A Surprisingly Sane Blog

I feel like I should be doing something invigorating or extraordinary on Leap Day. Instead, I’m sitting in my blue-star fleece pajama bottoms and a sweater, lazily drinking coffee with a dash of unsweetened soy, staring out the window at the cold, cold sky and snow-mixed drizzles.

I used to hate soy milk in my coffee, but then I discovered the unsweetened stuff, and that made all things bright and shiny again. Except that on a day at pops up only once every four years, a cup of Joe with a splash of soy rings oh-so-ordinary and dull.

You know, a lighting bolt tearing into my head would be far more interesting than Leap Day has been thus far.

Current Mood: Bored

This is going to sound really weird, but I was totally nervous putting something handwritten on my blog in my last post. Like I was concerned you were going to judge me based on my freaking handwriting. After I posted it, I had a moment of second-guessing because I didn’t use MY BEST HANDWRITING, just my everyday, quick, note-taking handwriting. OH DEAR GOD.

Seriously. How silly is that? With how much I’ve poured my unflattering heart and soul into my blog posts, you’d think I’d be a lot more self-conscious about the content found on these pages than my handwriting. Today I’m shaking my head. There is far worse handwriting out there, and if you suddenly hate me because I write like a dork and add smiley faces and colorful stars… well, um… I’ve got bigger problems.

Current Mood: Cool

I’ve always hated cheesy affirmations and those “feel good” sayings. I guess I scoff at them because I’ve used them and never felt that my life was enhanced as a result.

Sometimes, though, I run into nasty people and shitty situations. Sometimes I “let the haters get me down.” I am always amazed by the way some people approach the internet: folks who claim to be sweet, God-lovin’ individuals who turn and explode like a ripe tick the second they disagree; jerks who try to tear into your anus and set a fire for putting yourself out there for the world to see, thinking that that the anonymity of the internet makes it okay to treat others with disrespect and hatred; people who use passive aggressive manipulation to excuse childish, hurtful behavior; individuals who cannot apologize or learn from their mistakes.

Then there’s the daily life crap that pops up: the never-ending “I’m not good enough,” the daily struggles surviving “bipolarism,” exhausting hours of taking care of my girls and my home while finding time to study and work on projects.

Everyone knows what it’s like to let that crap pile up, but then once in awhile, it’s just time to let it all go. If you asked my mom to sum ME up in one word, she’d say:

**Sparkle**

You know why? Because Sparkle is both a noun and a verb. It means “to shine, effervesce,” and that’s exactly who I am. Sometimes, I need to get past my cynical eye-roll about affirmations and just state them for myself to see. Forget the sad, stupid people who feel it is necessary to bring others down with them.

Which is why I did exactly that.

Current Mood: Cool

Sometimes I look at the clock and wonder why the hell I’m still awake at midnight when I was exhausted ten hours ago.

Scratch “sometimes.” Insert “every night.”

And then I realize- oh yeah, I’m still up because I cannot sleep anyway, so what’s the point of going to bed at a decent time?

I’ve had a stomachache since Thursday night, which followed the most horrific 3-hour midterm I’ve ever encountered in all my years of college. Following that was a dance performance for my daughter’s school. A mountain of laundry. A massive school project. The normal marital stresses. The arthritic flare-up in my feet post dance performance. The messy house.

Valentine’s Day flowers wilting in their red vase on the kitchen table in front of my laptop are reminding me that shit just happens.

And tomorrow, it’s back to school to receive what I know will be an unimpressive grade on the midterm. The only reason I will have no desire to walk off the Aurora bridge later is fact that no one else will have done well, either.

1. I broke my best friend’s pinky toe when I first met her. I barely knew her, but we’ve been close friends ever since.
2. Her toe is still roughly twice the size of the one on the other side. We call it her “Tamra Toe.” I occasionally hear updates on how Tamra Toe is looking a little wonky in a particular pair of sandals.
3. I like snakes. If I owned one, I’d probably call it “Ted.”
4. I’m flattered when people talk shit about me. That means I’m an important enough part of their life that they’re wasting time thinking about me.
5. I’m obsessed with monkeys. Particularly, the Paul Frank one.
6. I get excited every time I see a UPS or FedEx truck in my neighborhood. And, just like a silly puppy, I stand at my front window and excitedly bounce when they stop in front of my house.
7. I don’t care that Whitney Houston died, except that I do feel sorry for her family and friends. I am much more concerned and heartbroken for the heroes that die for our country and for the kids starving and dying by the millions all over this world.
8. I am angry at the church, once again. My heart breaks for the poor children and vulnerable adults who are victims of rape and incest and are being told by the Catholic church that abortion is not an option. Here, let me abuse you, fuck you, let the world point fingers and call you a 15-year-old pregnant whore, and tell you what to do with YOUR body. Then tell me that my choice to ruin your life was a blessing for which you should be grateful.
9. I recently saw Young the Giant in person at a private concert (yes, private concert… I’m spoiled). I was front center, leaning on the stage! They were incredible!
10. I don’t miss dancing at all, and my feet feel great!
11. My sister’s sweet lump of a shih tzu doggie crossed over rainbow bridge yesterday. *sad face*
12. I finally learned how to paint my nails. Check out my latest creation! (Sorry for the crappy quality of the pictures. The lighting was dim and I was too lazy to dig out my camera… but you get the idea.)