A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Last year I joined the YMCA to “work out” for the first time since high school PE classes.

I’ve never been a fan of working out. I have next to no attention span for boring things, and “working out” kind of falls into the category of “boring things” for me. Instead, I use dancing as my means of major exercise. It works well, keeps me in shape, and is tons of fun.

However, sometimes, it just can’t do the job like I need. Like losing the baby weight after baby number two, or toning that fat on my ass and hips that seems to creep its way under my skin overnight. So I joined the YMCA in Tucson and discovered the wonderful world of exercise classes… and those were WAY more fun than lifting weights all by my lonesome.

But I moved, and I’ve been doing nothing but dancing for the last four months or so… and I’m not digging the not-so-toned appearance of my butt and hips again. So, I sucked it up and joined a gym last night. Because God loves me, not only is the place equipped with a pool and really nice equipment, but it’s got a fitness class schedule like no other.

I plan to take pics of myself and post some before and after results once I’ve been at it for a few weeks or so. Don’t worry, I’ll be wearing clothing. And for those of you dying to see me naked, it’ll be a bikini or underwear or something, so it won’t leave all that much to the imagination.

Current Mood: Cool

I love, love, love to talk about taboo things. It’s fun. You know you do, too (even if just secretly), and that’s why you read my trainwreck blog. It’s also because you KNOW that at some point during the week, I’m going to scream “PENIS” in a crowded room full of kindergartners while appalled “good” parents shoot me dirty looks and cover their children’s ears. THAT’S WHY YOU’RE A READER! ADMIT IT!

Okay, so I’ll stop yelling at you and get to the point. Pardon my crappy mood. It’s been a hard week.

All this talk about dick size on my birth control poll suddenly has me wanting real opinions on the issue that concerns every guy whether they want to admit it or not: Does the size of their weenie really matter to us women?

Does it matter to you? Do you have preferences? And would I be a total bitch for admitting when I’ve seen small ones (we’re not talking the small end of average, we’re talking very, very small) I felt a little disappointed and turned-off? Oh my gosh, that’s so horrible. I just totally blurted that out to the internet. I mean, not to say they weren’t nice dicks and couldn’t have done their jobs well… but I just wasn’t about to consider finding out for sure. (Was that an acceptable recovery?)

I guess I don’t have enough experience partner-wise to know how much it really matters, but I can give my two cents from my limited exposure with different-sized willies: I have been able to feel the difference in size and shape, but what has really made sex good or bad has been the person I’m doing, their skillz, and most importantly, my mental state at the time.

So, I do have a preference, and I can say James meets all those requirements… however, I think he’d be mortified if I went into detail. BUT, I will say this: the first time James’ member went up there, I kind of thought, “Holy shit… he feels AMAZING“. Way better than the guy I was with before him. I think they were probably similar in length (but crap, it’s been a decade, so I can’t really remember), but the way he is shaped just seemed like a match made in heaven for me.

I think that if a guy was extraordinarily huge or super teeny it probably wouldn’t work for me. Freakishly large would just be painful- I’m really sensitive down there, I kind of like it rough sometimes (*blush*), and I can only handle so much pain. And too small… well, um, I’ve had two huge kids. I’m afraid something miniature would get lost in there never to be felt. But then again, maybe I’m wrong. I’ve kind of seen and played with quite a few penises, all different shapes and sizes, so I’m well aware of the variety… I just didn’t fuck enough of ‘em to make much of a comparison.

As far as what I’ve heard, different women have said things all across the board, but there’s definitely been a few themes. Of course, most have been really careful to never admit they didn’t like their partner’s penis, but I have to wonder if any of them were secretly a little disappointed. Skills can be refined, but body parts (like my ripped, sewn, stretched, and rehabilitated hoo-haw) are just something you’re stuck with.

So I’m curious, ladies… what’s your experience with different peens? Does size REALLY matter? If so, how so?

Now, because this is a delicate topic, it’s totally okay to remain anonymous in your comments. But I would really love it if some of you lurkers chimed in! Don’t worry… I’m not gonna judge you, even if what you have to say is a little mean. Hell, we all know what a bitch I can be.

Current Mood: Playful

Special thanks to my friend over at Nobody’s Nothings for today’s blog post idea. And also to my cyber-friend, C, for posting something similar a couple weeks ago on her blog, A Day In The Life Of A Crazy Nursing Student.

My list of things that I ABSOLUTELY DID NOT DO this week:

I did not…

…wake up screaming this morning because I had a nightmare. Nope, not me!

…have a mental crash that left me feeling paranoid and angry for the majority of the week. Nope, not me!

…get totally pissed at my husband for going to a birthday party/dancing last night because I was totally sure he was doing it to avoid his crazy wife, even though it’s something he’s been planning all week. Nope, not me!

…suddenly, in the midst of all my insanity, think that getting pregnant again might be the best way to deal with my birth control stresses. Nope, not me!

…avoid baking any goodies whatsoever because I knew I lacked the self-control necessary to keep from devouring all of the dough before it made it into the oven. Nope, not me!

…drank too much on Monday night and almost drove before I’d sobered up (ducking the glares and beatings from smart people). Nope, not me!

…drive the next morning doped up on Novocaine and almost fall asleep at the wheel on the freeway twice. Nope, not me!

…try to convince my husband that I’m totally worth buying this ring (that we don’t have money for) with an obscenely huge diamond and tons of sparkles for Valentine’s Day. Nope, not me!

…space out while grooming my pubes in the shower, only to look down and realize most of ‘em were gone on one side… then totally fuck up the other side while trying to even it out. Nope, not me!

…end up shaving the whole thing right off, look in the mirror, and freak out when I realized I had a completely bald pussy when I’m the kind of girl who prefers it natural over hairless. Nope, not me!

…cry myself to sleep in my husband’s arms a couple nights ago. Nope, not me!

…spend the majority of the week lounging around in my pajamas. Nope, not me!

…highly consider driving my car off a bridge last night while taking a little sanity break from the kids at 8:00 p.m. Nope, not me!

…lock myself into the bathroom to finish typing out this blog entry… only to hear my kid scream on the top of her lungs because she plunged face-first into the kitchen floor from the barstool-height chair. Nope, not me!

…

I am so glad it’s Friday. This week has been hell, and I’m ready for it to be over.

Current Mood: Alarmed

You can choose up to two answers because I know that some people use more than one form of birth control on a regular basis.

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Answers are, as always, anonymous.

Current Mood: Playful

Current Mood: Mischievous