“is it legal to circumcise a dog”
Um, my guess would be no. Why?
Yes. That’s today’s winner for the search term that pulled up my blog. And it’s only the afternoon.
God help us all.
Current Mood:
Mischievous
Your guy friends fart in front of you, totally comfortable with the fact that they just let one rip in front of a girl.
And your reaction is to laugh because you really don’t care that they just did, and you probably would try to one-up them if you’d just been eating Mexican food and could summon some I-just-ate-refried-beans-full-of-lard gas that would seriously impress them.
Maybe I am a man stuck in a woman’s body.
I’m totally sick. And I can’t believe I just admitted that. But that’s why you love me, right?
*laughing*
Current Mood:
Happy
See this?
That’s how we grocery shop now. Courtesy of Amazon Fresh, all our food for the week was delivered onto our porch sometime between the obscene hours of 4:00-6:00 a.m. this morning while we slept peacefully. Everything came perfectly wrapped, on ice, not a egg broken or banana bruised using eco-friendly packing.
And the best part? Not only do they have my Brown Cow Yogurt and other organic foods, and I don’t have to drag my monster babies to the crowded grocery store anymore… but there’s free shipping and handling for orders over $30. And because my husband should be the in the Guinness Book Of World Records for having ten stomachs while still managing to have a six pack and only .05 oz of fat on his teeny little ass (don’t you just wanna punch him and steal his metabolism?), our bill always exceeds that amount.
Now, while I love perusing through the aisles at Target, I absolutely despise grocery shopping. Half the time I whine my way into getting James to go by himself while I watch the kids. Anything to avoid the crowds of stupid people hurrying to the chip and soda aisles.
So imagine my delight when James sent me an instant message with the words, “Honey, meet our new grocery store,” attached with that link above. It’s currently only available in certain Seattle zip codes, and because God loves me, my fabulous new house happens to be in their delivery zone.
Have I told you how much I LOVE THIS CITY?!
If I could make out with Seattle and roll around with it in the sack, I’d show it some seriously hot lovin’ and have its babies. And considering how much I hate being pregnant and dealing with newborns, that’s REALLY saying something.
Current Mood:
Cool
Maybe the fairy tale wedding night exists somewhere, somehow, but it sure didn’t for us.
Five years ago today was one of the best days and evenings of my life… but holy hell, the whole anticipated “wedding night” was a bit of a disaster.
Although James and I had plenty of sex before marriage, my Catholic guilt got the better of me shortly after he proposed and we’d met with a priest to start preparing for our vows. I asked if he was willing to stop and wait until marriage before we did the deed again, and like a true gentlemen, he agreed to do it for me. We actually practiced abstinence for about a year after that.
Years later, I look back and roll my eyes. Being married didn’t make sex any more special or different one bit. Except that I was a bit embarrassed after tying the knot because I knew that EVERYONE in church, including the priests, would know that James and Tamra were doing the naughty behind closed doors. At least before we were married no one could prove it. The wedding band on my finger made it a done deal.
And that’s what it was to me- this thing that had always been tabboo that was suddenly considered socially and religiously acceptable. Except that it didn’t feel that way. It still felt like this dirty thing that I wasn’t supposed to be doing.
And on our wedding night, it was no exception. After a crazy long day of celebration and dancing and every kind of emotion possible, I started crying as James helped me out of my dress in the privacy of our honeymoon suite. It was the first time I’d teared up the entire day, and the thought of sex on top of the most exhausting day I’d every been through left me feeling a little panicked.
The events that followed were nothing worth bragging about, and to both of our relief, I finally asked, “Do you think our marriage is consummated yet?”. After several minutes of us performing our marital duty without any true interest, we both laughed and agreed it would be best to resume that kind of action when we really wanted it.
I can’t imagine how terrified I’d have been if we’d never been intimate with one another before our wedding night, and to be honest, I’m really glad I didn’t have to find out. I don’t think either of us could have had that sort of good humor if that’d been our first time… and I think it would have left us fairly traumatized.
So honestly… I’m going to have to be a bad Catholic and admit that I fully support sex before marriage. I just wish that I hadn’t had the guilt to go along with it all.
Thank goodness that guilt is finally in the past. A whopping two kids and five years later.
My five-year wedding anniversary.
I’m celebrating by watching the kids while trying to fight off this crappy sickness-thing I have. And my husband is working, as always.
And we have no plans because we couldn’t find a babysitter.
Lovely, huh?
Current Mood:
Angry