Wherein I Beat My Head Against A Pole
I’m With Stupid: (in a superior tone) So… what do you DO all day long while you stay home with the kids?
Me: Take care of the kids.
I’m With Stupid: (annoyed) Yes, of course. But what do you DO?
Me: Well… take care of the kids. Try to keep up with the mess. Laundry. It’s more than a full-time job.
I’m With Stupid: Well, so does that mean you’re not going to look for work at all? You’re just going to stay home with the kids?
Me: Um, James and I agreed that staying at home is the best thing for the girls right now, so that’s what I’ve chosen to do. Once they are in school, I’ll go back to work. For now, it makes more sense for me to be home. And it’s not like I’m not bringing in any money. I’m still teaching dance and I get paid for my DJ gigs and I do website design from home.
I’m With Stupid: Oh, well, I’m not saying you’re not bringing in any money…
*yes you are, bitch*
I’m With Stupid: I’m just saying… shouldn’t you get a job so you’re not bored?
Me: That would assume I have time to be bored.
……….
I’m With Stupid: So… what websites are you working on right now? (snidely) One for another… dancer? (Make that last word sound dirtier than the word “fuck” to get appropriate tone.)
Me: No, actually I’m in the final stages of finishing one up for [insert business here].
I’m With Stupid: (suddenly interested) Oh really? Well. That’s neat, I guess. What does it look like? (approaches me and Ralph)
Me: Right now it looks halfway finished because James isn’t done with the back end yet. We’re not ready to go live.
I’m With Stupid: Oh, I see. So you don’t really do the work. You just do the design. James does all the work.
Me: I do all the design and front end, which is more than half the work on this particular site.
I’m With Stupid: (sour smile and nodding) Uh huh.
……….
Yesterday I managed to leave the keys in the ignition, lock the door, and close it. Didn’t realize I’d locked myself out of my car until I’m With Stupid, the kids, and I were finally leaving the store. We spent an hour waiting for James to catch the bus and light rail to get home, jump in his car, and be our knight in shining armor. I’m With Stupid managed to slip a nice remark towards me:
Scenario: Shifting my screaming baby from one hip to the other while trying to dig my phone out of my pocket.
I’m With Stupid: Oh. What did you lose this time?
……….
Setting: In the kitchen, after James and I scrubbed the dishes and I’d cleared the counter of my cookie-baking supplies.
I’m With Stupid: (walking into kitchen) Oh, this looks nice.
James: Oh, thanks! Yeah, we hadn’t gotten the chance to get it cleared off last night like we usually do. It’s hard keeping up with the kids.
I’m With Stupid: Well. (examines the countertop) This looks pretty.
Me: Thank you. It’s granite.
I’m With Stupid: (impressed for half a second) Granite, huh. Wow. Very expensive.
James: Yeah, but we can’t take any credit for it. The previous owners installed it. We’re just reaping the benefits.
I’m With Stupid: (eyeing me) Well, I’m just saying. It is very pretty, but it was such a mess that I couldn’t see it until now.
……….
Scene: Next morning, cleaning up yet again.
James: Ugh, it’s so hard keeping up with the kids’ mess.
Me: I know. It’ll be a relief when they can help keep the place in order.
James: (joking) Yeah, we can just hand off all the chores for them to do while we kick back.
I’m With Stupid: (from the table, sipping tea with her nose in the air) So much work for kids to do. James, well, you never had to do anything like that while you were living at home.
Me: (losing my battle with self-control) Yes, I could tell (imagine sarcastic smile). And as a result I had to teach him how to clean up his own shit when we got married. Not the way I plan to raise my kids. Cleaning up after myself is hard enough as it is. Keeping up with three extra people… not possible.
James: Yeah, I really had to learn how to help out more. It wasn’t fair to Tamra. Our kids are just going to have to learn it sooner in life.
……….
Shall I go on? Do I really need to?
Yes. I know I’m a failure. And a moron. I have three degrees and I’m not working a job using a single one of them right now. Chaos finds its way into my home on a daily basis because I lack the ability to keep on top of clutter. My family wasn’t wealthy, and I grew up wearing hand-me-downs and clearance-rack shoes that made me a laughingstock at the Catholic school I attended. I lost my fucking mind a year ago and almost killed myself. I bought a 109-year-old house because I was more attracted to a home with a century of character and beauty than one that was built this year… even though that’s not the way I’m With Stupid would do things.
