A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Assume: Ass-u-me. Assume= to makes an Ass out of U and Me.

Get it?

Good. It’s simple.

Sometimes, I wonder how certain people manage to make it through the day without being punched senseless because of their stupidity.

Here’s another one: There’s really no such thing as “being there in spirit” or “supporting you in spirit even though I’ll never be there or make it due to 156 different reasons!” Fact is, if you’re not there, you’re not there. Don’t tell me you’re at my birthday party “in spirit” while you’re watching the game on Sunday afternoon from your bedroom. Don’t tell me you’ll miss my Facebook posts about my Friday night dances now that I’ve stopped hosting it… you know, since in the last year and a half, YOU NEVER ONCE SHOWED UP. You were not “there in spirit” and you were not “supporting me” by never showing up. You’re a fucking moron. Just avoid saying something about it. You weren’t there. That’s cool. I didn’t actually notice until you told me you were there “in spirit.” Moron.

Fuck you. And anyone else who tries to tell me you “supported me in spirit” or spread assumptive lies.

I am so freaking sick to death of people who do everything they can to disagree, cause drama, or just flat out act rude regardless of what the situation is or the question asked.

Seriously. Get over yourself. The world does not revolve around you. You can whine and piss and moan about something, but the fact is, unless you’re actively trying to fix the things that suck ass or are at least somewhat likable, no one really cares. All it does is make folks around you roll their eyes and feel irritated before moving on and remembering you as a that jerk or whiner the next time your face pops up. People care about you if you’re a generally likable person. You are not a likable person if you act like a fucking dipshit constantly.

Now, go to the zoo and let monkeys throw their poop at you. I might start liking you a little more.

Current Mood: Angry

Unreliable- adj. not reliable; not to be relied or depended upon; irresponsible, undependable, untrustworthy

(source: dictionary.com)

I absolutely beyond sick of and frustrated with unreliability. One might say I am “seething” or even “irate” as a result of dealing with so much irresponsible bullshit and that I’m ready to march into the Seattle Stupid Headquarters and announce the Epidemic of Unreliability. RUN FOR YOUR LIVES AND TAKE COVER!

It’s a serious illness inflicting babysitters, friends, professionals and family alike. And it’s growing at a monumental speed.

I don’t get it. If there’s one reason my middle-class, Catholic family could ever be famous or acknowledged for, it would be their reliability and responsibility. If they commit to be there, or take care of something, THEY ALWAYS DO. And guess what? I’m the same damn way. Very rarely do I have to break a commitment, and when I do, it is never a means of selfish behavior. If I do back out, it’s because my kid is barfing and James isn’t home to take care of her, or because the babysitter just simply never showed up, the moron. (Though side note… it appears as though we did finally find a good babysitter, and that just rocks- it only took two freaking years.)

It doesn’t take much. All it takes is brushing off the selfish “I’d rather do this…” or not committing in the first place. This world is far to full of people who think of nothing but themselves and forget how their choice to flake out on someone may affect and stress the shit out of the other person.

I’ve decided to become part of this epidemic. YUP! Starting now, I’m going to go out of my way to be the flake that everyone is for me. When a babysitter shows up who frequently cancels, I’m going to go out and then tell them I don’t have any money to pay them when I get back before sending them on their merry way empty-handed! When a friend who likes to cancel on me last second regularly asks me to meet them for lunch, I’ll send ‘em a text 30 minutes after they’ve been waiting and apologize, but hey, I’m too tired to meet up today. And if someone books me for a job who maybe flaked out on me a time or two, I’ll return the favor last second leaving them scrambling the way they’ve left me before.

How does that sound?

And why the FUCK am I the only person I know with kids and STILL MANAGE to be the only consistently responsible, reliable one outside of my family?

Today, I fucking hate people and all their selfish bullshit. Pardon me while smoke billows out of my ears.

Current Mood: Alarmed & Angry

Have you seen anything about that show on TLC, Toddlers and Tiaras?

