A Poll And Discussion: Orgasms
By popular request, we’re gonna talk about hitting the big O today. And I’m gonna share yet again WAY TOO MUCH INFO with you all because brutal honesty on taboo topics (like my penis size blog last week) seems to make for the best discussions on here.
First, the poll:
Loading ...And now the other questions: What does it take for you to orgasm? A number of women said last week that they can’t or usually don’t orgasm during the act of sex itself… can you? If so, does it only work in certain positions? Do you need direct clitoral stimulation to orgasm, or can you hit the big O even without it?
Okay… so now for my answers. You ready for ‘em? *blushing*
Orgasming for me has never been difficult until I had to start taking antidepressants. And actually, it wasn’t until I was at the highest dose that I needed to take that I really noticed them affecting me in that way. Since then my dosage has been decreased by a whopping 5 mg, which isn’t a lot but still very much affects me in the bedroom in a good way, thank goodness. I can orgasm during sex, oral, masturbation, whatever, without too much of a hitch. HOWEVER, there’s a major caveat to this: I can rarely orgasm unless I’ve had nipple stimulation as well.
Yes, weird, I know. For some people it’s the clit, but my hot buttons are my nipples. For real. I have orgasmed off of nipple stimulation alone. Add just a little of that to sex, and I melt in a matter of seconds.
Without the nipple stimulation, I can sometimes orgasm, but I either need to be: A) just really freaking horny at the time; or B) I need to have a lot a lot of imagination happening to get me there in addition to direct clitoral stimulation. What kind of imagination, you ask? Seriously, I don’t know if I’m ready to talk about that. I’ve got some fucked up abuse in my history, and I’m rather ashamed about some of the things that I find a turn-on. Don’t worry, I’m sure one of these days I’ll go there… but I need to talk to a sex therapist first.
As for sex positions, although I’m a big fan of doggie-style, I can only orgasm that way if I’ve got the help of a vibrator. The best positions for me to hit the O are either being on top or having my hubby on top. Again, that direct clitoral stimulation is a must.
Okay, I just completely opened up about one of the most taboo topics I can think of… now it’s your turn! Don’t be shy! And if you’re a guy, by all means… you’re welcome to chime in as well.
Current Mood:
Playful
Mia said,
February 5, 2010 @ 12:26 pm
I usually have several, I prefer starting with oral, then moving on from there. The first one is usually the strongest, so I like getting it the best way I can. After that, just about any way is fine!
Mia said,
February 5, 2010 @ 12:28 pm
Oh, and my imagination takes me to some really “fucked up” places too, but we all have our fantasies, just because we imagine it doesn’t mean we really want it to happen.
Nobody said,
February 5, 2010 @ 12:34 pm
well… i have two completely distinct orgasms, external (clit) and internal. (intercourse) i can’t orgasm externally in the presence of another person. i don’t know why. i’m sure it has something to do with some weird hang up from my childhood, but i prefer not to dwell on the specifics.
i hadn’t an internal orgasm until sex with my husband… (my X’s dick wasn’t big enough to reach my spot) it takes me a while to get there (30 minute minimum) so i don’t always orgasm during sex. when i do, we call it “party sex” because it’s basically an all night thing. i don’t mind not orgasming all the time during sex, because when i DO orgasm, i don’t stop. literally… i don’t stop orgasming until my husband stops trying to make me. it’s pretty awesome, actually… it’s probably a good thing i don’t do it that often, because if i did i’d be limp as a wet noodle all day for the rest of my life.
as for positions… we always end it with me on all fours.
i don’t like external stimulation during sex… it’s just too distracting for me.
i try to be open-minded when it comes to toys, but they’re never anything more than a means to an end, rather than the end itself.
and…. there you have it…
Kathryn-the-Great said,
February 5, 2010 @ 12:35 pm
I’m the same as you Tam, nipple stimulation gets me going and I can pretty much only orgasm on top or bottom. One thing sure to get me totally turned on is a massage… ending with the nipples, that’s the best!
stacia said,
February 5, 2010 @ 1:02 pm
I don’t always orgasm during sex – but if I’m off the wall horny, look out.
I also need the nipple love. Growing up, when I masturbated it was always, one hand down below and one hand with the nipples and look out – earthshattering!!!
Positions me on top works best. Because then I can grab my nipples!
