A Surprisingly Sane Blog

I’ve already admitted to being one of those stupid people who reads celebrity gossip like it’s the Bible. So today’s, er, rant is going to be one of those posts where I’m certain someone’s gonna come out with a, “Quit whining about that kind of shit… if it bothers you, don’t read it.”

To which I’m gonna say, “Tough, you’re the one reading my blog… if you don’t want to hear what I’m bitching about, don’t read it.” Right back at ya.

Anyway, I’ll quit being a snot and get to the point.

I got pretty disappointed and grossed out recently when I read some of the comments regarding the shape of some celebrity’s breasts.

“Nothing more vomit-inducing than saggy tits…”

Wait, what?

First of all, the celebrity in question appeared to have perfectly fine, un-saggy tits. And second of all, who the fuck cares if breasts aren’t so perky that they’re hitting one’s chin? You’re joking, right? A Real Woman’s breasts are vomit-inducing?

Quite frankly, I am proud of my breasts. They’re not perfect or as firm as they once were, but they’ve done incredible things nourishing two babies for their first year of life, and they’re the only set of ta-tas I have. I think they’re beautiful, and I’ll be damned if someone dared to call them “vomit-inducing” just because they don’t look like the fake tits of a porn star.

I’ve gone through all kinds of insecurities regarding my breasts, and I finally, after two kids, am able to look at them fondly.  My stresses that my nipples are too small or too flat or my fear that the faded stretch marks from when my milk came in and my boobs almost ruptured are unattractive are very much in the past. If I could feel the same way about my vagina that I do about my breasts, I’d be a much happier person. The stupidest part is, I know that like my breasts, I have nothing to be concerned about regarding my hoo-haw. But being the obsessive-compulsive nutjob that I am, I can’t stop obsessing about it.

Sadly, I grew up in a very loving, yet extremely shallow family. I was always hearing about other peoples’ weight, or how their breasts where too big or too saggy, or how that couple over there had one ugly baby. It’s horrible looking back at that and knowing that some of my most deep-seeded issues stem from that. I am grateful that God gave me the good sense to question what I was always hearing, and that as an adult I am no longer too meek to speak my mind when I hear family members talk out of their asses that way.

I have helped a number of women breastfeed and have seen a whole range of natural breasts up close and personal. Not a single one of them looked the same, and not a single one of them wasn’t beautiful.

Gosh, what the hell is wrong with our society that a breast of any kind could possibly be “vomit-inducing”? Any fucker who thinks that has absolutely no business ever seeing a set of boobs again.

And while I know preferences exist as far as size and shape is concerned, do guys really care *all that much* about what a woman’s breasts look like? Wait, don’t answer that. I already know that, unfortunately, the answer is “yes” for some people. And to be honest, they could look like a god and I would find them utterly disgusting and unattractive.

Some people are really stupid, and that’s just sad.

Current Mood: Angry