February 8, 2010

I just had a phone appointment with my psychiatrist in Tucson.

Last week I sorta’ realized that the up-and-down mental health roller coaster I’ve been riding is not only a crappy thing for me, but for my husband, kids, and friends as well. And my blog readers. Can’t forget you all. *sending cyber hugs your way*

So anyway, I told her about what’s been happening ever since I last saw her- the breakdowns, the constant battle with trying to stay on that lower Prozac dosage but always losing the fight, and my general sense of “shit, I’m being crushed by a fucking tidal wave and I don’t know if I’m ever gonna resurface“. All of that in addition to the constant fatigue and fight with my anti-depressant-induced lack of sex drive. This has been going on since the beginning of December, and I just can’t deal with the instability anymore.

I kind of wanted to cry when I told her I know I need to go back on my old dose, which was the highest one I’ve taken. It’s only 10mg more than what I’ve been trying to take, but it makes a huge difference. The bad thing is that it really affects my sex drive and fatigue problems. Like, mentally I do much, much better, but I suffer some physically.

So then she gave me the option that I had a couple months ago: Go back to the higher Prozac dosage, but try adding a small dose of a second antidepressant to enhance my overall energy level, motivation, and sex drive.

I didn’t like that option a few months ago, and I went with the the lower Prozac dosage instead despite the fact that my doctor recommended I try this particular path. While my sex drive has increased, my overall well-being has deteriorated. And honestly, while I love a good fuck on a particular horny day, my mental stability is just one of those things that can’t be sacrificed.

So back on the old dose it is, except this time I’m taking my psychiatrist’s advice and adding a small dose of Wellbutrin to my daily happy pill ingestion. I’d prefer not to feel asexual again, so I figure it’s worth a try. She assured me she feels I’ll be very pleased with the results, and if not, it’ll be easy enough to back off of the Wellbutrin.

I told her I am very sad that I can’t just be normal, to which she replied, “What’s normal?”.

Good question.

Current Mood: Sad

Dude.

A pair of super hot jeans for $11.99 at Express that normally run for $70 equals a SWEET deal.

I’m a clearance rack whore.

Current Mood: Cool