A Surprisingly Sane Blog

To be positive right now, that is. But the truth is, I’m failing miserably at looking on the bright and cheery side of life.

Someone, please come shit some sunshine into my coffee, mmkay?

In effort of trying to create a positive blog post, I’m going to do my best to list a few of the “happier” things and the shit that has made me smile this week. Are you SO TOTALLY FUCKING READY FOR IT? Here it goes:

• I like this. A lot:

Good stuff, eh?

• I also got an email this week, in which it was announced that my blog has officially been named one of the Top 25 Mental Wellness Blogs by Circle of Moms. Number 9, in fact, which is pretty amazing and such an honor to be listed among 24 incredible women. Thank you to all those who voted for me. Though I have to chuckle a little bit because I don’t know if I would describe my illness as “mental wellness”… especially this week.

See that badge? That’s me! I’m a favorite! Nanny-nanny-boo-boo!

• My daughter turned three on Sunday. She decided she didn’t want to wear diapers anymore a couple months ago and has been potty trained since. It’s been the easiest potty-training experience of my life. DID YOU KNOW that as a mom all you can fucking think about sometimes is piss and shit? You’re constantly cleaning it, coaching it, soothing raw bums, and ripping your hair out over it. And my kid? She uses the damn potty like a pro, no stress included!

• It’s summer in Seattle. Sunshine pretty much every day and highs in the low 80s.

It’d be awesome if I liked the sun and hadn’t fled the desert because of the disgustingly warm temperatures. At least the days are extremely long here, which I love. Bad part: they’re getting shorter.

Aren’t I just a bowl ‘o freakin’ cherries today?

Wait! There’s more!

• I officially finished Accutane this week! Five months later, my skin is clear… and YES, I will post pictures, I just don’t feel like posing for them in my pajamas while my kids get their sticky fingers all over the lens.

It’d be great if the painful stress fracture in my foot would heal now. Unfortunately, Accutane can make your bones a little more fragile than usual, and being a dancer… well, you can only imagine how much stress my feet go through on a daily basis. the big knuckle on my right foot was double its normal size almost four months ago. I’ve been walking and dancing on it since because, sadly, my source of income is being a dance teacher… and we need the money to buy the extra necessities and fun stuff, so I have little choice but to just keep on using it if I want to eat something other than ramen and send my kids to private school. Now it’s a motherfreaking mess, as you can imagine, and I’m really fearing that it will never actually be “better”. It’d be nice to have a “real job” so I could slow down with the lessons, but filling out job applications for two years solid has proven to be a fruitless endeavor in this city. And to think: it was my idea to move here so I could pursue my hopes and dreams. Wow, what a fucking load of shit that’s become.

• We bought an iMac this last weekend! Holy cow, it’s AMAZING! See? Dance money is worth something! But really… we don’t have a computer other than my laptop (aside from James’ work laptop, which none of us can use), which I drag around with me all over the place because I use it to deejay. Julie’s new school requires a lot of educational computer program work, so we really needed a desktop that would always be available.

Downside… These things are freaking expensive. I need to teach more lessons. My poor foot.

And finally…

• We are getting tile installed in our laundry room… FINALLY! This house is 111 years old, and we’ve been walking on the foundation wood in that room, which isn’t a good thing. We’ve been saving for awhile to do this, and I was thrilled to pick out my new tile for the room.

Oh, yes. We are going retro. I have ALWAYS loved the black and white tile checkerboard, and now it’s GOING TO BE MINE! Now, if only the floor wasn’t so uneven and had to be built up with mortar, we probably would have saved a crap ton in labor. Unfortunately, it wasn’t something we could do ourselves due to the shape of the existing floors.

There. There’s my list. Happy Thoughts. Happy Thoughts.

Happy Thoughts.

Current Mood: Bored

April’s birthday was on Sunday.

Pay no attention to my hideous cake decorating. While I can bake like nobody’s business, I absolutely cannot be bothered with frosting. I don’t eat frosting, therefore, it’s not important. But birthday baby wanted a pink cake, so at least I made sure the top looked okay, right?

It’s been three years since a baby bust out of my vag at top speed in the blow-up kiddie pool in the middle of my living room during the middle of a thunderstorm. My homebirth that I was so proud of. And now, my amazing three-year-old.

She had a wonderful birthday filled with spending time with my parents, who flew in for the occasion, opening presents, eating at the Old Spaghetti Factory downtown and playing at two different parks. My kids are spoiled.

I must admit that each birthday is a little hard on me. Not because she’s growing older because honestly, I love older kids and don’t really like infants. Toddlers are a ton of fun for me because I’m a freak. No, I’m not one of those parents who laments about the the fact that their baby’s all done grown up and all… it’s just a reminder to me that since she was born, I have dealt with mental health issues up the wazoo and each passing year really isn’t much easier.