Rikki said,
February 5, 2010 @ 2:16 pm
I’d say I have an orgasm 9 out 10 times that we have sex. The times I don’t are when I’m not really into it. I can also O clitorally but it doesn’t feel as good to me. It takes me about 25 minutes to reach the point of orgasm internally and about 3 minutes to reach O with clit stimulation. But they aren’t as satisfying so I’d rather put in the work to get there internally. Thankfully my husband is more than willing to get me there!
Kristen said,
February 5, 2010 @ 3:38 pm
I experience my orgasms externally so I definitely need clit stimulation to get there. I do orgasm every time we have sex and my hubby is really good about working his magic to get me there. I reach the big O the easiest when I am on top or we come at it in another position. I can’t really describe it but I’m sure there is a name for it. Basically, we criss-cross our legs as he enters me. The pressure of his leg in my vaginal area and the fact that my legs aren’t spread too wide is what makes it work. At times, when he is on top, I stimulate myself as well. I do not enjoy it when my hubby does it, though, because he presses too hard (even though I’ve instructed him before).
However, Tamra, I too have imagined some crazy stuff and found some crazy things that are turn-ons for me. So, you are certainly not alone in that!
Tamra said,
February 5, 2010 @ 3:44 pm
Holy crap, girls… you can handle nearly half an hour or more of vaginal sex??? What’s your secret? I’m a “gimme some foreplay, make me come, finish quickly, and get out!” sort of girl myself. Even with lube I hurt down there if it’s an extended amount of time! LOL!
Kristen said,
February 5, 2010 @ 4:43 pm
Tamra – I couldn’t handle that either, although my husband could. Once I have had my orgasm, I dry up so quickly and so much that even with lube I will start to hurt!
Nobody said,
February 5, 2010 @ 5:34 pm
astroglide. the large bottle.
Kimberlee said,
February 5, 2010 @ 6:53 pm
I used to be a nipple stimulation and that could get me to O *really* easy. I had a breast reduction 2 years ago and ever since my nipples are so different I just can’t get there with that anymore. I knew it was a possibility with the surgery…but getting rid of DDD sized boobs was more important than my stimulation….
I don’t think I’ve ever had an internal orgasm…I’m guessing since I don’t think I have I must not have. I have to have clit stimulation so the only way I’ve found so far with my fiancee is on top with a little bit of dirty talk and if I am in the mood far enough I’ll actually O. My fiancee is what I call a “selfish lover” that he is more concerned about his O than mine and isn’t too interested in taking time to make sure I hit mine so I end up most times doing it on my own.
Vibrators are one of God’s best inventions…but mine is now buried in a box in the garage because I don’t have any good hiding spots from my boys. (Anyone have any good tips on where to hide the toy pile???)
So that’s my two bits! That’s for the topic Tamra!
mia said,
February 5, 2010 @ 8:02 pm
I love internal/externals…him inside of me, with me on my clit….my neighbors must get one hell of an audio from that!!! I’m also not a big fan of longevity, but K could last a really long time if I let him.
Holly said,
February 6, 2010 @ 3:46 am
Hitachi Magic Wand is my buddy. Other that that…it’s a no go. I think it’s the anti-d i take, I have NO sex drive.
mia said,
February 6, 2010 @ 6:41 am
I think I can count on one hand how many times I haven’t had an orgasm during sex. Each time I was sick. Usually if I am, I’m so numb down there that I don’t even care.
crazynursingstudent said,
February 6, 2010 @ 7:44 am
I can do both, internal and external, but it’s always better internal. I am with you on the nipple stimulation *blush*, that’s the reason for my bloody nipple! LOL
Stephanie said,
February 6, 2010 @ 10:53 am
I’m with you on this one Tamra. I must have nipple stimlation during foreplay and during intercourse and or oral. I cannot reach the big o without it. I also need clitoral stimulation as well during intercourse. I prefer my legs up on his shoulders for an internal o.
Tamra said,
February 6, 2010 @ 9:44 pm
Hm, so I’m totally wondering about those of you who have a lot of difficultly orgasming during intercourse. Has it been different with different partners at all? So, like, do you think it’s maybe just how you are, or do you feel that perhaps it may be a bit of a chemistry thing or physical thing with your partner?
