The Balancing Act
It took a few days, but I think I am finally starting to stabilize.
Tuesday I had a complete and utter mental meltdown, as you could probably tell from the post I wrote. When the suicidal thoughts started smothering me and the obsessive-compulsive self-revulsion hit me upside the head and knocked me my on my ass, James pulled up the medication warnings on my Prozac and we realized that my freak-out was most likely a result of the dosage change.
My doctor had warned me it might happen, but when I was in the midst of it, I couldn’t see it. She told me that if it did indeed happen, then I needed to bump my dose back up an extra 10mg every other day… and if that didn’t do the trick, then I need to be back on my old dosage.
Two days later and an extra 10mg every other day, and I’m feeling less neurotic and irrational and much more like I can handle putting one foot in front of the other again.
I’m sorry for concerning so many people, and I really appreciate those who have contacted me with kind words. Thanks for all the support I’ve received the last few days. You have no idea how much it means to me.
Now ,I just have to keep my head on straight. Don’t worry, I’ll be back to my normal, sarcastic, sick-humored self shortly, and I’ll cook up something good to bitch about on the internet. Currently, I’m just trying to get myself back into the swing of things.
I think I’ll go get my nails done before I teach a dance lesson this evening. Then I’m going to groove to some badass tunes later.
Sans too much rum and coke and wine this time. I don’t need to add “alcoholic” to my list of severe mental illnesses.
Current Mood:
Mischievous
Tags: Depression
December 10th, 2009 at 5:28 pm
I’m glad you are starting to feel better! I was getting worried about you.
Oh and you should totally post pictures of you tree! I’d love to see it.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:41 pm
For an added pick me up: I’ve had so many family members ask who you are, and then tell me how beutiful you are. Just thought you should know.
December 10th, 2009 at 6:50 pm
I agree with Mia, if she’s talking about the wedding…I thought when I looked at those pics that you looked absolutely gorgeous!!
Sorry, I haven’t been on much to notice the meltdown. I have 300 pages still to read, and several discussions, plus a portfolio paper due, uh, tomorrow. : )
I’m glad things are going better.
December 10th, 2009 at 7:49 pm
Whew…you had me worried. I’m glad it was just a dosage issue and you are getting back to yourself.
December 11th, 2009 at 5:26 am
It never seizes to amaze me how such a small change in a medication dose can screw with your mind. After Christmas last year, My doctor upped my Effexor and it threw me into hypomania. While I appreciated the extra energy…and believe me I was like the energizer bunny on crack…it wasn’t healthy.
I’m glad that you guys were able to figure that out and that you’re feeling much better.
PS ~ Your sense of humour is AWESOME!!!
December 11th, 2009 at 8:37 am
You are not mentally ill, silly! And there is nothing wrong with having to re-up the dosage of meds, if they help then why the hell not?! I don’t like the fact that I need Zoloft to keep me functional, either, but it does, and I refuse to be ashamed of that fact!
Glad your getting back into sorts, be gentle and patient with yourself…
<3
December 11th, 2009 at 8:39 am
By the way, I’m directing some of my friends to your blog because you talk about so many issues that SO MANY women can relate to! Thanks for sharing yourself with us, you are AWESOME, Sexy Mama!
December 11th, 2009 at 5:57 pm
Oh, and by the way, you missed out on my funny drunken mother. She puked 4 times after the party.
January 27th, 2010 at 5:34 pm
[...] time, there was no horrific crazy crash like I had in December, but I am realizing that my attempts to lessen the medication dose (that I wish wasn’t [...]