A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Bribing your kid with chocolate will not make her sweet.

Current Mood: Alarmed

Current Mood: Alarmed

My personal trainer really is Will Ferrell.

Me: (gasping for breath during this obscene exercise that included touching my knee to my nose while balancing on a wobbly-half-ball-thing) You want me to do HOW many of these things?

Will Ferrell: Twelve on each side.

Me: Ha ha, you’re funny.

Will Ferrell: Well maybe that’s why everyone tells me I look like Will Ferrell.

Me: (falling of the ball-thing onto the mat and gasping out a wheezing laugh) Well, um, I wasn’t gonna say anything, but…

Will Ferrell: (puts head in hands) Oh no.

Me: (snickering) Last week I went home and told my husband, “Dude, I just got my ass kicked by Will Ferrell.”

Will Ferrell: (eyeroll) Gee, thanks. Now here’s your next exercise.

Five minutes later, I was in a very compromising position that somewhat resembled Downward Dog from yoga, but was way worse.

Me: (While blood is rushing to my face and my head is nearly exploding) Wonderful. Now the entire gym is getting a great view of my ass. Thanks a lot.

Will Ferrell: (laughs) Why do you think men willingly do yoga classes?

Me: Oh my gawd, do I have an audience?

Will Ferrell: Uh…

Me: Don’t answer that. (collapsing out of that horrific exercise pose and looking behind me) Ugh, that felt AWFUL!

Will Ferrell: (laughing) Alright, you’re done for today.

Me: (snottily) I guess now would be a great time to tell you that I wrote a blog entry about how much you resemble Will Ferrell last week.

Will Ferrell: Oh no.

Me: Oh yes. And remember, I wasn’t the one who said it. I wasn’t going to mention it. You were the one who brought it up, and I merely confirmed your suspicions.

Will Ferrell: (laughing) Okay, you got me on that one.

A few minutes later he was writing out my homework.

Me: So, I actually asked for a female trainer, and I got you. Which is probably good because I have quite the mouth on me and you seem to deal with it just fine.

Will Ferrell: Yeah, I find I usually get the, uh, more difficult clients.

Me: Wait, what?

Will Ferrell: Well, I mean the ones that are more difficult because they either have zero body awareness or much better body awareness than average. Usually I work with people who are on one of the more extreme ends.

Me: Uh huh, sure. And I take it I’m one of those extremes. Are you saying I have good body awareness, or crappy awareness?

Will Ferrell: Well, because of your dance background, you definitely have much stronger body awareness than most people who first start personal training.

Me: Okay, so the “difficult” part of that equation is finding a trainer who can put up with the shit that comes flying out of my mouth.

Will Ferrell: (Laughing) Well, the supervisors definitely try to match people up with personalities they’ll get along with.

Me: And I ended up with Will Ferrell. Wow. I must have really scared the supervisors.

Will Ferrell: (Smiling an evil grin) Wednesday we’re working arms.

Me: Great. I can’t wait.

Current Mood: Happy

Nothing like opening the magazine to the Playmate of the Month to make me feel ancient at the ripe ol’ age of 28.

She looks so freaking young. Or maybe I’m just not aging gracefully.

Current Mood: Alarmed