I can’t watch a full episode without my chocolate and peanut butter ice cream making a comeback, but I’ve seen plenty of clips and segments of shows on the internet and read more “news” articles about it than I care to embarrassingly admit. Like watching a couple in a bad relationship and placing bets on how long it takes before one of them gets a black eye (yeee hawwww!), it’s kind of a guilty pleasure to keep tabs on this kind of crap.

Do people actually LIKE this kind of crap on TV, or do they just watch it with a horrified, sick fascination like I do? Do people watch it thinking: Wow! What a great idea! I should totally doll up my kid and try to enter her onto this amazing show!

No seriously, do they? Does anyone ACTUALLY think piling tons of makeup on their toddler, fixing their hair into an updo that rivals Dolly Parton’s golden locks, zipping them into a wedding gown made by Vera Wang, stuffing their little feet into a pair of hooker stilettos, and watching them parade on stage like a done-up poodle (poor little girls) is a healthy and positive way of life for their child?

Look, I am by nature a pretty damn open-minded individual. I don’t care how you raise your kids, the choices you make, the parenting styles you’re comfortable with, or even if you choose to spank your kid on the bottom when nothing else is working… even if it’s not necessarily the choice I would make. As long as it’s legal, I’m going to make the assumption that it works for you, and it’s just not my business to tell you that you’re wrong. You know why? BECAUSE ONE SIZE SURE AS HELL DOESN’T FIT ALL, and just because I may not agree with your choices does NOT make you a bad parent.

However, this show? You know what presses my tweak-out-and-twitch button more than anything else? The moms. With risk of sounding horribly judgmental and asinine, I have to resist the urge to smash Ralph’s screen with a baseball bat when I see the way these women behave and treat their baby girls. Plain and simple? They’re not doing this for the well-being of their daughters, they’re doing this completely for themselves. “You’re not going to screw this up, right?” How on earth could a mother say that to her teeny little kid? No wonder the girls are such snooty little brats. It’s not the girls competing with one another- it’s their mothers shooting each other sneers and raising their noses.

Am I just being over-sensitive and close minded about this? I actually feel like in some ways, it’s a form of child abuse. Those girls must spend an astronomical amount of time preparing for these competitions. How about reading your kids a bedtime story, making sure they feel loved and secure, and focusing on education so that they have the necessary tools to soar through school? Or are those priorities just completely forgotten? And crap, those kids are SO NASTY (not their fault) what kind of horrendous adults are they being set up to become?

Please tell me I’m not the only one who wants to knock some sense into the people that encourage this kind of garbage. Then again, maybe this isn’t that big of a deal and I’m just a freak.

Current Mood: Alarmed

Trying to hold it together today. Days of not sleeping well due to a swollen, injured foot plus sleeping next to that restless guy I married has left me extremely irritable. I kicked him out of the room, but that wasn’t until 3:00 a.m.

And there’s a likely chance that I have to get glasses when I go to my eyeball appointment next week. I’m having a follow-up due to a problem with scleritis for a few weeks. The redness and irritation faded, but the fact that my eyesight has gotten progressively worse over the last couple years has not changed. The problem is minor, but it affects my night vision… and we already know what a crappy driver I am. The opthamologist said I probably need glasses. Fabulous.

Today, I woke up groggy and irritated. Five nights of barely sleeping makes me feel like I am incapable of functioning. I have to work until midnight tonight, and before that happens, I have to take the kids to the park for an end-of-the-preschool-year barbecue. That means there will be 150 screaming 5-year-olds running around like maniacs. Then I’m honored to clean a massive pile of dishes since our dishwasher has been busted for the better part of a month. Entertain the kids. Ponder the meaning of life. Then attempt to be social if I do dinner with a friend before I work.

James told me last night he hears all these negative things from me all the time and worries that I hate my life.

Are you kidding me? I so, totally love it. Really. It’s grand. Enviable, even.

And I’ll tell you what, if I could get some good freaking sleep on a regular basis, I’m willing to be it *would* be. Insomnia makes everyone a bit grouchy. With the medication I’m on, it makes it downright impossible for me to function.

Current Mood: Sickly