A Poll: Cheating
Living in a very liberal city has been a bit of an eye-opener for me. Some situations I never thought I could possibly understand in any way, shape, or form are more common than I thought. The world is turning out to be even more gray than black and white than I originally thought.
Okay… so “cheating” has a multitude of different definitions depending on your moral, religious, and personal beliefs. For this poll’s purposes, we’re going to say that “cheating” means you have been with another person sexually in some way behind closed doors. That could mean anything from intercourse (ugh, that word makes me cringe… it sounds so… I don’t know… impersonal for such a beautiful act) to just passionate kissing.
And as always, I promise the results are completely anonymous, even to me, so you can be honest. You can choose up to two answers, and don’t worry, your secrets are safe with me. It’s not my place to judge.
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Tags: Sex
November 16th, 2009 at 2:32 pm
oye, what a tough subject! i definitely think the rules are made up between each couple, as they go. i met my husband while i was with my ex… but my ex had been gone for months on an internship across the country. he was also mentally abusive towards me, and had previously tainted my own opinion of him by sleeping with someone else for months. he “picked” me a month before he left, and we decided to “work it out”. when i met my husband, i wasn’t able to get ahold of the ex, so i broke up with him in my head… then continued to do whatever i felt like doing with J.
next time the ex decided to grace me with his presence, i dumped him flat on his ass. 
technically, i “cheated” on him, but i really don’t see it that way. i left him the moment i set eyes on my future husband, and haven’t turned back since.
i trust J implicitly. we both know what it feels like to be cheated on, and couldn’t to that to the other. i’d leave him first, and i feel confident he’d do the same for me. that being said, if he ever DID cheat on me, i’d drop him in a heart beat and wring all the alimony and child support out of him that the government would allow. then i’d wish him well in his long lonely life… ’cause i KNOW he’ll never find anyone else to put up with his mother.
for me and J, it’s an unforgivable offense.
BUT that’s just me. i respect anybody else’s views on the matter, as long as it doesn’t directly conflict with my relationship.
November 16th, 2009 at 5:07 pm
My ex husband was cheating on me from day one and I didn’t know about it until about a month after we were married. He was emotionally abusive and he just flat out ignored me. So I went looking for friends and I met Chris. He was my best friend for a long time… just making my life bearable to get through and then we fell in love. when we fell in love I left my ex but to me I think we were emotionally cheating for a while before I left mainly because Chris new every intimate detail of my life and what I was thinking instead of my ex. And seeing as it took us another two years to actually get through the divorced we were technically cheating most of our (Chris and I) relationship. But I don’t look at it as though we were cheating. When I was with Rich(although he seriously didn’t deserve me)I was friends with Chris and when I fell in love with Chris and was with Chris I was not with Rich. So I guess I fall into the grey category.
However… I do not believe cheating is acceptable. I am not a big fan of divorce even really. I believe you have two reasons for divorce… you are cheated on or you are abused (whether it be physical or mental abuse doesn’t matter). And I experienced both…. so I strayed. Chris and I however are completely committed and it is very clear between us that cheating means we are over! So I guess it all depends on the relationship.
November 17th, 2009 at 12:26 pm
I have been cheated on, its terrible. You never forget it and you never fully trust anyone (not just your partner) again. I would never do it to anyone and/or recommend that anyone do it.
I have two ‘friends’ who are currently ‘together’, however one of them is ‘unhappily’ married and I have very openly frowned on it to them. Yes her husband is an alcoholic who is mean to her and has said that he doesn’t ‘like’ his kid or being a dad. But they are married- you shouldn’t be with someone else. end of discussion.
I also tell people who have never been cheated on, never say you would end it, not forgive it, etc. EVERY situation is different. Every relationship is different. Its not a forgettable offense, but I could find the place to forgive the offense. I was that person, who said never would I ever put up with that, etc. Now here I am happily (although sometimes annoyed.. hahaha) to a man that I love. Sure our relationship became more difficult, but we work through it. Sure there are days when I think about it more than often and it makes me crabby. I will never forget it, but neither will he. He wont forget what it was like to hurt me and see me leave him (we did separate).
Now if he ever did it again, I would suck him dry on alimony and child support and send him home to live with his mother… he knows that too. He is better off telling me and ending it with me first. Although I may still suck him dry… lol!!
November 17th, 2009 at 4:07 pm
Ugh, Dana. A previous boyfriend cheated on me once as well… gosh, it felt so terrible that I had no clue how to deal with it. I dumped him and never looked back… and I am so glad I did. I started dating James right after it happened!
November 18th, 2009 at 4:41 pm
I have technically cheated several times in the past 8 years with my current boyfriend/fiancee/its really complicated.
I have not had “intercourse” with anyone else…so in that sense I have not cheated…but some pretty freakin’ hot make out sessions a handful of times in the past 8 years have been enjoyed.
Now before someone gets all wound up…he has cheated on me, lied, treats me like dirt most days while he plays World of Warcraft while I clean the house, deal with a 2 and a 3 year old and works 3 part time jobs. Almost every time I look at his cell phone he has calls and texts from other girls…so I call it payback is a bitch. No I have never told him about these trysts and I don’t plan on doing it because I don’t consider any of them to be “cheating.”
December 2nd, 2009 at 4:10 am
It’s a sad fact of life when we find ourselves unable to trust those that are closest to us, and sometimes measures have to be taken to protect our own hearts. Anyone that’s been in a long relationship has had a moment take place where they thought their significant other might be cheating on them.