Kimberlee… yikes, I can’t imagine having a breast reduction
. I think it would really kill my sex drive because I’m so dependent on my nipples to reach orgasm. However, I would imagine it would be easier for you if your man worked a little harder to please you! James and I have certainly had that conversation before- like, the, “Hey, you know… if you, like, do XYZ, I’ll probably come…,” while I’ve been really frustrated before. Guys really suck at reading our minds! I’ve found being blunt is the only way to get what I really want sometimes- LOL!
Tamra said,
February 6, 2010 @ 9:46 pm
Girls… How the hell do I have an internal orgasm? How do I know if it’s internal? I’m pretty sure I just orgasm externally because I need the clit stimulation for it to happen… but any tips on how I’d know if it were an internal one?
too chicken to put my real name said,
February 6, 2010 @ 11:35 pm
For me, it’s all about the finger inside and the g-spot. I want that done immediately and just right, and I come instantly (and over and over). After that, the guy can do anything he wants and I’m perfectly happy. I usually orgasm during intercourse, too. Sometimes, direct clitoral stimulation is too intense for me.
When I’m by myself, it’s all about indirect clitoral stimulation with the Prelude vibrator.
mia said,
February 7, 2010 @ 5:29 am
Definitely a g-spot thing. K seems to hit it just right. Usually after my first clitoral O, I really can’t handle direct stimulation…I like internals better after the first O though. Clitoral is just more powerful for me. I’m also more likely to have an internal after a clitoral.
Holly said,
February 7, 2010 @ 6:25 am
So now Im totally jealous. I have no idea what an “internal orgasm” feels like. Im starting to think Im not doing things right ;p
I think the fact that I am always tired and kinda angry with the hubby makes it impossible for me to O. Or maybe its my ADD lol. Or perhaps its the fact that I dont feel sexy or attractive anymore. Id probably be a nicer person if I came more often!
Kimberlee said,
February 7, 2010 @ 6:59 am
Tamra – I completely agree that guys suck at reading our minds…Ernie and I have had the conversation MANY times what gets me going…he’s just not willing to put the time in. I guess you’re next poll will have to be “If you cheated what pushed you over the edge to find someone else?”
As for my sensation…I still feel my nipples…it just isn’t the same as it used to be.
My main problem with getting to O is I can never clear my mind enough to really get into sex. I’m always thinking about what I need to do (homework, work, dishes, laundry, etc) or about the kids who are beating each other in the next room. It takes a lot for me to get wound up enough to get to a point that I’m that involved in the moment that I can actually get to a point that I can O.
I’m INCREDIBLY jealous of the girls that said that they O pretty much every time they have sex….and also whatever this “internal” orgasm is.
Kimberlee said,
February 7, 2010 @ 7:02 am
And I’m just re-reading the newest comments…Mia you’re not allowed to talk any more….
“I like internals better after the first O though” I’m reading this as you’re having multiple Os each time you have sex…NO FAIR!!!
Kristen said,
February 7, 2010 @ 8:00 am
Yeah, I can count on one hand how many times I’ve had multiple O’s. Those moments were amazing and I really don’t know what was different about those times than all others. There has been one internal O and THAT WAS PHENOMENAL! It was achieved by a combination of clitoral stimulation by oral and the use of some very amazing fingers!
I’d love more, though, if I could figure out how to make it happen regularly.
Tamra said,
February 7, 2010 @ 11:06 am
Okay… so I’m with Holly… I am INSANELY jealous of this whole “internal orgasm” thing. Also, I don’t multiple O, either. Well, take that back… I think I’ve done it like twice- LOL. I need like half an hour in between Os before I can have another one.
Mia said,
February 7, 2010 @ 3:59 pm
(So I usually have 4 or 5 every time we have sex, after that, they’re just not as good)
d ( >_< ) b
Mia said,
February 7, 2010 @ 4:02 pm
On a side note: Before my husband, I was never able to O without direct clitoral stimulation. He was my first internal/intercourse O. Also, multiples were a rarity before him.
