A Kick In The Bee-hind

My lack of blogging over this last week or so has been a direct result of the deterioration of my sanity.

Yesterday, everything sort of exploded and left gooey guts all over the place for me to clean up.

Sort of literally, actually.  Julie decided to shove way too much toilet paper down the porcelain throne, causing it to back up like I’ve never seen before.  Seriously.  The damn thing was regurgitating last year’s horror flicks while I plunged like crazy and sopped up a tidal wave of piss water that got all over everything.  Gross.  Took a few hours to clean and sanitize and de-clog the damn thing.  I couldn’t fall asleep because my back was hurting. Today, it feels like someone decided to take a steel-toe boot to my lower spine and back muscles.  Great.

Now, I love my family so freaking much it rips a hole in my heart to have to say this… but living with them under their roof IS NOT HEALTHY FOR ME.  It was a good enough childhood living here- I had everything I needed and parents that made sure I knew they loved me more than humanly possible- but living here as an adult depresses me.  Even if it only is for a couple weeks at a time.

I have come to treasure my own living space more than I realized.  The atmosphere that James and I have created in our own home is a mix of peacefulness, warmth, and safety that I never really experienced growing up.  My parents both came from difficult and/or abusive pasts, so their home- albeit filled with much love- has always exuded a bit of tension and stress.  And while I love my family so damn much, I’d be lying if said that hasn’t taken a toll on my mental state over the last week and a half.

I didn’t even realize how bad it was until late last night when I called a Seattle friend and rambled for almost an hour straight… and afterwards I was thinking, holy shit, where did all that come from?

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my Tucson psychiatrist.  I certainly need it.

Current Mood:Alarmed emoticon Alarmed

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This entry was posted on Wednesday, December 2nd, 2009 at 9:55 am and is filed under Daily Ramble, Insanity. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. Both comments and pings are currently closed.

2 Responses to “A Kick In The Bee-hind”

  1. James Says:
    December 2nd, 2009 at 7:07 pm

    I’m sorry you’ve been struggling there. I could hear the progression even just talking to you on the phone. The first couple days were good, then it deteriorated from there. Hang in there. I’ll be there in 2 days and then we’ll be back in Seattle in no time. I love you!

  2. Mia Says:
    December 3rd, 2009 at 7:39 am

    I could see it last night. I wish we would have had more time to chit-chat, but there really wasn’t any. You’ll be out of this personal hell soon.