A Surprisingly Sane Blog

April’s birthday was on Sunday.

Pay no attention to my hideous cake decorating. While I can bake like nobody’s business, I absolutely cannot be bothered with frosting. I don’t eat frosting, therefore, it’s not important. But birthday baby wanted a pink cake, so at least I made sure the top looked okay, right?

It’s been three years since a baby bust out of my vag at top speed in the blow-up kiddie pool in the middle of my living room during the middle of a thunderstorm. My homebirth that I was so proud of. And now, my amazing three-year-old.

She had a wonderful birthday filled with spending time with my parents, who flew in for the occasion, opening presents, eating at the Old Spaghetti Factory downtown and playing at two different parks. My kids are spoiled.

I must admit that each birthday is a little hard on me. Not because she’s growing older because honestly, I love older kids and don’t really like infants. Toddlers are a ton of fun for me because I’m a freak. No, I’m not one of those parents who laments about the the fact that their baby’s all done grown up and all… it’s just a reminder to me that since she was born, I have dealt with mental health issues up the wazoo and each passing year really isn’t much easier.

I am sick to death of being poked with needles that leave me with bruises to check my “levels”, doctors, and therapists. I am tired of opening my pill bottles every night and downing a handful of prescribed drugs just so I can wake up and function the next day. I am tired of hearing that I’m not on the exact right something-or-other every time I go for my medicine checks only to serve as a guinea pig for some God-awful drug that leaves me depressed or psychotic or induces fine motor skill loss.

The last three years, unfortunately, have been the worst of my life in many ways. Honestly, some days I’m unsure just how many more years I am willing to fight all of this.

Thank God I have my little April to look at. She’s one of the reminders of why I’m here. If one good thing has come out of the last three years, she certainly has been it.

Current Mood: Bored

“I’m aware that size matters but what size is okay”

I assume you’re talking about your wee-wee?

I love how my blog pops up with those questions on Google. I try to answer them, but honestly… I really don’t know. My limited experience has left me with just this lowly perspective: Work with what you’ve got. If it’s the right person, it’ll probably be adequate.

Go in peace and fuck like a god, young sir.

Current Mood: Cool

Don’t hate me for this:

I am clearly quite a “liberal” individual, and because of that I also believe in this:

Yup. That means I can certainly accept political differences with the utmost respect and without blaming or pointing fingers. There is nothing more irritating to me than a political extremist who cannot see past the black and white to get to the gray area on any issue. And by that, I mean extremists on BOTH ends of the spectrum.

Just sayin’.

Current Mood: Mischievous

Pardon my quiet blogging lately.

Over the last two months or so, I’ve been writing a novel. Yes, a real one. And I didn’t stop after one or two chapters, and it’s not about how horrific childbearing and postpartum and breastfeeding are.

Instead, it’s funny with a fresh storyline based on a protagonist who lives in Seattle and is a professional ballroom dancer. Very grounded, real-life, and covering moral and life issues that I see all the time in my little niche of careers.

I will have to thank one of my readers, she knows who she is, who brought up the idea of writing a book based on the life of a dancer. Every time that I’ve tried to develop a storyline, I’ve gotten stuck. Fact is, I was in too deep writing about characters that I had little in common with. Adding elements from my own life to my characters has allowed the plot to unfold itself, the people to become real, and the scenarios realistic without massive amounts of research.

I am enjoying the heck out of writing this, and I love the complicated twists and moral dilemmas that have woven themselves organically throughout the pages. And the fact that I found myself crying while finishing up my latest chapter is pretty neat.

Now… if only I knew an Editor who’d be willing to take five minutes to read the first few pages. I have a feeling they’d be hooked if they were willing to get so far as to open the first page.

Anyone?

Current Mood: Cool

I decided to dye my hair a bit darker last week… and then I decided I needed bangs last night.

Introducing: Bangs. Blog, meet Bangs. Bangs, meet blogosphere.

Hi y’all… I haven’t had bangs in 18 years. What do you think?

Yes, I totally did that thing where you take a self-portrait with your iPhone. Go ahead. Call me vain. I kind of feel a little more vain than usual with my new ‘do.

Oh, but I’m not wearing a lick of makeup, so I guess I can’t claim as much vanity as I was hoping.

Current Mood: Cool