A Surprisingly Sane Blog

Okay, that’s it. I’m officially A FREAK. Not just A FREAK, but the freakiest of freaky freaks ever allowed to touch this planet.

I know that every pregnant mother out there loves feeling their baby move. Oh, and babies, they love babies.

I am not that mom, nor have I ever been. I am not a baby person. They’re cute in an ugly old toothless man kind of way, precious beyond belief, and so innocent I almost squeal when I see them. But no, I’d like to admire a baby from a distance and never have to latch that little sucker onto my tit or have to tote it around. I am beyond thrilled to have two kids that can walk and feed themselves and require zero skin-to-skin contact with my (still perky, thank God for at least that since I didn’t get lucky in any other department) boobs. I am THAT MOM.

But here’s where it gets even freakier. The whole being pregnant thing, which I hated beyond the ginormous, sensitive-in-a-good-way aforementioned breasts, was weird enough without the fact that the thing growing inside of me was constantly poking at me from the inside.

I didn’t really like in-utero baby movement very much. It was exciting to know there actually was something in there that was going to be worth the extra pounds I was accumulating, but at the same time… sometimes the pokes and kicks irritated me and even weirded me out. I never knew when they were going to come, how hard my cervix was going to be jabbed, and frequently they jump-started my anxious thoughts, which any enjoyment that tried to poke through.

I would like to say, for the record, that all you moms who enjoyed pregnancy, loved all the pregnancy sensations, fell madly in love with your baby the second it tore out of your vagina, liked breastfeeding and baby-wearing and alltheotherbabyshitthatjustgoeswithhavingthebabyincludinghavingababy…

You Suck. And I’m jealous.

Yes, it’s no wonder I ended up in that mental heath crisis center after April was born. Shoulda’ saw it coming from the start.

Thank God I’m past that… and even more, I thank my husband for getting him balls snipped.

Current Mood: Alarmed

We have had guests since Friday, and all but two of us have been hit with Montezuma’s Revenge over the last two days.

Hugging the toilet at 5 a.m. is not a great way to start a lovely warm Tuesday.

Do’h.

On the flip side, the fireworks in Washington are OFF THE FREAKING HOOK! Amazing! Almost made up for the fact that we had to clean Julie’s puke out of the car.

Almost.

Current Mood: Sickly

A friend of mine from out of town came to visit for a short while this evening, and the subject of the unnamed person with whom I am no longer speaking came up.

I told him what happened, and braced myself for some “tsk-tsk why can’t we all just get along”.

You know what he said?

He told me it wasn’t my fault, that person has a tendency to be an over-sensitive, pouty baby, and that he agreed that the person behaved rather inappropriately around me. He also said he very much noticed the manipulation game that I kept getting caught in.

That made me feel so much better about the situation. I guess I still fear that my perception of what happened isn’t how it was. But it was, and even someone so far removed saw it.

I don’t know why it still bothers me. I don’t like talking about it because many of our friends are mutual. It doesn’t seem right to say anything to them because I imagine that it would put them in an awkward position.

But I am so uncomfortable being at dance events where that person’s ugly head pops up. It’s their intent. They want the power, and I am so good at falling victim to that sort of manipulation, even months after the fact.

And writing this? I’m actually shaking.

That sucks. I shouldn’t have to feel this way.

Current Mood: Confused

Stupid, naive white girls shouldn’t walk alone in downtown Seattle’s International District at night. It’s NOT SAFE. Almost getting mugged last night was NOT the highlight of my evening.

I seem to think that I’m a big, tough-looking thing, and I sort of have it in my mind that people wouldn’t want to fuck with me on the street. Um, not so. I really need to get it in my head that I’m actually a small, pale, white girl who makes a DAMN good target for creepy guys hanging out in alleys downtown.

Thank goodness a couple ran by and distracted the guy who was stalking me, giving me time to take off running down the street, pull out my phone, and call my friend to meet me.

Next time, I’ll be smarter.

Current Mood: Alarmed

Someone lit a fire under my ass since my meds kicked in, and I had this sudden burst of energy to DO STUFF again. That sudden newfound energy decided to manifest in a book-buying spree from Amazon, and I have to say that I am rather impressed with the books I purchased.

First, this is the Best. Book. Ever.:

Not only are the recipes both tasty and easy, but there’s everything from soups and salads to meats and casseroles to side dishes… and get this, it recommends which side dish to make with the main course meals. I don’t know about you, but I suck at that part on my own. I’m usually like… well, I made chicken. That’s not good enough? WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU NEED SIDE DISHES WITH YOUR FUCKING CHICKEN?

Next, I found a few books to help me in my endeavors to landscape my mess of a front yard:

Both books are awesome and give so many different ideas, tips, tricks, and how-tos for creating a beautiful yard.

I also picked up one on Perennials for the Northwest, since I know NOTHING about taking care of plants.

I love this book! It has an excellent pictorial index, and the information is complete and easy-to-read.

Finally, my booger’s recent behavior finally led me to do some research regarding discipline in the home. I’ve been surviving off of what I learned as an elementary school teacher, but her extreme behavior has proved to be a bit much for the “normal” things.

Out of all the books I looked at, this one seemed most in line with my personal beliefs on parenting styles, and it had excellent reviews overall.

So far, I’ve been reading all of them AT THE SAME TIME.

Such is the life of an adult with undiagnosed ADD, I suppose.

Current Mood: Cool