I am sick to death of being poked with needles that leave me with bruises to check my “levels”, doctors, and therapists. I am tired of opening my pill bottles every night and downing a handful of prescribed drugs just so I can wake up and function the next day. I am tired of hearing that I’m not on the exact right something-or-other every time I go for my medicine checks only to serve as a guinea pig for some God-awful drug that leaves me depressed or psychotic or induces fine motor skill loss.

The last three years, unfortunately, have been the worst of my life in many ways. Honestly, some days I’m unsure just how many more years I am willing to fight all of this.

Thank God I have my little April to look at. She’s one of the reminders of why I’m here. If one good thing has come out of the last three years, she certainly has been it.

Current Mood: Bored

I decided to dye my hair a bit darker last week… and then I decided I needed bangs last night.

Introducing: Bangs. Blog, meet Bangs. Bangs, meet blogosphere.

Hi y’all… I haven’t had bangs in 18 years. What do you think?

Yes, I totally did that thing where you take a self-portrait with your iPhone. Go ahead. Call me vain. I kind of feel a little more vain than usual with my new ‘do.

Oh, but I’m not wearing a lick of makeup, so I guess I can’t claim as much vanity as I was hoping.

Current Mood: Cool

Our first camping trip as a family was absolutely fabulous. I know, sounds cheesy, but it really was. Minus the fact that you A) can’t shower in the woods without one of those privacy tents and a camping shower, which we don’t have; and B) Mosquitos think human skin is some kind of playground for vampires; and finally, C) Hanging your bare ass out to piss in the rainforest in the middle of the night is both cold and a little scary. Bears, anyone?

On to the photos, right? Behold: Lake Crescent on the north end of the Olympic Mountains, and of course, that cute dimpled munchkin that makes me so stinkin’ proud.

Can you believe the color of that water? “They” are not kidding (whoever the hell “they” are) when they say that glacial lakes are some of most beautiful, rich, deep turquoise colors in the world. Okay, I said that last part. But “they” have written all sorts of theses on the colors of a glacial lake. And the sparkles? My photos are unretouched, and I don’t use filters or any kind of photoshop effects. Those are real. THE SPARKLES ARE FREAKING REAL!

The surrounding mountains are just breathtaking, and the best part is that after the lake, we drove straight into those hills. Okay, not literally.

We parked at the Sol Duc Campgrounds, a short hike away from Sol Duc Hot Springs, which is smack dab in the middle of the rainforest. I’ve never seen anything like it- it was beautiful- but the the moss was pretty extensive, and I kind of wanted to lean on a tree that didn’t leave me covered in green by the next morning.

Despite the excess moss that made tree-climbing impossible (though who climbs trees while camping, right?!) and the crazy number of mosquitos swarming around my kids like sharks- thank goodness for the organic, Deet-free repellent that left us all virtually unscathed by itchy bites- we amused ourselves by cooking on our camping stove, roasting marshmallows, and playing cards when the kids when to bed. And though I shamefully admit we contemplated a naughty midnight romp on the picnic table, it didn’t happen. It was cold, and I have this horrific fear that a bear will bite my ass and run off into the forest with my butt still attached to its teeth.

I also amused myself and James by unknowingly taking an (overexposed… I hate having to use a flash…do’h) shot that resulted with James in front of the stove and a propane tank RIGHT IN FRONT OF THE FAMILY JEWELS that could pass for a schlong with elephantiasis. Doode, keep that freak of nature away from me!

After our awesome night in our new tent with my restless kids and thrashing breathing-death-breath-into-my-face husband, we spent a few hours soaking in the Sol Duc Hot Springs. I wish I had a good picture, but I didn’t want to hike with my big ol’ SLR camera, and I didn’t want to leave it unattended at the pools. So here’s a shot of the resort surrounding the springs, and a glimpse of what the hot spring pools look like (don’t look too close… I didn’t check out the scenery before I took the quick shots with my camera phone.

Cool fact: my awesome sister worked at Sol Duc Hot Springs Resort a few years ago. I had no idea they had built pools around the hot springs, but they are, in fact, natural hot springs. There are four pools, ranging in different temperature, and the main hot one feels like bathwater, while the hottest was almost difficult for me to get into. So very, very incredible. If you’re ever in my neck of the woods, you MUST check it out!

After Sul Duc, we drove through Forks, WA on the way to the southern part of the peninsula. For all you Twilight fans, here’s the one shot of the teeny-tiny town worth posting that I got with my phone.

