We found a button in April’s poopy diaper yesterday.
A button.
We find crayons in there on a regular basis, so we’re used to the multi-colored shit. However, that was the first time we found something completely inedible in her diaper. Gross, huh? Even grosser is the fact that I felt compelled to share that with the internet.
What kind of weird shit have you found in your kid’s/kids’ diapers?
Current Mood:
Alarmed
A close friend of my family was diagnosed with a “very aggressive” form of Alzheimer’s this year, and this knowledge has affected me a lot more than I like admitting.
Admitting pain is hard for me. Pain, fear, sadness… somehow, they all seem to symbolize a weakness that I was inadvertently taught to fight- the fact that I am utterly and undeniably human. To be perfectly honest, I am glad that I am only human, so I fail to understand why I fight those emotions. Funny how life works, huh?
I spent a lot of time at this woman’s house growing up. Her daughter was one of my closest friends as a child. Later, after her wonderful husband died tragically, she married one of my family’s other close friends. We celebrated holidays together, found strength in each other during hard times, and knew there was always a family that we could trust nearby.
Nightmares of her steady deterioration have been plaguing me. Namely because it’s an illness that she can only fight so hard before it consumes her. Like the depression almost killed me. Except I was lucky enough that anti-depressants could help. Her medication can only delay the inevitable.
Last year’s severe point of depression during the holidays was one of the worst things I have ever experienced. I had no control over what was happening to me, and the haze that accompanied every moment of my waking hours left me with little memory of that time. Knowing that I missed out on the first several months of April’s life angers and frustrates me. I know it wasn’t my fault, but I can’t help the thought ‘what kind of a mother am I?’ that likes to sneak up on me.
I have no idea what my friend’s mom is experiencing, and I am terrified that someday I, too, will fall victim to something like Alzheimer’s. Losing my mind (again) is one of my greatest fears.
Currently, I am trying to allow myself to grieve for this woman. It’s amazing how hard it is for me to let the pain come and to shed the tears necessary for me to accept this.
I can’t imagine what her poor family is going through.
Current Mood:
Sad