TMI Warning: Vibrators and Masturbation
A friend was visiting me a few weeks ago and we got into this hilarious conversation about how her favorite vibrator ran out of batteries in the middle of a… er… self-pleasuring session.
We just about died laughing, and I was like, “Girl, how much were you using that thing for the batteries to actually die?”. I’ll leave her answer to your imagination. My response was something along the lines of how I’d never had one run out of batteries.
I jinxed myself.
The very next time I turned my favorite flower vibrator, guess what happened? Yup, the damn thing done ran outta’ batteries on me! I couldn’t believe my luck.
And so last night, guess what I did amidst all the drinking? I developed an even looser tongue than usual and told this whole story to a cute, tall, geeky Asian friend of mine. I have a soft spot in my heart for geeky Asians, if you didn’t know. They’re usually just a bit more innocent but dying to be polluted, and I love doing the honors. He couldn’t stop laughing, gave me a high-five, and said, “Dude, you rock”.
And of course, I had to tell the internet that my vibrator batteries crapped out in the middle of a masturbatory session. Yes, world, I admit to masturbation. Are you ballsy enough to ‘fess up? Everyone does it. And if you never have, there is SOMETHING WRONG WITH YOU.
Funny enough, it’s not something I have EVER been comfortable with. I started doing it as part of my physical therapy to help break down the scar tissue in my hoo-haw… the painful, thick scar from the severe tear and bad stitches I received during my first natural childbirth. Sure, I admit I played with myself to get that special feeling before the therapist’s orders (*blush*), but it was infrequent enough that I couldn’t tell you from one time to the next how long it’d been. But being told it was a necessary part of healing to help with my prolapse made it seem somehow less sinful and shameful, even when I kinda’ crossed the line, lost control, and couldn’t help but to orgasm during one of those self-therapeutic moments. I mean, if you’ve ever used a vibrator, you KNOW how damn good those things feel. It’s nearly impossible to hold back The Big O.
I’m trying to learn to love myself, and this is no easy task. Even though I was taught that masturbation is selfish, disgusting, and sinful by the Catholic Church and part of me still believes that, I have a feeling that God would prefer I enjoy and love my body than feel disgusted by what He/She gave me. Even sexually. Something seems wrong with a teaching that goes against what feels completely natural. And dealing with a past of sexual abuse is really forcing me to face that.
I find it ironic that being open about this makes it seem so much more acceptable. Like, by admitting it, it’s no longer this taboo sin that I have to keep hidden in the cobwebs of my mind.
Besides, there’s nothing quite like receiving a high-five from a cute, geeky male friend because you just confessed in a very comfortable manner that you’ve masturbated so much that your damn vibrator batteries actually died. Yes, world, I did it. And I laugh as I write this because it somehow feel liberating to confess it to such a large audience.
Please, feel free to share your experiences with me, even if it’s in a private email. You’re not going to get any judgement from me, and I promise it’s kind of a relief to admit it.
Current Mood:
Cool
Tags: Masturbation, Sex
November 20th, 2009 at 3:56 pm
When I was married to my ex husband I had a vibrator that ran out of batteries a lot! He was TERRIBLE in bed and I would make up excuses not to do it and just do it myself! lol But when I met Chris… oh good lord I could throw the darn thing out! He is wonderful and I haven’t thought about using my vibrator at all! I actually may have thrown it out. I’m not even sure its been so long since I laid eyes on it!
November 20th, 2009 at 4:36 pm
my husband bought me my first vibrator. he loves to be able to play with me while not being too sexually distracted himself. unfortunately, i still have a bit of a hangup when it comes to stuff like that, but i’m trying to be better about it for him because he really, really likes to watch. i’ll admit, i’m still fighting feelings of wrongness and awkwardness, but that’s just because i’m all messed up in the head. i’m a work in progres… luckily, the homework is kinda fun.
that being said, my vibrator has run out of batteries lots of times in the past 8 years. i’ve even had to replace it once.
November 20th, 2009 at 4:38 pm
November 20th, 2009 at 5:14 pm
Woo, hoo. Shockingly I’ve never had the batteries run out on me – but I’ve run through a lot of vibrators!
November 20th, 2009 at 5:29 pm
Oh yes, I’ve had the batteries run out on me, too!!!
November 20th, 2009 at 8:57 pm
I feel a little left out to be so vibrator-less. Hmm, just may have to remedy that!! : )
Will say, there is a store in OKC called Patricia’s that has the cash for clunkers special right now. Bring your old vibrating toy to Particia’s and get 25% off a new one!
November 21st, 2009 at 12:08 am
Get one that plugs in – never runs out of batteries! I have to remind you that as a recovered Catholic – the Catholic Church is so wrong about so many things. I encourage you to read “Conversations with God.” It makes so much more sense than ANYTHING I ever learned in Catholic school/church. Bodies are meant to be enjoyed – by yourself, by others…it’s OK to do anything that feels good to you and anything that you and your partner agree about. And, having been ordained on Sunday – this is the official word that I’m handing down to you. You have permission to enjoy yourself in every way possible!
November 21st, 2009 at 1:10 pm
I’ve had to replace the batteries in mine quite a few times. Ernie calls mine the “Pink Panther”…go ahead…laugh…its just hot pink in color…
I think I’ve even had the batteries die on me in the middle of ‘playing’ one time…its like listening to a slow death…the vibrator just goes slower and slower and slower…then stops…so…so so sad.
Thanks for another great post Tamra!
November 21st, 2009 at 5:19 pm
Although they are a bit more expensive, I LOVE rechargeable vibrators! The cost of batteries add up over time (at least at the rate I go through them)and you cannot beat the convenience of simply reaching over and plugging it in instead of getting dressed, searching all over the house, or worst case scenario, going down to the corner store to buy more.
In terms of reliability, convenience, and quality, you really cannot go wrong with a rechargeable vibrator!