Look, I know I’m as far from perfect as one can possibly get, but give me a break. I’m human. I try hard to be a good person and a good mom, wife, friend, and everything else under the sun. At least I admit my faults and realize my shit doesn’t smell like roses. Stop mocking me because I’m proud of a life that you consider to be of a “lesser class” than yours.
For the record, I am relieved to announce that I’m With Stupid is on a plane headed home right this very second.
I was finished gritting my teeth, and I only have so much control of the words that fly out of my mouth when someone crosses the line.
I deserve a fucking Oscar from this weekend’s “you’re not getting to me” performance. Either that or a seat next to the saints in heaven when I finally croak.
Current Mood:
Angry
Tags: Conversation
November 17th, 2009 at 4:23 pm
Oh wow Tamra! I can’t believe you were able to control yourself that long. I can’t believe some of the things they said to you. I’m glad they are gone!
November 17th, 2009 at 5:18 pm
I feel your pain…sorry you had to suffer though it, but glad it is behind you.
Mine live in the same town, and everytime I see them, this is how it goes.
November 17th, 2009 at 5:46 pm
I almost locked myself out of my car at the library today. And, subsequently, I almost panicked. Then I realized that I haven’t given out all my spare emergency keys yet and they’re still in my purse, so even if I had locked myself out, I’d still be able to get back in.
In that moment, I decided that I’ll always keep one of the spare sets in my purse, because as rare as it is to leave my car without the keys, it’s even more rare to leave it without my purse.
re: I’m With Stupid – you should get her the T shirt. (Him too)
November 18th, 2009 at 6:24 am
By the way, I locked my keys in the car, with it still running, and didn’t notice until the next morning when I tried to get into it. It was parallel parked on Madison in Seattle. That was a very rough, very expensive morning.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:14 am
I lock myself out of the house all the time, but thankfully my car won’t let me lock myself out of it because I have to use the key to lock the door. My fiance has these really cool things that you put a spare key in and it sticks to the inside of your bumper or above your tire where no one can see it, just in case you lock yourself out. I think it’s well worth it
http://www.acehardware.com/product/index.jsp?productId=1292149&CAWELAID=109349185
November 18th, 2009 at 9:27 am
Thank goodness she is gone. How fustrating! I hate it when people make comments aimed towards cutting someone down seemingly to justify how perfect they are. Its just so blazeningly rude!!!
November 18th, 2009 at 11:03 am
I will never understand why some people think family is code for “its okay to treat them like shit”. My sister told me yesterday that I am a pushover and that she can talk me into anything. It finally dawned on me that in trying to be nice I’ve been a doormat. I am so done, life is too short. Why is it okay for those people to be disrespectful to you in your own house when all you’ve done is bend over backwards to make them comfortable? As the mother of their grandchildren you deserve respect and they can give it to you or get out. I know its easier said then done but why can they say whatever the fuck they want while you have to bite your tongue? They’re just like kids, set boundaries with them and, while it will be difficult at first because you are changing the status quo, in the end they will respect you for it and you just might come out of it with people you can actually stand to be around.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:00 pm
Wow. Just wow. I want to punch I’m With Stupid in the neck. It drives me absolutely bonkers that some people (and our society, for that matter) want stay-at-home moms to justify themselves. “What do you DO all day?” “Do you plan on working someday?” Good hell. I’m not a mom yet, but I can only imagine how much work goes into one day as a Stay-at-home-mom. Why do people think that you have to be bringing in a paycheck to “earn your keep”? Arg.
Not that I’m bitter or anything.
November 18th, 2009 at 7:01 pm
Oh my GAWD. This person sounds toxic, and unhappy on the inside. That is my impression from what you wrote. Also, she sounds jealous as hell. Maybe because you chose to SAH with the children and somehow she is jealous of this.
You could burn some incense or sage stalks to release your beautiful home of her negative energy (kidding), but seriously I think people like this can be Trouble. (with the capital T).
Thank the Lord this person must live at least a plane ride away.