Kyle said,
February 7, 2010 @ 4:30 pm
I am completely astounded. The percentages of woman who have either never had an orgasm during intercourse or “rarely,” or even “half the time” or whatever, over half responded in this manner. Wow! I had no idea. If you really think about it, it’s almost mind-blowing. No wonder the “standard” woman isn’t into sex as much as the average man. You girls don’t seem to get anything out of it. Understandable. But, being a man myself, I do not have an answer, or advice, or a cure. I can only speak of my own personal knowledge and experiences. Fortunately I cannot speak on small penises and how that may affect a woman’s ability to orgasm during sex, but I think I can safely say having a penis of sizable measure does not mean you know what you doing with it. That aside, I think the biggest factor with a woman orgasming during intercourse hinges upon effort by your partner. Effort you can work with. Men who just really don’t care, well, I don’t know if you can do anything with that. Maybe not all men are “natural born athletes” and maybe they just need coordination advice, but if he doesn’t give a shit, he doesn’t give a shit. The ability to recognize that, sooner rather than later, is I think the one most important steps in ultimately achieving CONSISTENT orgasms during sex, which I believe is one of main goals here, and is what everyone who participates in that act deserves. You should not settle for anything less, and should not feel like you have to. Again, you cannot do anything with a partner who doesn’t care. I personally wouldn’t be with a man, woman, or donkey if they didn’t care enough to try. From a man to a woman, I think that is where the issue is. But try to give him a chance. The best thing to hear is honesty and straightforwardness. If there isn’t any adjustments after that serious discussion, well, he probably just didn’t give enough of a damn. That is both sad, and kind of hard to wrap my brain around, but the reality is the reality and you kind of have to deal with that in a matter that makes the most sense. Serious weight should given to this problem.
Kyle said,
February 7, 2010 @ 4:39 pm
I am so sorry. I actually just now read some of the comments you ladies have posted, as I was getting the gist of it second hand. I AM SO SORRY that some of you do not know what an “internal orgasm” feels like. Multiples, yeah well I’m jealous too dammit. I can only dream. But “internal?” Seriously? I have no answer; just sympathy. (wish I could help, but I’m married!
If I prayed that is what I would pray for. Really, I am sorry to hear that. To that end, I got nothin’.
Kevin said,
February 7, 2010 @ 9:51 pm
I have agree with Kyle, in my opinion, a guy not being willing to put in effort is probably a bad sign.
Anyway on internal orgasms, having witnessed more than a few, I will also agree with Kyle in that I am sorry as well. From what I’ve seen on a 10 point scale, external is 3 – 7 and internal is like 15 – 20 (yes on a 10 point scale, 15 – 20)! From what I understand it’s really, really amazing. I am not sure if every woman can have internal g-spot orgasm, but I’ve heard people claim that everyone can (also heard claims the g-spot is a myth). Just like orgasms in general, a lot of things can screw it up.
Tamra said,
February 8, 2010 @ 10:26 am
Hm… then maybe I *do* orgasm internally? I don’t really know… I know orgasms feel better with a dick in there… does that mean it’s an internal orgasm? Geez, suddenly I feel so, um, naive.
Denielle said,
February 8, 2010 @ 12:06 pm
Wow where to start! lol
It is not difficult for me to have an external orgasm. My hubby works some MAGIC and within minutes most times I’m screaming while clawing the head board! Internal on the other hand it doesn’t happen every time but when it does its AMAZING. However that take a bit of work to get there. Before my hubby I had never been given an orgasm. I had given myself many (wow can’t believe I just said that) but no man had wanted to put in the work to make it happen and quite frankly were oblivious! The first time my hubby and I made love he actually stopped in the heat of the moment to look me in the eyes and tell me he was GOING to make me happy. And sure enough 3 hours later OMG I was HAPPY! And he has never let me down since.
Before my hubby came along quite honestly I preferred to just do it myself. The guys I was dating just didn’t care what made it work for me so it was like ok yeah hurry up stick it in…. get it over with so I can grab my vibrator and head to the bathroom to do it myself. One time with my hubby and I threw that vibrator away!
I think it should be a crime to be with a man who is bad in bed or just doesn’t care to make sure its GOOD for you!
holly said,
February 8, 2010 @ 12:24 pm
Ive decide to conduct my own experiment to see if its it me or him. Im thinking its him cause I never get THIS excited at the prospect of doin him…
Tamra said,
February 8, 2010 @ 12:30 pm
OMG Holly… LOL! Dare I ask for details?
holly said,
February 8, 2010 @ 12:36 pm
hit me up on fbook chat sometime, Tamra. ill fill ya in ;p
anonymous said,
February 8, 2010 @ 4:02 pm
Ok, so I can’t believe I’m going to admit this but here goes…my sex life is pretty great, I really just need my significant other to lay there and I know my body well enough that I can give myself three or four internal, oh my god type, orgasms. The absolute best orgasms though, for me, are from anal sex. I definitely wasn’t a fan of this when my then-husband brought up the idea but after a lot of lubrication and a little bit of work, we got it and it is AWESOME. I have to be on top to control it but there is nothing better. Am I the only one?
anonymous said,
February 8, 2010 @ 4:23 pm
Going anonymous on this…but, you are not alone! Yes, orgasm from anal is amazing. I’d love to experience it more often but we usually don’t get there!
