off their brow.  It was a really long year for all of us.

I used to be adamantly anti-drug.  No, for real.  I even went so far as to birth both my girls in the water without any sort of pain meds.  My second was a homebirth, a feat of which I am very proud despite the fact that I desperately want a hoo-haw recall.

If you’re a virgin or a hardcore religious fanatic, avert your eyes.  Oops, that warning was a bit late.  My bad.

Anyway, thanks to wonderfully smart people in white lab coats, not only am I no longer anti-drug, but I consume a lovely SSRI pill on a daily basis known as Prozac- yes, Prozac… can’t you believe I’m that fucking nuts?- that helps my neurons fire correctly so I can stop obsessing about how angry I am that “they” don’t tell you that childbirth is both the best and the worst thing that can happen to you.  Luckily, smart asses like myself exist to warn you exactly how horrible your vagina looks after a kid pops out of it...  Eh hem, but most days, I can function like a semi-normal human being.

Then there are the other days.  But that’s a different story.  See above.

My husband thanks the makers of happy pills as well.  He likes having a sexy wife, though scarred from having two very big babies, who bakes like a fiend and fills his belly with obscene amounts of cookies.  And he prefers when I shower and shave.  Thank you, doctors.  This moment was brought to you by anti-depressants: making everyone happy.

In another life I grew up in Tucson, AZ, survived 8 years of Catholic school, earned a second-degree black belt in Matsunoryu Jujitzu, married my college sweetheart, earned three degrees from the University of Arizona, raised two ginormous, stupid dogs, had two kids, and worked as a fourth grade teacher and a dance instructor.  But then life happened.

Now I live in the gorgeous city of Seattle, WA in my dream home that was built in 1900 near Lake Washington.  I miss my dumb, lovable pooches and want to adopt a homeless dog one of these days when all the boxes are unpacked.  I still teach dance, and I’ve finally learned how to enjoy West Coast Swing competition thanks to all the therapy I’ve been through. It’s been a roller coaster, but I’m alive and kickin’ and full of more piss and vinegar than ever.

When I’m not busy blogging about all the stupid, insignificant details of my boring, ridiculous life, I am a writer, dancer, teacher, website designer, and friend.  Most importantly, though, I’m a mom to two adorable munchkins and wife to a hot-ass computer geek.

I am Tamra.  Welcome to my blog.  Enjoy it and feel free to comment.  But know in advance that if you’re a jackass, I will hunt you down, tie you to a bed, and remove your pubic hairs one by one with a pair of tweezers.  I’m not kidding.

This is my personal website.  Nothing is sacred.  You’ve been warned.

I don’t know if I really am.  Sane, that is.  But that shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone who actually knows me in “real life”.

I am a writer, a dancer, a teacher, and a website designer.  Most importantly, though, I am a wife to a hot-ass hubby and mom to two adorable little boogery girls.  I have two gigantic stupid dogs, a house with crazy paint on the walls, and a king-sized bed that isn’t quite big enough for me and that cute husband of mine.  He’s a bed hog and completely narcoleptic.  And he flops around like a fish high on crack while he sleeps.  I, on the other hand, am an insomniac.

You will probably quickly discover that I certainly tend to skip along the less beaten path.  Barefoot, preferably.  I grew up in Tucson, Arizona, and my feet are tough from years of dance and walking through the desert as a child.  I hate wearing shorts, so I wear jeans in the 110 degree summer heat. Secretly, I’d much rather live up north near the ocean.  Blue skies piss me off when they happen frequently, which is pretty much every day here.

After surviving 8 years of Catholic School, I went to a public high school where I spent 4 prudish years proving that virginity was for nerdy losers like me.  I earned a second-degree blackbelt in Matsunoryu Jujitsu by the time I was 19, and I met the hubby through martial arts.  Everyone thinks it was through dancing.  Let me set the story straight: it wasn’t. We just both happened to be dancers, and once we figured that out, the rest was history.

So after 4 years of dating, we tied the knot in a traditional Catholic wedding and quickly learned that wedding-night sex is absolutely nothing to brag about.  Nine months later, I was pregnant with our little product of “Natural Family Planning”.  I decided to do it the ultra-granola way and did a water birth with Oops#1 at a birthing center.  Because, you know, hospitals and doctors are evil.

Somewhere in the midst of all that, I worked as a full-time ballroom dance instructor and survived being a full-time student at the University of Arizona.  Eventually, I moved up in the world and had my first “real” job as a 4th grade teacher.  Suddenly- whoops!  The cute husband knocked me up a second time.  That time we decided to do a homebirth since we had a feeling that Oops#2 was going to be a quick birth.  She was.  And it was another water birth.

Unlike most “sane” people, I was diagnosed with severe postpartum depression and anxiety about 4 months after giving birth.  Oh, and a touch of OCD.  If the OCD was about cleaning house, it would be a good thing… but it’s not.

Currently, I spend my days as a Stay-at-Home-Mom, or SAHM, drugged up on anti-depressants that make it possible for me to get out of bed in the morning.  I used to be anti-drug until it was impossible for me to function without them.  Now I thank the stars above that some genius in a white labcoat invented Prozac.  Without it, I would have 3-inch-long leg hair and a permanent body-shaped stain on my sheets.  Oh, and my husband thanks the makers of the SSRI drugs as well.  This moment brought to you by anti-depressants: making everyone happy.

In addition to taking care of my adorable spawn, I design websites, write website content, and blog a lot to maintain my sanity when my kids decide that naptime is really supposed to be “screamin’ down the house!” time.  In the evenings, I teach dance to a few really great and dedicated students who don’t seem to mind my brightly-colored walls and children’s toys littering the floor.

I am Tamra.  Welcome to my blog.  Enjoy it.  Comment on it.  But if you’re going to be a jackass, then don’t bother letting me know it.  This is my personal website.  Nothing is sacred.  You’ve been warned.

Current Mood: Cool

This entry was posted on Wednesday, October 28th, 2009 at 1:57 pm and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.