Honestly, I felt a little embarrassed for the tourists wandering around aimlessly… like, guys, COME ON, there is NOTHING HERE! This place has a population of seventeen people… what were you expecting?

And then there was Ruby Beach.

Speechless.

Utterly and completely SPEECHLESS.

I have never seen a more spectacular beach than that. It was surreal.

Then it was off to Lake Quinault Lodge, where we spent the evening hanging out by a campfire roasting even more smores and enjoying the beautiful scenery before waking up to a day filled with rowing on the lake.

Rowing seemed way easier when I was a kid. Maybe it was the lake or the wind, but damn, we didn’t seem to move beyond that one spot in the middle once we got there!

Yeah, we totally brought our stinky, matted dog, Little Miss Lucy Mae with us.

And the only thing that would have made this picture better…

…Would be if I’d actually fallen in after it was taken and James could have caught a picture of me trying to get back into the boat. I’d better watch it, or next time he’ll probably push me while I’m acting like a goofball.

So yes, that was our camping trip in a nutshell, and I hope you really freaking enjoyed it because it has taken me all morning and afternoon to finish it for you. And I am sitting at the kitchen table STILL wearing pajamas at almost three in the afternoon. WHO LOVES YOU?! That’s right. Now comment on my pictures and tell me how jealous of my moss-covered jeans and mosquito bites you are!

P.S. Did you spot the Starbucks cup?

Current Mood: Happy

I used to be an outdoorsy kind of girl.

I grew up hiking, camping, and spending time in the mountains like I was one with the wilderness. I remember sleeping under the stars high above the world in the Huachuca Mountains, and listening to the Eagles on my portable CD player overlooking a mountain canyon dreaming of that guy Sean, who would never return my high-school crush. There was a middle-of-the-night encounter with a bear during which a black bear ripped out our car window, terrorized each of the campers in the campsite, and left us bolting out of the Chircahuas faster than you can scream “BEAR ATTACK.” We dealt with skunks, a baby bear encounter, and getting lost without water on a 10-mile-hike that included a search-and-rescue team ready to look for us had we not returned just in time. My brother and sister and I grew up knowing all the mountains in the surrounding Tucson, AZ area and quite a few beyond our neck of the woods. Camping was simply something we did all all the time.

My last camping trip was actually a backpacking trip in the Grand Canyon. We were there for something like five days, and on the first night down in the Canyon, James proposed to me under the full moon. That must have been eight years ago.

I guess I thought our marriage would include an outdoorsy life, considering we’d paid our rock climbing dues, gone repelling, did a massive backpacking trip, etc. I was kind of surprised when I learned that James did not, in fact, grow up doing the outdoors life like I had, and though somewhat interested in it, he wasn’t really sure how to go about roughing it out in the wilderness.

Well, now that our girls are old enough to follow directions and wear panties most of the time, we are attempting our first camping trip as a family this weekend. Major problem: we had NO equipment, so I went on a little shopping spree at Amazon.com. Did I ever mention I’m in love with Amazon? Yup. I can shop until I drop and NEVER LEAVE THE HOUSE. It’s the epitome of laziness! I shop in my pajamas, braless, wearing my new dorky glasses, and I don’t have to worry about anyone seeing me that way!

Oops, nevermind that part about never being seen.

Ah HEM. Anyway. This week has been like Christmas… packages containing a lantern and a tent and sleeping bags and Thermarests- you know, those small self-inflating cushion things for old people- and a camping stove and a couple other essentials have been knocking on my doorstep ready to be massacred by my children and dog. Good times.

However, the absolute BEST part of our purchases (and the only frivolous one, I might add) came today, and this was a gift from my husband who knows that his wife will actually MORPH INTO A RABID GRIZZLY BEAR if she does not, in fact, get her fresh-brewed coffee. Behold, the caffeine addict’s outdoorsy lifesaver, the Personal Java Press by GSI:

It’s an actual French Press that only requires boiling water, coffee grounds, and your hands. Imagine that. In a world where I just have to add water and grounds to a machine and press “On”, making coffee by hand is a TRUE PHENOMENON.

You can buy one here if you wanna be super cool and dorkalicious like me.

So, think of me this weekend and send warm wishes for a lack of downpour, good coffee, zero potty accidents (by my husband, of course, because that would be embarrassing), and no backaches while I rough it Seattle Style with my French Press in tow on our little camping trip. We will be staying somewhere near Sol Duc Hot Springs in the Olympic National Forest on the peninsula, then head off to a lodge south of there to spend some time on a lake.

I’m looking forward to some downtime. Wish I had a hammock. At least I’ll have coffee, right? And my camera, of course.

Current Mood: Cool