Mia said,
February 8, 2010 @ 4:29 pm
Tamra, if there’s clit play, then that’s a combo internal/external, and those are the BEST! And anonymous, those are good too…when I can handle getting it up there. I’ve very recently learned that it’s easier with me on top.
Amber said,
February 10, 2010 @ 11:37 am
I can’t wait to hubby gets back!!! Sigh 5 weeks no sex sucks, and here you are talking about orgasms…
So the internal one, don’t think I have ever had one. I need clitoral stimulation and like you Tamra, feels much better with a dick inside. Masterbation is boring with just me, I normally crave penetration when horny. I faked all of mine before hubby. With him it took more than attraction it took a certain feeling of comfort with my body to actually allow myself to stimulate my clit.
I am happy with the sex…oh and our sessions are longer too. It is rare when it is less than 20 minutes.
Rosanne said,
February 11, 2010 @ 11:03 am
I was just talking to a close friend about this particular blog post and she said her husband bought her KY Intensive for Women and it’s made a big difference in her ability to orgasm. She’s gone through chemo and has had some issues that were not a factor before, but this lube is making a difference for her.
ATroutt said,
February 14, 2010 @ 6:29 pm
Ok, so I have a couple of different comments b/c I’m new to your blog. (BUT LOVE IT! Laughed my ass off at the penn size one!) So, comments there and then on this subject.
However, if you have any suggestions on particular lubes I’m all for it!
As far as the penis size I’ve had my share of a few…smallest one was the size of my pinkie (no not joking) and I literly was like WTF are you serious? I’ve also had the overly large kind and it just didn’t work for me, hurt more than anything. Now I have the perfect size for me. I truly believe it’s the man and the chemistry. When my DH and I met I truly thought it was going to be a one night fling, but the sex was so amazing I couldn’t help want more! It hasn’t stopped since then and we have been together for just over two years.
As for the internal and external orgasm. Ok, so I’m super bashful on this subject but am going out on a limb here. I need the stimultion both inside and out. I was NEVER into oral until my husband, he just has a way with his mouth and toungue. TMI? I don’t always reach the big O but when I do it is beyond anything. As for positions the best for me is him on top or me on top, he has to hit my right spot when he is in other wise he hits me just right, rubs just right and I’m done. The other thing, and maybe it’s just me, but generally when he is close to getting off it fires me up even more and we have simultanious orgasms and talk about fireworks!
I do have problems with natural lube too. I get dry easily. And unfortnatly I have reactions to most lubes so we have to go with ones that are water based. These can be fun though!
Tamra said,
February 14, 2010 @ 6:47 pm
ATroutt- Thanks for joining in!
Okay… so I’m really sensitive to a lot of lubes and stuff, too, and I’ve found KY to work pretty well. There’s also one made by Pure Romance… I think it’s called “Just Like Me” or something, and that actually was probably the one I found to be most comfortable to use
.
Nikki said,
February 16, 2010 @ 9:56 am
Ok, figured I’d chime in a bit haha. I haven’t had a sexual partner since I found out I was preggo, so that was what, December of ‘07? And this is probably being way too forward, but I’ve had a lot of sexual partners and never orgasm’d from sex alone. I have to either use my finger or an external vibrator on my clit to O. I normally just fake it because they try so hard it wears them out and I feel bad for them.
I am not on antidepressants yet have still never really had a sex drive. i guess just knowing it’ll be unfulfilling is enough to turn me off these days lol. Most of the sex I had when I was younger was just to try to find someone that could actually make me O, but I don’t think it’s possible.
I’ve only had one multiple O and it was under the influence of “stuff” lol, I’ll just leave it at that. And that was a LONG time ago. Like 7 years or something lol. Oral does nothing for me, and ever since having my kiddo my nipples aren’t sensitive at all anymore either. Sooo, I think I’m gonna stay single and just not even think about sex. I’ve been to therapy, they said I’m beyond hope hahahaha.